Mountain Views News          Saturday, May 19, 2012

15

OPINION

 Mountain Views News Saturday, May 19, 2012

STUART Tolchin..........On LIFE

HAIL Hamilton My Turn

Mountain 
Views

News

PUBLISHER/ EDITOR

Susan Henderson

CITY EDITOR

Dean Lee 

EAST VALLEY EDITOR

Joan Schmidt

SALES

Patricia Colonello

626-355-2737 

626-818-2698

PRODUCTION 

Richard Garcia

PHOTOGRAPHY

Lina Johnson

Ivonne Durant

WEBMASTER

John Aveny 

CONTRIBUTORS

Jeff Brown

Pat Birdsall

Chris Leclerc

Bob Eklund

Howard Hays

Paul Carpenter

Stuart Tolchin

Kim Clymer-Kelley

Christopher Nyerges

Peter Dills 

Hail Hamilton 

Rich Johnson

Chris Bertrand

Ron Carter

Rev. James Snyder

Bobby Eldridge

Mary Carney

La Quetta Shamblee

Katie Hopkins

Deanne Davis

Despina Arouzman

Greg Wellborn

Dr. John Talevich

Meaghan Allen

Sean Kayden

FINDING A ROLE


When Grandma Gets 
On The Stand, Be 

Careful What You Ask~

Off-Stage Voice: Tonight 
and for the foreseeable 
future, the role of you 
will be played by you.

 Last week in a 
dream I recognized an 
old friend from Law 
School, about whom 
I had not seen or thought in 44 years. I 
awoke with the strong belief that this old 
friend had something very important to 
tell me. Through FaceBook, I managed to 
make contact and after a couple of short 
exchanges, I asked him if he was doing 
anything to save the world. Surprisingly, 
he informed me that in fact he had made 
several trips to Africa and was involved in 
constructing programs that assisted AIDS 
sufferers in an African country.

 Soon I was e-mailed his fifteen page 
journal detailing observations during a 
first trip to Africa. The journal has had 
a powerful effect upon me. Horrible 
conditions are described. Staggering 
numbers of now parentless children 
are AIDS infected and facilities are not 
adequate to care for them. Education 
programs have failed. The husbands 
become infected when they travel away 
from the community to earn income 
needed to support their wives and family. 
While away from home, the husbands 
inevitably have unprotected sex with 
diseased sex-workers. The men return 
home and have unprotected sex and 
transmit the disease to their wives. The 
horror, of course, is that the men simply 
do not want to use condoms and the 
women are afraid to complain. The 
reasons are complicated, but I understand 
that the women are dependent upon the 
men for economic survival and that it is 
not culturally acceptable for women to 
utter these kinds of complaints to their 
husbands.

 Education programs involving the 
distribution of condoms and utilization 
directions have not been helpful. Women 
were unwilling to even mention the 
problem to their husbands and the men 
were not interested in the programs. What 
has helped is a kind of consciousness 
raising workshop for women which has 
given much-needed support empowering 
women to stand up to their husbands. The 
surprising result is that as the women 
speak up the behavior of the men has 
changed. The women are being given 
more respect as the men begin to help 
care for children and share in domestic 
chores. A certain kind of understanding 
has evolved that has allowed the family to 
act as a unit rather than in opposition to 
one another.

 This description of a kind of healing 
reached through communication and 
a willingness to see something from 
another point of view seems to be so 
rare in these polarized times. Another 
description in the journal that moved me 
was a simple description of a play that 
performed by the patients at a hospice. 
The conditions at the hospice are terrible 
and often there is very little that can be 
done to simply pass the time. What has 
evolved is that the patients have begun to 
perform their own plays with the sickest 
patients being cast in roles as jesters. I 
know it sounds horrible, but my friend 
emphasizes that just being involved in the 
performances seems to brighten people’s 
spirits. Allowing even the sickest patients 
to perform in roles in which they can 
make no mistakes, in which anything they 
do is acceptable and perfect, seems to be a 
stroke of genius.

 To be truthful, my first reaction to 
the Journal was a kind of distaste. I had 
contacted this long lost friend in the 
belief that he had something important to 
share with me. Of course, I am nearing 
retirement and I imagine I want to find 
something else to do that would be useful. 
As I read the journal I realized how trivial 
my own concerns were. There is so much 
to do in this world and I envied my friend’s 
energy, dedication, and commitment. At 
the same time I felt deep within myself that 
comfort and routine and predictability 
and every other mundane concern is very 
important to me. I do not want to go to 
Africa. I wish I did, but I don’t.

 Am I letting myself off the hook and 
allowing myself to be comfortable while 
there is so much suffering in the world? 
All I can say for myself is that the contact 
with my old friend and the subsequent 
reading of his journal has resulted in a 
kind of personal self-acceptance. I have 
talked to my wife about my reaction 
and she assures me that I have already 
found my role. I am a Communicator. 
I believe my function and my passion is 
to describe my subjective impressions of 
the ambiguous reality that I encounter 
in my daily life. My articles in this little 
Community newspaper provide me with 
a wonderful vehicle for this expression. 
You, my unknown but I hope not 
completely imaginary, readers, are also 
a part of this process. Take from these 
articles what you will and complete our 
communication. If you want to go to 
Africa or do any other good-works please 
go ahead; I won’t feel bad. I think I have 
found my role and I hope you all find 
yours.

 

 I saw this 
little bit of 
courtroom humor the other day 
while surfing the net. There’s an old 
saying that a lawyer should never 
ask a witness a question if they 
aren’t prepared for the answer. This 
is doubly true when questioning a 
grandma who is honest to a fault.

 “In a trial in a small town the 
prosecuting attorney called his first 
witness, a grandmotherly, elderly 
woman to the stand. With her 
hand on a Bible, she was sworn in. 
She was asked if she would tell the 
truth, the whole truth and nothing 
but the truth, so help her God. “I 
do,” she replied. 

 “The prosecuting attorney 
approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. 
Jones, do you know me?’ She 
responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know 
you Mr. Williams. I’ve know you 
since you were a boy, and frankly, 
you’ve been a big disappointment 
to me. You lie, you cheat on your 
wife, and you manipulate people 
and talk badly about them behind 
their backs. You think you’re a big 
shot when you haven’t the brains 
to realize you’ll never amount to 
anything more than a two-bit paper 
pushing shyster... Yes, I know you 
quite well.’

 “The lawyer was stunned and 
slowly backed away, fearing the 
disgusting looks on the judge’s and 
juror’s faces, not to mention the 
court reporter who was recording 
every word. 

 Not knowing what else to do, he 
pointed across the courtroom and 
asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the 
defense attorney?’ 

 “She smiled and replied, “Why 
yes, I do. That’s Mr. Bradley, who 
I’ve also known since he was a 
youngster. He’s lazy, bigoted, and 
he has a bad drinking problem. He 
can’t build a normal -- much less 
stable -- relationship with anyone, 
and his law practice is one of the 
worst in the entire county. Not to 
mention he too cheats on his wife. 
And, Mr. Williams, I’m sorry to 
be the one to tell you this, his most 
recent lover was your wife... Yes, I 
know him very well, too.

 “The defense attorney almost 
fainted and was seen slipping 
downward in his chair, staring 
blankly at the floor. Laughter, 
mixed with gasps, could be heard 
all over the courtroom and the 
audience was on the verge of chaos. 

 “At this point, the judge brought 
the courtroom back to order. He 
asked both attorneys to approach 
the bench and, in a very quiet voice, 
said:

 “If either of you crooked bastards 
asks her if she knows me, I’ll send 
both of you to the electric chair.”

 If there’s a moral to this funny 
story besides the obvious, it’s that 
honesty is a double-edged sword 
that cuts both ways, and that 
almost everyone has secrets about 
themselves they’d rather not be 
revealed in public -- especially in 
a courtroom by a grandmotherly, 
elderly woman with a penchant for 
telling the truth, the whole truth -- 
warts and all! 

Mountain Views News 
has been adjudicated as 
a newspaper of General 
Circulation for the County 
of Los Angeles in Court 
Case number GS004724: 
for the City of Sierra 
Madre; in Court Case 
GS005940 and for the 
City of Monrovia in Court 
Case No. GS006989 and 
is published every Saturday 
at 55 W. Sierra Madre 
Blvd., No. 302, Sierra 
Madre, California, 91024. 
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RICH Johnson

SUMMER CONVERSATION 
STARTERS

Summer is just around the corner and pretty 
soon we will be spending weekends in the parks 
and backyards of Sierra Madre, Monrovia, 
Arcadia and little Pasadena. At times with just 
family but at other times with other guests. 
Breaking the ice conversationally can be difficult so I thought I would 
repost my “Summer Conversation Starters” column from 3 years ago. Cut 
the column out and post it near your BBQ or on your refrigerator. These 
questions should certainly stimulate interesting conversations.

If a man speaks in the middle of the woods and no women hear him, is he 
still wrong?

What should we do if we see an endangered species eating an endangered 
plant?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

What do you plant to grow a seedless watermelon?

How deep would the ocean be without sponges?

What is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

If we are here to help others, then what are the others here for?

Can atheists get insurance protecting them from Acts of God?

How can there possibly be self-help groups?

How come super glue doesn’t stick to the tube?

If a rabbit’s foot is so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?

What’s another word for thesaurus? Or synonym?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?

How do “Don’t walk on the grass” signs get there?

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Does that screwdriver really belong to Philip?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

Who is the wise guy who put the letter ‘s’ in lisp?

And finally, the ultimate question: “What if there were no hypothetical 
questions?”

On a more serious note, my friend Holly sent me a link to information 
promoting disaster preparedness for your pets. If you have pets please check 
this out. You can find it at http://www.petfinder.com/info/pets-in-disasters.
html. Thanks Holly. Another friend, Helen, has a sticker on the front 
window of her house alerting people to the fact that there are pets inside. 
And in case of a disaster (and she’s not home) that whoever comes across 
the house to please rescue the pets. Another good idea. Thanks Helen.


OUT TO PASTOR 

A Weekly Religion Column by Rev. James Snyder

GIGGLE THE POUNDS AWAY 
WITH LAUGHTERCISE

 Finally, someone has come up with a weight loss program 
I can sink my teeth into without guilt. And I say, it’s about 
time. I can’t speak for anybody else, but I’m fed up with diet 
programs that simply beat me to death.

 I’m tired of starving myself under the pretense of dieting, and exercising my 
body to the brink of absolute exhaustion. It’s about time someone looked on the 
lighter side of dieting.

 According to a study in Athens, Greece, scientists have found a good laugh is a 
calorie burner not to be ignored. You can be sure this gained my attention.

 Some American researchers found that 10 to 15 minutes of genuine giggling 
can burn off the number of calories found in a medium square of chocolate. These 
scientists discovered a way to measure how many calories people burn when they 
laugh.

 When I read this, I laughed for 39 minutes, allowing me to eat two medium 
squares of chocolate. At this rate, I’ll be able to eat several pounds of chocolate a 
day.

 Now that’s what I call a diet.

 According to their findings, the average person burns 20 percent more calories 
when laughing, compared to not laughing. If somebody laughs for 10 or 15 minutes 
a day they would burn up to 50 calories, depending on body size and the intensity 
of the laughter.

 This means if I laughed for 10 to 15 minutes a day, I would burn enough calories 
to lose 4-1/2 pounds in a year. That’s nothing to laugh at.

 This means in 50 years I would completely disappear from the face of the earth. 
Which poses a question; when a person loses weight, where does that weight go?

 I’m not one to jump on the latest bandwagon but there is nothing funny about 
carrying around extra weight. For some it’s like having a monkey on their back, for 
me it’s more like a gorilla.

 Up to this point, my weight loss program has been a laughing matter. Little did 
I know my laughing was burning calories!

 My exercise program has been a real joke, which may have done me good and 
I didn’t know it. To be honest, my regimen has not produced the results I desired.

 Just a few years ago, I exercised my right as an American citizen to vote for the 
president of my choice, which has been quite taxing on me, you can be sure. This 
kind of exercise takes more out of a person than realized at the time and must be 
good because I lost a great chunk of money in paying my taxes this year.

 Every day I exercise my right to remain silent when the Gracious Mistress of the 
Parsonage is giving me a piece of her mind. Although I have not lost any weight 
with this exercise, I haven’t lost any arguments, either. Personally, I think it’s a good 
trade-off. 

 Now, with this new information I shall change my whole approach to dieting. 
Instead of working hard, exercising every day and watching what I eat, I shall 
throw caution to the wind and laugh all day long.

 I shall laugh off all criticism with good humor. I shall roll in the aisles with 
uncontrollable mirth. My only concern is that I don’t die laughing.

 For the observant person, like Yours Truly, each day provides plenty of 
things to laugh about. My only problem is to know exactly where to start. 
I could start laughing at my Beloved but I’m sure I would lose something 
other than weight, so I don’t want to go there, if you know what I mean. 
A good guffaw, I’ve discovered, carries more than just personal benefits. An old 
proverb says, “Laugh, and the whole world laughs with you.” So, I can see where my 
laughing is going to help other people lose weight.

 Why didn’t somebody think of this before? I may have lost some time; but 
be assured I am determined to giggle my way to supreme health in the days and 
months ahead.

 To begin my regimen of laughter, I only need to wake up in the morning. Believe 
me when I say, not waking up in the morning is no laughing matter.

 When I wake up, I yawn, stretch and then go to the bathroom. One look in 
the mirror is good for a good belly laugh, which helps start the day in the right 
direction.

 For the next laugh, I turn to the early morning news programs, which is good for 
a laugh-a-minute. We truly live in a funny world, at least for the person who takes 
the time to see the funny side of the street.

 All those people on early morning television seriously think what they say is 
important. When in reality, very little of what they say makes any difference in 
anyone’s day. If they only knew how insignificant their opinions are, they probably 
wouldn’t get up in the morning and go to work. They give, on any given morning, 
sidesplitting, rib-tickling, laugh-a-minute exercises.

 If you happen to see me walking down the street with a smile all over my face, 
don’t be alarmed. I am engaged in my Laughtercise for the day.

 “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones” 
(Proverbs 17:22). 

Mountain Views News

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community newspaper 
and the concerns of 
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priorities. We support a 
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citizens. We hold in 
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of the exceptional 
quality of life in our 
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the magnificence of 
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