Mountain Views News, Combined Edition Saturday, September 9, 2023

13

OPINIONOPINION

Mountain View News Saturday, September 9, 2023 

MOUNTAIN 
VIEWS

NEWS

PUBLISHER/ EDITOR

Susan Henderson

PASADENA CITY 
EDITOR

Dean Lee 

PRODUCTION

SALES

Patricia Colonello

626-355-2737 

626-818-2698

WEBMASTER

John Aveny 

DISTRIBUTION

Peter Lamendola

CONTRIBUTORS

Stuart Tolchin 

Harvey Hyde

Audrey Swanson

Meghan Malooley

Mary Lou Caldwell

Kevin McGuire

Chris Leclerc

Dinah Chong Watkins

Howard Hays

Paul Carpenter

Kim Clymer-Kelley

Christopher Nyerges

Peter Dills 

Rich Johnson

Lori Ann Harris

Rev. James Snyder

Katie Hopkins

Deanne Davis

Despina Arouzman

Jeff Brown

Marc Garlett

Keely Toten

Dan Golden

Rebecca Wright

Hail Hamilton

Joan Schmidt

LaQuetta Shamblee

RICH JOHNSON 

NOW THAT’S RICH

STUART TOLCHIN


PUT THE LIGHTS ON


IQ'S RICH AND RODNEY DANGERFIELD

DEMOCRATS VS. AUTOCRATS

As usual I’m up 
all night thinking. 
Not doing 
much of anything 
but always thinking. 
Recently I 
happened to see a documentary 
about chimpanzees. Chimpanzees 
are the nearest relative of human 
beings. The documentary Chimp 
Empire narrated by Mahershala Ali 
describes the lives of chimpanzees 
as one of never ending conflict. The 
chimp world is hierarchical with 
each individual doing his utmost to 
move up within the hierarchy. The 
biggest and toughest chimp is the alpha 
male. Life is not all that simple. 
There are threats from other groups 
of chimpanzees who seek more territory 
and access to more fruit bearing 
trees. Additionally there are threats 
from within the empire. Younger 
and powerful members seek power 
on their own and attempt to overturn 
the existing empire. Nevertheless, 
the older alpha males realize 
that these young upstarts are of great 
value to the empire in the potential 
fights against enemy groups.

 Enough about chimps, 
who of course do have their endearing 
and playful sides; why do I keep 
thinking about this documentary? 
Is this model of hierarchy, and battle 
including predetermined sex-roles 
instructive about what are the necessary 
characteristics of human 
societies?

 What are the necessary attributes 
of an elected leader in our 
modern American Democracy? 
Many people, progressive liberal 
people like myself, bemoan the fact 
that our President is an octogenarian 
necessarily enfeebled by age 
and therefore inappropriate in these 
times of internal, external and existential 
crisis. Of course the other 
side presently is led by the aged ex-
President and their aged weakened 
Senate Leader. The ex-President still 
displays (or attempts to display} the 
characteristics of a larger than life 
super-hero who is invulnerable and 
invincible. He is a man not burdened 
by ideals but is blatantly interested 
only in power and public adoration. 
He is always on the attack, willing to 
attack and this behavior, although 
sickening to me, is very appealing to 
many Americans who feel the need 
for a STRONGMAN on their side.

 Ironically this very kind 
of larger than life character is all 
too reminiscent of the father of our 
Country, General George Washington. 
The near-by Huntington 
Library at one time had an exhibit 
displaying the history of George 
Washington and that exhibit, combined 
with my own reading, has 
given me a pretty complete picture 
of the man. From a very young age 
he craved power, always concerned 
about his appearance and how that 
affected others. His sturdy appearance 
on a horse, his great height, and 
the clothes he chose, were always of 
great importance. At the time of the 
Constitutional Convention he appeared 
already in military dress, as 
the presiding person at the convention. 
Washington was a slave-owner 
who built his glamorous expensive 
home at Mount Vernon well-aware 
of the impressive impact that would 
have upon others. He enjoyed being 
referred to as “King” by his Vice- 
President John Adams who was 
elected as the new country’s second 
President.

 Contrary to Mister Trump, 
George Washington did have a more 
reflective side. His well-remembered 
farewell address warned the 
nation to avoid the creation of an 
overgrown military which he saw as 
a great threat to liberty. He warned 
against the dangers of sectionalism 
arguing that the true motives of a 
sectionalist are to create rivalries 
between regions and people to gain 
power and take control of the government. 
He emphasized that the 
federal government has the responsibility 
to look out for the welfare 
of ALL THE AMERICAN PEOPLE 
and the great strength of the country 
resides in its unity. Although not 
much of a thinker he allowed himself 
to benefit from the assistance of 
rivals such as Alexander Hamilton, 
James Madison, and Thomas Jefferson. 
His example reminds me not 
only of both the alpha Chimpanzee 
and ex-President Trump but also 
contains much more understanding 
and compassion. To an extent 
he was both a ‘bleeding heart’ 
combined with an ‘iron fist’’. Such 
people are rare and if they do exist 
rarely relish the demeaning arduous 
process of participating in the 
American nominating process. It is 
my hope that such a person can be 
found that the America in which we 
all live will remain secure in addition 
to expressing and representing 
the highest ideals and virtues of human 
kind. 

You probably have some idea what your IQ (intelligence quotient) 
is. It’s the prevailing belief of determining your human intelligence. 
Comes from the snappy German term Intelligenzquotient. 
Intelligenzquotient advocates have determined two-thirds of the 
world population score between IQ 85 and IQ 115, 2.5% score above 130 and 2.5% 
below 70. 

Anything strike you funny about the percentages above? The geniuses who came 
up with intelligenzquotient must have scored in the bottom 2.5%. At least scored 
poorly in math. They completely forgot about 28.4% of the total world population.

Not all scientists think highly of the concept of IQ’s. My favorite evolutionary biologist, 
Stephen Jay Gould, (whose your favorite?) criticizes intellgenzquotience as 
a method to determine intelligence. He compares it to craniometry, popular scientific 
theory in the 1800’s which believed you could measure intelligence by measuring 
the size of your cranium lol (someone get me a tape measure).

Alright, enough high minded intellectual discourse.

My favorite comedian is Jacob Rodney Cohen. You probably know him better as 
Rodney Dangerfield.

Rodney Dangerfield was the comical name of a faux cowboy star on the Jack Benny 
radio program in 1941.

Rodney became a surprise hit one night on the Ed Sullivan Show. Ed needed a 
last-minute replacement and Rodney Dangerfield was in the neighborhood. Yay! 
Rodney was on his way. 

I thrive on clean humor and though Rodney skates near the edge once in a while, 
he is mostly okay. Cut out this column and put it in a safe place. You can quickly 
become the life of any party by memorizing a variety of Rodney’s famous lines.

Here goes:

“My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.”

“I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.”

“I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the 
west.”

“When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.”

“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.”

“I told my psychiatrist everyone hates me. He said, I was being ridiculous – everyone 
hasn’t met me yet.”

“It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed 
in the dark.”

“Don’t talk about yourself so much…we’ll do that when you leave.”

“I bought a perfect second car…a tow truck.”

“I found there is only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.”

“My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler’s checks.”

“I tell ya, I was an ugly child. I once asked a cop if he could find my parents. He 
said, I don’t know kid. There’s lots of places for them to hide.”

Parents: Love your kids and make sure they know you love them. Tell them often 
(Remember: Someday your gonna need help getting up from the couch.) Like I’ve 
said often, break a rule here and there with your kids. Take them out of school on 
a Friday at noontime. Tell the school you’re taking them to doctors appointments 
wink, wink, nudge, nudge. And then, take them to a movie. 

Probably not a good idea if your kid is a teacher or the principal. But, hey, why not?

Have a great week. My band, JJ Jukebox is celebrating my birthday (Halloween), 
with a rock and roll concert on Saturday, October 28 at Nano Café. (Yeah, I know 
its two months off). Come in costume. Dine, drink, dance. You can still be in bed 
by 10:00. Reservations call Nanos (626) 325-3334. 

Friend Jane Fuller is performing at Corfu Restaurant Saturday night, September 
23. She is the best musician singer of all my friends. Reservations call Corfu (626) 
355-5993.

Mountain Views News 
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for the City of Sierra 
Madre; in Court Case 
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Madre, California, 91024. 
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DAN TYREE


HOW ARE YOU IN THE BEST 
FRIEND DEPARTMENT?

“So, Dan – what are you doing tonight?”

After 40-plus years, I can still hear one of my best friends 
from college asking that dreaded question.

No matter how many homework assignments, romantic 
entanglements and writing deadlines occupied my plate, 
Jack would invariably cajole me into some series of nerdy antics.

I have felt guilty over the decades. Family responsibilities and work responsibilities 
(and let’s face it – channel-surfing responsibilities) ensured 
that (a) I drifted away from Jack after college and (b) I failed to visit him 
before his premature death.

(I’m not so overwrought about high school friends who escaped from my 
orbit. If they failed to “stay cool” and “always remember French class,” 
they voided the warranty!)

But, ironically enough, I see I have plenty of company in my isolation.

According to figures cited by the Wall Street Journal, 40 percent of Americans 
say they don’t have a best friend at all – up from 25 percent in 1990.

I understand competitor USA Today attributed this statistic to (a) spontaneous 
combustion from climate change and (b) white supremacists declaring, 
“I’m so supreme I don’t even need other white people, although 
I would like to borrow a skill saw, and the occasional six-pack would be 
appreciated”; but I’ll try to focus on my original source.

(Speaking of which, the Journal conveniently failed to quote anyone admitting, 
“After spending thirty bucks a week on the Journal, I don’t have 
any MONEY for tagging along to the @%^& gun-and-knife show!”)

Frankly, I feel unworthy of being the recipient of the sort of devotion described 
in James Taylor’s “You’ve Got a Friend.” I don’t want someone 
dropping everything to come to my rescue – especially if they’re directing 
airplanes onto a landing strip. (“Winter, spring, summer or fall…you’ll 
keep working until you pay for airplane and all.”)

In a perfect world, it’s healthy to have a confidante you can use as a sounding 
board. But considering the news sources some people rely on, your 
sounding board might be crawling with termites.

Society’s mixed signals exacerbate the BFF shortage. “A dog is man’s best 
friend.” “A boy’s best friend is his mother.” “Your spouse should be your 
best friend.” “People, let me tell you ‘bout my best friend. He’s a one-boy 
cuddly toy, my up, my down, my pride and joy.” And so forth. Apparently, 
best friends don’t roam solo across the hedge; they come in a bulk container 
from Costco!

The problem may accelerate as people learn to outsource friend duties. I 
call it the Dirty Dozen strategy. If you can bust a bunch of people out of 
prison in return for their wearing hideous bridesmaid gowns, what’s the 
point of harassing sorority sisters?

Our culture still offers opportunities for wing men, alibis and designated 
drivers; but many guys feel awkward and homophobic about the “Do you 
want to be my best friend – check ‘Yes’ or ‘No’” step. (“Sure, I’ll keep you 
company at the DMV – but only, um, if there’s a hot tub filled with babes 
displaying Big American Breasts!”)

Make an honest assessment of your own life. Maybe you’ll continue muddling 
through as a loner, or perhaps you’ll treasure a co-conspirator who 
texts you, “What are you doing tonight?”

“Oh, I’m about to touch down after my flight from Little Rock and – where 
are the lights??? AIIIIEEEE!”

C’mon – Jack would have laughed.

Danny Tyree welcomes email responses at tyreetyrades@aol.com and visits 
to his Facebook fan page “Tyree’s Tyrades.”


Mountain Views News

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Mountain Views News 80 W Sierra Madre Blvd. No. 327 Sierra Madre, Ca. 91024 Office: 626.355.2737 Fax: 626.609.3285 Email: editor@mtnviewsnews.com Website: www.mtnviewsnews.com