Mountain Views News          Saturday, December 28, 2013

12

OPINION

Mountain Views News Saturday, December 28, 2013 


STUART Tolchin........On LIFE

OUT TO PASTOR 

A Weekly Religion Column by Rev. James Snyder

Mountain 
Views

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CONTRIBUTORS

Chris Leclerc

Bob Eklund

Howard Hays

Paul Carpenter

Stuart Tolchin

Kim Clymer-Kelley

Christopher Nyerges

Peter Dills 

Hail Hamilton 

Rich Johnson

Merri Jill Finstrom

Lori Koop

Rev. James Snyder

Tina Paul

Mary Carney

Katie Hopkins

Deanne Davis

Despina Arouzman

Greg Welborn

Renee Quenell

Ben Show

Sean Kayden

Jasmine Kelsey Williams

SO, HOW ARE WE DOING?

A GRANDFATHER’S STAND ON THE 
FATHER CHRISTMAS HULLABALOO

 Well, it’s the 
end of the year and 
as good a time as 
any to make some 
judgments about the 
way we are living our 
lives. I don’t even know the categories 
to properly assist in making judgments. 
So, maybe that’s a good place to start. 
What are the categories to be used in 
judging our own lives?

 The first thing that comes to 
mind is the question Am I Happy. What 
pops up next is, What Difference Does 
That Make?” Is happiness what it’s all 
about? Parents always seem to be saying 
to their kids, “I don’t care what you’re 
doing; I just want you to be happy”. 
Mostly I think they’re lying. Whether 
or not the kids describe themselves 
as being happy is surely not the most 
important thing to most parents. After 
all, they’re only kids so what do they 
know? I’m kidding, sort of. It’s just 
that happiness is not the overarching 
judgment. I know for me being happy 
or not often changes as quickly as the 
weather. No matter how I felt when I 
woke up I do not experience myself as 
very happy when I fight traffic to get to 
work in the morning. It’s often worse 
when I’m supposed to be in more than 
one place at the same time, inevitability 
in lawyering, and I’m stressed out over 
trying to make my schedule work. 
Invariably I’ll remember something I’ve 
forgotten to do and in this struggle all 
happiness disappears.

 Maybe this description of my 
feelings doesn’t ring a bell for you but 
I’m pretty sure that most, if not all of us, 
experience great changes in our feelings 
of satisfaction during the day. Sure it’s 
probably appropriate to say that I’m 
happy I’m not starving, and that I’m 
not freezing, that I’m not homeless, 
that I have a loving wife and pretty 
wonderful children. I’m happy to be 
living in Southern California away 
from the terrible weather that seems 
to be everywhere else in the country 
except for Florida and I’m happy not to 
be living in Florida. My health could be 
better but it could just as easily be worse 
so I guess I’m happy about that. The 
whole point is that all of these above 
reasons for satisfaction are simply 
not the kinds of things one can use to 
evaluate a life.

 So what is? I think we can all 
agree that wealth accumulation alone 
is not the criteria to judge the value of 
a life. Maybe having lots of money 
helps to eliminate stress but even the 
elimination of stress does not seem 
to be the right criteria to evaluate the 
worth of a life. Perhaps being able to 
buy lots of things and to have vacation 
houses is important but I still believe in 
the truth of the old Yiddish expression 
that when assessing the need for 
additional bathrooms some wise person 
said, “Why, do you have more than one 
tuchus?”

 I used the Yiddish word 
“tuchus” because I think it’s funny. It 
makes me laugh and to save you trouble 
of looking it up --the expression means 
literally means that you have only one 
butt; but it implies much more. The 
Yiddish phrase contains a sense of 
humility, a warning not to forget who 
you are, or to take yourself too seriously. 
To me the ability to laugh at oneself is 
a very important part of the value of a 
person. The whole reaction to humor, 
the ability to live life imaginatively 
and creatively and to experience the 
kind of excitement that carries one 
beyond individual concerns is at its 
core the appreciation of being alive. If 
we are locked into our own individual 
importance and our own individual 
tasks we are foreclosed from that 
experience.

 Right now I’m frustrated 
because I am unable to find a quoted 
joke in the recent issue of a magazine 
I to which I subscribe and often refer 
to in my articles. This is the Lapham 
Quarterly Journal and this particular 
issue relates to Comedy. Quoted within 
it somewhere is the first recorded written 
joke. The joke refers to something a 
lady would never do in her husband’s 
lap. I think this unique joke portrays 
something about the appreciation of the 
human condition that has been around 
for millennia. I’ve been searching for 
an obscene time and I can’t find it and 
now I’m sick of the whole idea.

 Hold everything, I 
just had an insight. The way to judge 
oneself is to notice if when things go 
wrong, as they invariably do, are you 
able to control your own attitudes and 
behavior so that you can enjoy yourself 
and others and enjoy your life.

 Well, right now I can’t. I’m 
going to bed but I do wish you a belated 
Merry Christmas and a Happy New 
Year and hope I’ve helped a little to 
show the way to experience your own 
value in tough times. It probably works 
in not so tough times as well.

 

During this time of 
the year, a certain 
controversy raises its 
ugly red-scarfed head. 
Year after year, this 
hullabaloo continues and nobody has taken 
the initiative to deal with this holiday wrangling. 
That is, until now.

Normally, I am a mild-mannered person and 
just to be on the safe side, I stay out of telephone 
booths. You cannot be too careful, if you 
know what I mean.

As a great philosopher once said, "I've stands 
all I can stand and I can't stands no more."

This Christmas inequality has been going on 
for a very long time. It is about time somebody 
took some action in this regard. Since nobody 
else has the courage to take on this subject, I 
pick up my pen (actually it's my computer keyboard) 
and duly attack the subject at hand.

I know, as I begin, what I am going to say will 
not sit well with certain portions of the population. 
Some will even accuse me of jealousy and 
other foul attitudes. It just has to be said.

This disparity is between Father Christmas 
and Grandfathers. As a card-carrying member 
of the Grandfather's union (GFU), I feel I have 
the right to express my mind on this subject. 
In my opinion, Father Christmas is getting too 
much attention at the expense of Grandfathers 
everywhere.

Sure, I give you that Father Christmas does 
have his place in our culture. I know children 
are enamored with him in his silly little red suit 
and funny hat.

Just between you and me, no self-respecting 
Grandfather would be caught dead dressed 
like Father Christmas. I will admit that some 
Grandfathers dress rather silly and act even 
sillier.

I believe I should set the record straight between 
Father Christmas and Grandfathers. Let 
me compare these two right now and clear up 
this subject. Then you can be the judge. I have 
complete confidence in the intelligence of my 
readers.

First, Father Christmas makes up a list of 
naughty and nice children. I feel, and I am 
speaking as a Grandfather, this is highly discriminatory. 
Children should not be subjected 
to such discrimination in this day of 
enlightenment.

Today, children have it hard enough without 
this silly overweight elf from the North Pole 
putting undue pressure on them. Grandfathers 
love both naughty and nice children, especially 
the naughty. Grandfathers know naughty children 
need more attention.

Second, Father Christmas only comes once a 
year. What I want to know is what he is doing 
the rest of the year. From the pictures I 
have seen, I am guessing it is not in the area 
of exercise.

Grandfathers are around all the time, not just 
at Christmas. No matter what time of year, you 
can always find a Grandfather, which is more 
than can be said of Father Christmas.

Third, Father Christmas just brings toys in his 
huge bag. I grant you, some of these toys are 
terrific. I am not going to sell Father Christmas 
short on this aspect. I believe credit should be 
given where credit is due, unless it is my credit 
card.

Grandfathers should get some recognition for 
other things that are just as wonderful. Grandfathers, 
for example, are full of stories, jokes 
and a lot more.

If the truth were known, Father Christmas 
does not have the time to tell a story to any 
child. I think this is sad. Sadder still, does he 
even know a story?

Fourth, Father Christmas drives around in 
an old-fashioned sleigh powered by eight tiny 
reindeer, with no room to take children for 
rides. What is that all about?

Nothing is more exciting for children than 
driving around with their Grandfather, usually 
in some old pickup with an array of unidentifiable 
aromas. Whatever they are driving, the 
ride always ends with ice cream.

Try getting Father Christmas to drive children 
for ice cream and see what he does.

Fifth, Father Christmas, no matter where you 
see him, is always in a hurry. He never seems to 
have enough time to spend with children. Sure, 
toys are great, but no toy can equal time spent 
with a Grandfather.

One of the special things about a Grandfather 
is he always makes time for children. God 
made Grandfathers for children. Even though 
most Grandfathers are hard of hearing, they 
always hear what is important.

Sixth, Father Christmas, when his work is finished, 
lays his finger alongside of his nose and 
up the chimney he goes. Now that is fine, but it 
was a Grandfather who invented the "pull-my-
finger" joke.

I know similarities exist between Father 
Christmas and Grandfathers. Both, for example, 
are rotund and quite jolly. Both love 
cookies. However, that just may be where the 
similarity ends.

What people do not know, and I have this on 
good authority, Father Christmas always sends 
the Christmas bill to Grandfathers. Of course, 
Grandfathers do not complain about this for 
one moment. We are glad to help whenever 
we can; however, it would be nice to have a 
little bit of recognition during the Christmas 
holiday.

One thing Grandfathers can do Father Christmas 
cannot do is pray. Blessed are the grandchildren 
who have a Grandfather who prays 
for them.

"Confess your faults one to another, and pray 
one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual 
fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth 
much." (James 5:16 KJV.)

One righteous Grandfather is worth all the Father 
Christmases in the world.

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LEFT TURN/RIGHT TURN


HOWARD Hays As I See It

THEY WILL BE MISSED TOO

PETER Funt


Humanitarian Nelson Mandela. Actor 
Peter O’Toole. Novelist Tom Clancy. 
Interviewer David Frost. Actress Julie 
Harris. Senator Harry Byrd Jr. 

They are among the very famous who 
left us in 2013. But we also owe goodbyes 
to many others whose passing 
might have escaped our attention.

Sam Barshop had an idea for a mid-
priced hotel that would combine the 
styling of a country inn with the facilities 
of an urban establishment – the kind 
that would be emulated by Comfort Inn 
and Hampton Inn, among others. He 
built his first hotel in San Antonio in 
1968 and now La Quinta Inns number 
over 700. Barshop was 84.

Harvey Littleton grew up near the glass 
factory in Corning, N.Y. His dad was director 
of research there, but Harvey saw 
glass as an art form. One of the world’s 
most renowned glass sculptors, his pieces 
are displayed in museums worldwide. 
He was 91.

Dr. Janet Rowley was a pioneer in medical 
research. Her work at the University 
of Chicago led to targeted drug treatment 
for leukemia, saving tens of thousands 
of lives. Rowley succumbed to 
ovarian cancer at age 88. 

In 1956 Richard Heffner created a public-
TV series called “Open Mind” and 
served as its host until his death. As talented 
a listener as he was an interviewer, 
Heffner was 88.

When Chicago radio station WLS 
switched to rock ‘n roll in 1960 it had no 
use for the numerous farm magazines 
that arrived each week. Larry Lujack 
began reading from the journals in what 
came to be known as hilarious “Animal 
Stories.” The self-described Superjock 
was 73.

Author Barbara Park created the irrepressible 
kindergartner Junie B. Jones, 
who appeared in 29 books that together 
sold over 55 million copies. Park was 66.

When Dick Van Dyke found he’d have 
to dance in “Mary Poppins,” he requested 
Marc Breaux as choreographer. 
Breaux created such terrific dance numbers 
that he was hired for “The Sound 
of Music” and other memorable films. 
Breaux was 89.

Don Daily never finished high school, 
but he taught himself to program computers. 
In the 1980s he began creating 
chess software and Komodo was the 
most successful. When Komodo 6 came 
out in October Daily told fans he was 
dying of leukemia. He was 57.

MIT librarian Ann Wolpert helped 
create one of the earliest open access 
programs for online learning. Then, in 
2009 she developed the Open Access 
Mandate under 
which more than 
150 universities 
provide access to 
research documents. 
She was 
70.

Joseph Gomer 
was one of the 
last surviving 
members of the Tuskegee Airmen, 
the elite squad of black fighter pilots 
in World War II. Gomer, who flew 68 
combat missions, was 93.

In the book about her life she’s known 
as “The Prison Angel.” Mother Antonia 
Brenner was an American nun who 
chose to care for inmates at the notorious 
maximum-security La Mesa Prison 
in Mexico. She was 86.

Nowadays she’s well known to viewers 
of the Showtime hit “Masters of Sex.” 
Virginia Johnson and her partner William 
Masters pioneered research into 
human sexuality. She was 88.

By the time New Yorker Evelyn Kozak 
died in August she had been declared 
the oldest Jewish person in history. She 
was 113.

As a boy, Joseph Unanue’s special skill 
was bottling olives. The family business 
became Goya Foods, the nation’s largest 
Hispanic-owned food purveyor. Unanue, 
given the Bronze Star for bravery 
in World War II, was 88.

David Kern graduated from the Brooklyn 
College of Pharmacy and years later 
used that training to invent Orajel, the 
medication that relieves gum pain. He 
was 103.

Kenneth Batteile was hairdresser to the 
stars. He created Jackie Kennedy’s bouffant 
and hairdos for Audrey Hepburn 
and Marilyn Monroe. Known professionally 
as simply Kenneth, he was 86.

Jane Henson met Jim when they were 
freshmen at the University of Maryland. 
They became puppeteers and together 
invented the Muppets. Jane Henson was 
78.

His 1982 creation was mocked and 
dubbed “McPaper.” But Al Neuharth’s 
USA Today helped redefine print journalism 
in its transition to the digital age. 
He was 89.

Eydie Gorme met Steve Lawrence in 
1953 on the “Tonight Show” and they 
married a few years later. They charmed 
audiences as a sweetheart vocal team, 
with hits such as “Blame It on the Bossa 
Nova.” Steve was at her side when she 
died at 84.

The year ends, but the legacies live on. 
Peter Funt’s book, “Cautiously Optimistic,” is available 
at Amazon.com and CandidCamera.com. 

 “I disapprove of what 
you say, but I will defend 
to the death your right to 
say it” 

- biographer Evelyn 
Beatrice Hall, 
paraphrasing Voltaire

 “Better to remain silent 
and be thought a fool than to speak and to 
remove all doubt.”

- Abraham Lincoln (attributed)

 I’d intended to offer a customary year-
end wrap-up, with expectations for the year 
ahead, but instead I had to first look into 
what Greg Welborn had to say in his column 
last week.

 I’ll confess right off that “Duck Dynasty” 
is one of those popular cultural phenomena 
(like Pet Rocks and the “Lord of the Rings” 
trilogy) that I’ve somehow allowed to pass 
me by. But I did find a bit of background on 
the star of the show and focus of the current 
“controversy”, Phil Robertson.

 He got to college on a football scholarship 
(starting at QB ahead of Terry Bradshaw), 
earned a master’s in Education, taught for 
a while, opened a bar, had problems with 
alcohol which led to a separation from 
his wife, and then became involved with 
Churches of Christ.

 He developed a successful duck call in the 
mid-1970s, which his son, with a business 
degree, turned into a multi-million-dollar 
enterprise. His net worth has been estimated 
at $15 million, his son’s at $25 million – apart 
from whatever income’s derived off the TV 
show.

 “Reality TV” is primarily TV, with “reality” 
being a secondary pretense. TV shows need 
characters, and Robertson had previously 
objected to producer A&E’s attempts to 
create them. He objected to their insertions 
of unnecessary “bleeps” in the soundtrack, 
intended to suggest the family used profanity 
in their conversations. He objected that while 
family prayers were included, the words “in 
Jesus” were taken out.

 Whatever character it was that A&E sought 
to depict on their show, that of a backwoods 
bigot was not what they wanted – and they 
put Robertson on temporary suspension to 
assure he understood that. A&E’s not wanting 
such repugnant bigotry to be associated with 
their brand was characterized by Greg last 
week as “intolerance and hatred”. For A&E, 
it’s business – and, from the producers of 
“American Hoggers” and “Rodeo Girls”, 
perhaps a modicum of decency and sense of 
responsibility towards their audience.

 Greg writes of “hypocrisy”. Last weekend, 
Juan Williams on Fox News Sunday recalled 
how “The right . . . wanted Martin Bashir 
fired. Remember Dixie Chicks, or Tim 
Robbins, or Bill Maher? All of that, the 
right says get them out of here. But then they 
want to cry foul when people are intolerant 
of them. . . .The reason that the right is so 
strongly backing this is because they think 
this is a potential wedge issue, especially with 
older, white, evangelical voters.” 

 Williams went on to contrast this with 
his own departure from NPR some years ago: 
“When I got fired, it was part of an honest 
debate about terrorism in our society . . . But 
this is not about honest debate. What was 
said actually shuts down debate. It was ugly 
language about homosexual acts. It invites 
bigotry. It invites people to hate people who 
are gay.”

 In his interview with GQ, Robertson 
conflated homosexuality with bestiality, 
“drunks” and “terrorists”. But Greg sees 
“nothing hateful about those statements. In 
fact, I see a whole lot of tolerance in them.” 
Both Greg and Phil Robertson profess “love” 
for these drunks, terrorists and gay people, 
though all face condemnation from God for 
their sin. (Thanks a lot.)

 Greg describes Robertson’s views as the 
“mainstream belief of every major world 
religion”. I’ve yet to find anything definitive 
in the words of Jesus, and Greg’s self-
assured reporting on the views of God aren’t 
much help in regards to Buddhism, which 
recognizes no individual deity, but rather the 
Buddhahood existing within each of us.

 A central tenet in Buddhism is “karma”. 
More than simply a matter of what-goes-
around-comes-around, karma is defined as 
any word, thought or action – and the belief 
that all words, thoughts and actions become 
permanent; affecting us all throughout time.

 Greg singles out the organization GLAAD 
in his accusation of “lies and character 
assassination” directed against Robertson. 
GLAAD applies the principle of karma 
in recognizing how words, thoughts and 
actions in the media affect society as a whole. 
Throughout the years this has included 
actions against homophobic reporting of the 
HIV/AIDS crisis, exposing so-called “ex-
gay” groups, calling out homophobia in rap 
music and harmful stereotyping in movies, 
radio talk, comedy – and the Boy Scouts. In 
this, Greg finds “it’s not too hard to see some 
real intolerance and hatred”.

 Greg also warns of a “culture war” and 
the need to “defend our beliefs and . . . right 
to articulate them.” Nobody’s questioning 
Phil Robertson’s right to his opinion or GQ’s 
right to publish it. Regarding questions of 
ignorance and bigotry, however, perhaps 
A&E feels it’s best for its stars to remain 
silent, rather than “speak and to remove all 
doubt.”

 I just read of British scientist Alan Turing, 
the “father of artificial intelligence” who, 
seventy years ago, helped defeat Hitler by 
breaking the Nazi’s “Enigma” code. Less 
than a decade later he was convicted of 
“gross indecency” for having committed 
“homosexual offenses”, was chemically 
castrated and permanently lost his security 
clearances. Two years later, he committed 
suicide at the age of 41.

 Last week, he received a posthumous 
pardon from Queen Elizabeth II, at the 
request of the British government, for the 
crime of being gay.

 Next year, the first gay weddings will take 
place in Great Britain. Happy New Year. 

Mountain Views News

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