Mountain Views News          Saturday, December 21, 2013

B3

 

OPINION

 Mountain Views News Saturday, December 21, 2013 


STUART Tolchin........On LIFE

OUT TO PASTOR 

A Weekly Religion Column by Rev. James Snyder

Mountain 
Views

News

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Susan Henderson

CITY EDITOR

Dean Lee 

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CONTRIBUTORS

Chris Leclerc

Bob Eklund

Howard Hays

Paul Carpenter

Stuart Tolchin

Kim Clymer-Kelley

Christopher Nyerges

Peter Dills 

Hail Hamilton 

Rich Johnson

Merri Jill Finstrom

Lori Koop

Rev. James Snyder

Tina Paul

Mary Carney

Katie Hopkins

Deanne Davis

Despina Arouzman

Greg Welborn

Renee Quenell

Ben Show

Sean Kayden

Jasmine Kelsey Williams

PRESENTS: How Do You Wrap An 
Artichoke?

AMISH AIN’T ALWAYS AMISH

 Recently, it was 
my privilege to go 
to a convention 
in Ohio in the 
middle of a large 
Amish/ Mennonite 
community. I looked forward to this very 
much because I grew up in Lancaster 
County Pennsylvania, which has many 
Amish/ Mennonite communities.

 I was expecting quite a bit as I packed 
my bags to leave.

 “Are you sure you got everything?” A 
phrase reiterated to me by the Gracious 
Mistress of the Parsonage.

 To which I responded by saying, “Yes, 
for the umpteenth time I got everything.”

 This in and of itself was to guarantee me 
I would forget something, usually essential 
in my travel. Then when I get home, I will 
be reminded that I was reminded to make 
sure I got everything.

 Nothing, at this point, could deter 
my high-level expectation of going into 
an Amish/ Mennonite community. My 
great eagerness was looking forward to 
indulging in one of my favorite desserts: 
the shoofly pie. Nobody makes shoofly pie 
quite like those wonderful Amish people.

 To make matters even more enticing, I 
would not have anybody sitting next to me 
reminding me I had enough shoofly pie. I 
fully intended to gorge myself on as much 
shoofly pie as my wallet could handle. In 
my book, there is no such thing as too 
much shoofly pie.

 I drove 15 hours to get to this little town 
in Ohio. Every mile creating anticipation 
for my dessert delicacy awaiting me in 
some Amish restaurant.

 I confess it has been a long time since I 
visited an Amish/ Mennonite community. 
Even though I grew up in such a 
community, some things a person tends to 
forget.

 The convention I was attending ended 
Sunday morning at lunch. I, being the 
grandiose Know-It-All, decided to skip 
the Sunday lunch and look for a restaurant 
to indulge in my delectable delicacy. The 
convention was wonderful and as I left the 
grounds, I did so with a lot of joy in each 
step.

 The thing I forgot was it was Sunday in 
an Amish/ Mennonite community. If you 
have never been in such a community, let 
me inform you that on Sunday the only 
thing open are churches. I had forgotten 
this little tidbit.

 During the week, I made a list of several 
Amish restaurants. I had plans of visiting 
each of them before I left and having 
shoofly pie, a whole pie, in each restaurant.

 When I got to the first restaurant, it 
finally hit me. This was Sunday and 
everything in an Amish/ Mennonite 
community was closed. I do not usually go 
to a restaurant on Sunday unless it is some 
special occasion. I was a little chagrined 
to realize everything was closed. This only 
heightened my anticipation of the shoofly 
pie delicacy awaiting me come tomorrow.

 At times it feels like tomorrow will never 
come, but eventually tomorrow came and 
I awoke with a song on my lips, a pang 
of hunger in my stomach and a desire to 
indulge in a shoofly delicacy.

 I finally arrived at my first Amish 
restaurant and I was drooling so much I 
could hardly tell the hostess I was just a 
party of one. Boy, what a party it was going 
to be.

 Being a gentleman, I contained 
myself as best I could and ordered a very 
scrumptious repast. Nobody can cook like 
those Amish women. Oh, what a lunch I 
had. I think what made it so wonderful was 
the dessert expectation hovering over me 
like an angelic halo.

 Just as I was finishing my lunch the 
lovely young waitress, all dressed in Amish 
attire, came by inquiring if I would like to 
see the dessert menu.

 “No,” I said with a delectable 
determination, “I know exactly what I 
want for dessert.”

 We exchanged smiles. I have no idea 
what she was smiling about; maybe the 
anticipatory tip. I knew what I was smiling 
about; the anticipatory dessert.

 I tried to contain myself and carefully 
pace out my instructions.

 “Young lady,” I said as calmly as 
possible, “I will have a piece of shoofly pie. 
In fact, why don’t you bring me the whole 
pie.” And with that, I smiled.

 The waitress looked at me rather 
strangely and said, “What kind of pie do 
you want?”

 Being the kind of person that enjoys a 
good old-fashioned joke, I responded, “Ha 
ha ha. A shoofly pie, if you please.”

 “What’s a shoofly pie?”

 I can take a joke as well as anybody but 
there comes a time when all jokes need to 
be put aside and bring on the shoofly pie.

 “This is an Amish restaurant, isn’t it?”

 “Yes it is,” she smiled patiently.

 “You’ve heard of a shoofly pie, haven’t 
you?”

 “No, I’ve never heard of such a pie.”

 I cannot tell you the depth of 
disappointment this brought to me. For 
weeks, I have been looking forward to 
some good old-fashioned shoofly pie.

 As it turned out, only the Amish/ 
Mennonite in Lancaster County 
Pennsylvania, know anything about 
shoofly pies. Not all Amish are the same, 
even though they look alike.

 The apostle Paul understood this kind of 
disappointment.

 “If in this life only we have hope in 
Christ, we are of all men most miserable” 
(1 Corinthians 15:19 KJV).

 I have had many disappointments in 
life and many people have disappointed 
me, but I have found in Jesus Christ no 
disappointment whatsoever. All legitimate 
hope is in Jesus.

 Well, it’s that time 
of the year again. The 
Holiday Season when 
custom requires that 
we extend ourselves 
and exchange gifts with those who are in 
some way significant to us. Just from the 
way I form these first few sentences you 
perceptive readers can discern that I am 
not comfortable with the whole process. 
(By the way I hereby declare that those 
of you who regularly read my articles 
are perceptive, sensitive people who are 
of great benefit to man and woman kind 
and especially to me.)

 Anyway, it’s true – I am not comfortable 
with the whole gift-giving thing. When 
I think of gifts I remember that first 
Valentine’s Day when I was going to 
elementary school in Chicago. The 
night before my grandmother, my mom, 
and I had carefully made Valentines for 
everyone in the class. I, of course, was 
afraid that I would miss someone but I 
was pretty sure I remembered everyone’s 
name. We made out the Valentines the 
night before and I dutifully and proudly 
marched off to School. 

 It was Chicago and cold and windy 
and snowing. Of course I fell in the snow 
and lost the bag that held the Valentines 
and also lost the bag that carried my 
lunch. I looked around for awhile but it 
was cold and I was late and had to go 
to school without the Valentines and 
without my lunch. That whole school 
day was pretty horrible. At the lunch 
break the school provided us with little 
cartons of milk but on this particular 
day it was frozen solid and we couldn’t 
drink it. So, no milk and no lunch for 
me and then in the afternoon it was 
time to distribute the Valentines.

 I, like all the other kids in class 
received many Valentines but each 
Valentine made me feel more unworthy. 
I had not given Valentines to any of the 
other kids and was too embarrassed 
to tell anyone. I think I’ve been feeling 
guilty about it for over sixty years. I 
know some of you less compassionate 
readers will echo Cher in “Moonstruck” 
and yell “So, get over it!.” I kind of agree 
with you but I seem to hold onto this 
feeling rather than to do something 
about it. Really though, it’s not that easy 
to remember the names from 60 years 
ago and to now send Valentines with 
a little note that says Better Late Than 
Never seems ridiculous.

 You know I meant that as an ironic 
joke to demonstrate how difficult it is 
to affect deep-seated negative views of 
our individual selves. Maybe though, 
it would be an interesting project 
for retirement; googling names and 
addresses then sending Valentines 
saying I failed to give one to you in 
1949; SORRY! Maybe it would rekindle 
pleasant memories of childhood for 
the senior citizens still alive enough to 
remember. Unfortunately at this stage 
of my life I cannot remember anyone’s 
name.

 Speaking of gifts, my wife just came 
downstairs and saw me writing on a 
yellow pad. “I can’t make the computer 
work”, I whined. She gave me that look 
that reminded me of how I felt when I 
lost the Valentines. The balky computer 
undoubtedly means that I have done 
something wrong and that I am going 
to have to ask her to type this article for 
me on another computer even though 
she is very busy. She is in the process of 
wrapping presents that say from Stuart 
and Irene. Of course this leads to more 
guilt as I did not participate in the gift 
selection or gift wrapping and of course 
I won’t know what people are talking 
about when we receive thanks for the 
gifts.

 I have been complaining about these 
negative feelings for years. About thirty 
five years ago, my then girlfriend decided 
to cure me once and for all by decreeing 
that we needed to give each other gifts 
once a month and wrap them ourselves. 
I can still remember struggling to wrap 
an artichoke and further struggling 
with gifts received from her which 
were things like diagrams for gift 
wrapping and for creating a bed made 
with hospital corners. I’m beginning 
to realize I like feeling guilty – it suits 
me. Maybe that’s why I still enjoy being 
a defense lawyer because as it happens, 
most of my clients are guilty.

 I still don’t know how to wrap an 
artichoke but, rather than continuing to 
feel guilty, I realize that this Christmas 
Season can easily be turned into 
something positive. My wife just gave 
me a wonderful present. She asked me 
to take a moment and go out and look at 
the sunrise. I did and it was spectacular 
as always. What a great gift to still be 
alive on this beautiful morning in this 
strange year where the temperature 
each day is a surprise.

 We all live in a wonderful world 
that continually presents us with gifts 
that require nothing from us but the 
awareness necessary to enjoy our own 
lives and with the opportunity to try our 
best to reach out to others.

 SO DON’T FFEEL GUILTY IF YOU 
HAVEN’T SENT ME A PRESENT.

 You’ve already given me a great gift by 
reading this whole article and being 
who you are. HAVE A GUILT FREE 
POSITIVE MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

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LEFT TURN/RIGHT TURN


HOWARD Hays As I See It

DUCK DYNASTY AND THE 
CULTURE OF INTOLERANCE

GREG Welborn


“To sustain a lifestyle which excludes others, or to sustain 
enthusiasm for that selfish ideal, a globalization of indifference 
has developed. Almost without being aware of it, we end up being 
incapable of feeling compassion at the outcry of the poor, weeping 
for other people’s pain, and feeling a need to help them, as though 
all this were someone else’s responsibility and not our own. The 
culture of prosperity deadens us; we are thrilled if the market offers 
us something new to purchase; and in the meantime all those lives 
stunted for lack of opportunity seem a mere spectacle; they fail to 
move us.” - Pope Francis, in “Evangelii Gadium” (“Joy of the Gospel”)

“This is just pure Marxism coming out of the mouth of the Pope.” 

- Rush Limbaugh

Intolerance and hatred have again spilled 
into the public square, and as is almost 
always the case, it’s coming from the left, not 
the right. As most readers know, A&E placed 
Duck Dynasty star and family patriarch, Phil 
Robertson, on indefinite suspension for 
comments he made about homosexuality 
in a recent GQ Magazine interview. The 
suspension was the least hurtful aspect of this 
situation. What’s appalling and should have 
Americans of all political persuasions up in 
arms are the lies and character assassination 
directed at Mr. Robertson.

As the GQ interview was released, GLAAD 
issued a statement accusing Phil Robertson of 
making “some of the vilest and most extreme 
statements uttered against LGBT people in 
a mainstream publication”. They called for 
A&E and its sponsors to disassociate with 
the family and Duck Dynasty. A&E was 
all too willing to accommodate. This was 
followed by a parade of gay activists making 
the rounds of the news shows to drive home 
the accusation of hatred, homophobia, and 
a general unworthiness to be seen in the 
company of polite society. Accusations like 
that deserve some analysis. If Phil Robertson 
is such a man, he, his family and his show 
probably do deserve banishment. So what 
did he say exactly?

In the interview, Phil is quoted as saying, 
“you put in your article that the Robertson 
family really believes strongly that if the 
human race loved each other and they 
loved God, we would just be better off.” The 
interviewer asked Phil what constituted sin. 
He replied, “start with homosexual behavior 
and just morph out from there. Bestiality, 
sleeping around with this woman and that 
woman and that woman and those men”. He 
offered as support a paraphrased quote from 
Corinthians: “Don’t be deceived. Neither the 
adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, 
the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the 
drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers – 
they won’t inherit the kingdom of God.” 

Perhaps the interviewer appeared shocked at 
hearing such a thing. We’ll never know, but 
Phil followed this by stating, “we never, ever 
judge someone on who’s going to heaven, 
hell. That’s the Almighty’s job. We just love 
‘em, give ‘em the good news about Jesus 
– whether they’re homosexuals, drunks, 
terrorists. We let God sort ‘em out later”. 

Let’s be perfectly clear here. Absent the 
slight technical differences from the exact 
Corinthians passage (it was paraphrased 
after all), there’s nothing hateful about 
those statements. In fact, I see a whole lot 
of tolerance in them. There’s also nothing 
erroneous about the statements. There’s 
nothing worthy of punishment here other 
than the fact that Phil Robertson dared to 
reference the mainstream belief of every 
major world religion, and Christianity 
specifically. He came out of the closet, 
although I’m not sure he was really ever 
in one – he’s never been that shy about his 
beliefs – and coming out 
of the closet is only 
something gays get to 
do.

Phil Robertson, like 
the bible he references, 
teaches love on each 
side of the discussion 
of sin. God speaks of his love for mankind 
(front end) and he commands us to love the 
sinner (the back end). But in between, God 
does speak of sin, labels it, condemns it, and 
directs us to correct it. In this, Christianity 
shares much with every other major religion; 
the practice of homosexuality is seen as 
a sin. So are the depravations to which 
heterosexuals are prone. Sleeping with many 
women, rather than just one’s wife, is a sin. 
Bestiality is a sin. Idolatry is a sin, etc. These 
sins are note equated, and they are not all 
attributed to homosexuals or heterosexuals. 
There is no attempt here to accuse anyone of 
any sin other than the one in which they may 
be engaging.

The point is, and always has been, that God 
prescribes certain behavior and lists other 
behavior as sin. He hates that sin (all of it), 
but he offers salvation from it. While each 
of us is working out our salvation and our 
repentance, all of us are called to treat one 
another in love. I find this beautiful. I love 
how God loves us through the sin even as He 
calls it out.

The hatred and hypocrisy in this whole 
sorted affair belong to the activists and the 
A&E executives. A&E has known about 
Phil’s beliefs for a very long time. They’ve 
been content to earn massive profits on a 
show about a bible thumping, gun toting, 
God fearing, and faithfully, heterosexually, 
and monogamously married band of 
“rednecks” for 5 seasons now. All of a sudden 
they’re shocked to find that this family really 
believes the bible. And yet, not so shocked 
that they take the show off the air. No, they 
want the advertising money from the reruns 
AND they want to pretend to be in sympathy 
with the gay activists. As for those activists, 
if we really listen to what they’re saying – to 
the words they’re using – it’s not too hard to 
see some real intolerance and hatred.

In a way, we should give thanks that this 
skirmish is out in the open. There is a 
culture war in the land, and until we engage 
in this war, defend our beliefs and in our 
right to articulate them, we’re going to be 
pushed around, and we’re going to eventually 
lose many of those rights. That’s something 
everyone should consider.

About the author: Gregory J. Welborn is a 
freelance writer and has spoken to several 
civic and religious organizations on cultural 
and moral issues. He lives in the Los 
Angeles area with his wife and 3 children 
and is active in the community. He can be 
reached gregwelborn2@gmail.com 

My wife and I got our first big jolt of Christmas 
spirit last weekend, attending the “Holiday 
Spectacular” of the Gay Men’s Chorus of Los 
Angeles at the Alex Theater in Glendale: 200 
voices, classic choral arrangements, familiar 
carols and show-stopping production 
numbers. (Seeing “12 Days of Christmas” 
breathlessly performed by bounding lads in 
black leather pants, I feel I’ve experienced the 
“definitive” version.)

 A couple special segments stood out. 
We were told that a dozen years ago, the 
GMCLA, on its second international tour, 
became the largest official gathering of gay 
men ever in Russia. With its performance 
of Tchaikovsky’s “Nyet, Tol’ka Tot Kto Znal” 
(“None But the Lonely Heart”) in Moscow 
(and St. Petersburg), “a stunned audience 
responded with tears and a deafening 
ovation.”

 We were reminded that the situation in 
Russia has regressed dangerously since then. 
As often happens, when oligarchs privately 
consolidate wealth and power, they distract 
attention by publicly targeting a particular 
minority for persecution. Today in Russia, 
that minority is the LGBT community. 
Roving bands of thugs seek out gays to 
beat-up, hatred and bigotry are promoted 
by politicians and state media, arrests are 
increasing for the crime of disseminating 
“gay propaganda”.

 Last weekend, the GMCLA performed 
“Nyet, Tol’ka Tot Kto Znal” again; this time 
in honor of their gay brothers and sisters in 
Russia.

Another highlight was a short set performed 
by the group Outside Voices – a product of 
the GMCLA’s support of anti-bullying efforts 
in schools. They looked to be a diverse 
bunch of high-school kids; boys and girls, 
black and white, Asian and Hispanic. What 
they all had in common was being out and 
being proud of who they were.

 The capacity audience was equally diverse 
– and both gay and straight. What they all 
had in common was joining together as one 
to give these kids one of the biggest ovations 
of the evening.

 Following the concert, my wife learned 
once again I’m incapable of passing up a shelf 
of used books for sale. I picked up a volume 
of American folklore – many identified 
as having African, European, Mexican or 
Native American origins, but all distinctly 
American.

 One of the first I turned to concerned a 
Dutch baker by the name of Baas Volckert 
Jan Pietersen Van Amsterdam, and what 
happened at his Albany (N.Y.) shop on New 
Year’s Eve, 1654.

 This baker was quite successful; specialties 
included New Year’s cakes and gingerbread 
men. Late this evening he was looking 
forward to the business New Year’s Day 
would bring, when a shrill-voiced, ugly old 
woman came and asked for a dozen New 
Year’s cookies. He got them for her, but she 
demanded another, saying she’d only gotten 
twelve. He told her twelve was a dozen, she 
still demanded another to make the dozen, 
and finally he told her that if she needed 
another one, she could go to the Devil for it.

 The story concerns whether that was, in 
fact, what she did. From then on, nothing 
the baker tried to bake turned out right. His 
wife went deaf. An “invisible hand” pelted 
him with bricks torn from his oven. His 
kids became “unkempt” as business went 
elsewhere.

 Three times the old woman returned with 
the same request, and three times she was 
told she’d have to go to the Devil for that 
extra cookie.

 Finally, the baker had had enough, and 
called on the patron of Dutch feasts, Saint 
Nicholas, for help. Saint Nick appeared and 
gave him a lecture on generosity and charity.

 As Saint Nicholas vanished, the old woman 
appeared in his place and again asked for that 
extra cookie. This time, she got it.

 Announcing that the spell was broken, she 
took a gingerbread likeness of Saint Nicholas 
from the shelf, put the baker’s hand on it, and 
had him promise to be more generous in the 
future. From then on, thirteen comprised a 
baker’s dozen. 

 The story made no mention of Christmas or 
Santa Claus. Saint Nicholas was not bringing 
gifts himself, but instead came admonishing 
us to be more generous in giving to others.

 A week after Time named Pope Francis 
Man of the Year, the same honor was 
bestowed on him by The Advocate, the 
longtime foremost publication for the LGBT 
community. There’s no illusion of deviation 
from the church’s stand on gay marriage, but 
recognition of progress: from a year ago with 
a Pope who’d declared homosexuality to be 
“intrinsically evil”, to today when the Pope 
asks, “When God looks at a gay person, does 
he endorse the existence of this person with 
love, or reject and condemn this person?”

 Last week, President Obama named tennis 
great Billie Jean King and Caitlin Cahow, 
star of the U.S. Women’s Ice Hockey team, to 
the official U.S. delegation to the upcoming 
winter Olympics at Sochi, Russia. As to the 
president’s pointedly sending two openly gay 
women to a country with a worsening record 
of persecution against gays, White House 
spokesman Shin Inouye says the delegation 
“represents the diversity that is the United 
States”, and the president “knows they will 
showcase to the world the best of America -- 
diversity, determination and teamwork.”

 Merry Christmas.

Mountain Views News

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