BEST FRIENDS & MORE 


WE'RE THE SAME AGE? 

We all do it. We meet someone, find out how old they areand immediately compare them to ourselves. “She’s my age?
Wow she looks great!” Or sometimes we have the oppositereaction and think, “Really? We’re the same age?” Then 
comes the inevitable question: “Which one of us looks 
younger?” 

The older we get, the more striking those differences can be.
Look at photos of your high school graduating class thenand now. Everyone was the same age back then, but decadeslater, some classmates definitely look younger than others. 
Some of that is genetics, but genetics isn’t the whole story.
What we see in the mirror also reflects what we’ve done for 
decades. 

Michele Silence, M.A. is a 37-year certified fitness One big one is sun exposure. Ultraviolet radiation damages 
professional who offers semi-private/virtual fit


ness classes. Contact Michele at michele@kid-fit. skin and is a major cause of photoaging, including wrinkles, 
com. Visit her Facebook page at: michelesfitness spots, changes in skin texture and loss of elasticity. In 

Visit her Facebook page at: michelesfitness. 

a randomized study, people who used sunscreen every

day showed 24 percent less skin aging over 4½ years thanthose who used sunscreen whenever they chose. Some of what we call “getting old” is actuallyaccumulated sun damage. So if you aren’t using sunscreen now, start. 

Smoking is another major factor. Research has repeatedly linked smoking with premature skinaging and wrinkles. Tobacco smoke damages collagen and other structures that help keep skinfirm. After decades, that can make a noticeable difference in appearance. If you smoke, nowmight be a good time to quit. 

Then there is exercise. Exercise isn’t going to erase wrinkles, but it can affect many of the otherthings we notice when we decide someone “looks young.” Muscle mass, body composition,
posture and the way we move all contribute to the impression we make. Someone who standsupright, walks briskly and moves easily may appear younger than someone the same age whohas difficulty moving or walks slumped over. It’s never too late to reap these benefits either, so ifyou aren’t exercising, get started. 

Maintaining muscle becomes especially important as we get older because we gradually losemuscle mass and strength, particularly if we are inactive. Resistance exercise can slow that loss 
and help older adults maintain or gain strength and muscle. It won’t change the date on yourdriver’s license, but it can change how your body looks, moves and feels. 

Weight affects appearance too, although thinner does not automatically mean younger. Whereand how much fat we carry changes with age, and losing a large amount of weight can even makesome people look older in the face. A better goal is maintaining a healthy body composition,
including enough muscle. 

Sleep can also affect how we look. Most of us have looked in the mirror after a terrible night’ssleep and seen the evidence. Research has found an association between poor sleep quality andsigns of skin aging. That doesn’t mean eight hours of sleep will prevent wrinkles, but adequatesleep is one part of taking care of ourselves as we age. 

There is no food that will keep your face young and no “anti-aging” supplement that can stop theclock. Good nutrition provides the nutrients our skin and bodies need. Heavy alcohol use canalso affect sleep, hydration and overall health and can cause visible physical changes over time. 

Then there is something we can’t see in the mirror: biological age. Scientists use health measuresand biological markers to estimate how quickly our bodies are aging internally. Two people whoare both 70 can have very different cardiovascular health, blood pressure, blood sugar, fitnessand physical ability. 

But appearance and biological age aren’t the same thing. Someone who spent a lifetime in the sunmay have lots of wrinkles yet be extremely fit and healthy. Another person may have beautifulskin and look 10 years younger while having high blood pressure, poor cardiovascular fitnessand very little muscle. We can’t judge how well someone’s body is aging simply by looking attheir face. 

If we’re going to compare ourselves with someone else our age, remember that we don’t know thehistory behind that face. Genetics and lifestyle play a role, while Botox, fillers, cosmetic surgery,
hair coloring and other treatments can change how old someone appears without changing thebody underneath. 

We all want to win the “Who looks younger?” contest so the next time you meet someone yourage, you’ll probably still compare. I know I will. But while looking younger feels good, I’d rather 
look healthy, stand tall, move well and have a body that lets me keep doing the things I enjoy.
That’s a pretty great way to look good at any age. 

Michele Silence, M.A. is a certified fitness professional who offers semi-private/virtual fitness classes.
Contact Michele at michele@kid-fit.com. Visit her Facebook page at: michelesfitness 

Mountain View News Saturday, November 7, 2026 

UNLOCK YOUR LIFE 

I’M WITH MYSELF ALL THE TIME ON 
NOTICING THE DISTANCE BETWEEN MY 
VALUES AND MY BEHAVIOR 

By Lori A. Harris 

I want to be a peaceful, loving person. Someone whose friends feel

safe with her, whether they are in the room or not. But sometimes,

when I recall a frustrating situation and I have an audience, my

behavior doesn’t reflect those intentions. I’ve noticed that I getagitated and my voice rises. I’ll start to describe the offending behavior in detail. I hear the 
aggravation in my own telling, but I keep going. 

Like releasing steam, I feel immediate relief from the frustration. Someone hears me, perhapsunderstands me, perhaps agrees. For a moment, I’m not alone with what bothers me. Buteventually, that relief gives way to something else. I feel bad about how I’ve spoken. Then Ibecome critical of myself. It doesn’t feel loving, and my body knows it. 

I haven’t necessarily said something untrue. But the way I’ve told the story, the agitation, theangry tone, the case I’m making against someone who isn’t there, doesn’t reflect who I wantto be. And I haven’t made room for understanding or repair with the person involved. I’vereleased some pressure, but the relationship remains where I left it. Complaining only feelsgood for an instant. 

The word I keep returning to is congruence: the alignment between what I value and how Ibehave. 

But what interests me isn’t just the idea of alignment. It’s how that alignment feels. I’m withmyself all the time. The conversation ends, the listener goes home, and I’m still here withthe feeling of how I behaved. This matters to me because I like feeling good. Not because I 
expect to feel comfortable every minute. Not because I want to avoid difficult conversations.
I want the internal satisfaction of knowing I’ve acted in a way I respect. I’m learning tonotice the difference between what feels good immediately and what feels good later. For me,
this is where mindfulness becomes personal: noticing the relief, noticing what follows, andgiving myself an opportunity to choose differently. I can notice a behavior without beratingmyself. As a coach, I spend time thinking about how we live in alignment with what mattersto us. So when I notice this behavior in myself, another judgment arrives: “You shouldknow better.” I catch myself believing that awareness should be enough. If I can see whatI’m doing, shouldn’t I be able to stop? Then a moment of recognition becomes an argumentagainst myself. 

I have two things to contend with: the behavior I want to change and the story I’m tellingabout what that behavior proves about me. I want to take responsibility for the first withoutautomatically punishing myself for the second. I don’t want to excuse myself. I also don’twant to make self-condemnation the price of self-reflection. Instead of asking, “How canI call myself a loving person?” I want to ask, “What would love do here?” It might meanlowering my voice. Acknowledging that I’m getting worked up. Or admitting that theconversation I’m having about someone is a substitute for a conversation I’ve been avoidingwith them. 

I want to check in with myself. Am I seeking support or merely gossiping? I don’t want tomake a rule that I must never discuss a difficult relationship with someone I trust. SometimesI want help understanding an experience or deciding what to do. What troubles me is themoment I stop seeking understanding and start recruiting agreement. Am I trying to seemore clearly, or am I spreading a story? When I’m agitated, I can make one incident stand forthe whole person. I repeat what annoyed me and leave out everything that doesn’t supportmy complaint. What happened? What meaning have I added? Can I really be certain aboutthe other person’s intentions? I’m not asking these questions to prove that my feelings arewrong. I’m asking because I don’t want my first interpretation to be the only one I consider.
When I’m rehearsing a hurt, I can become absorbed in one scene: what was said, whatshould have happened, what it seemed to mean. However, these are my recollections. I needto remember that I could be wrong. I don’t want to pretend that scene didn’t happen. But isit the only scene I’m willing to remember? I never want to reduce a relationship to a singularincident. Remembering moments of kindness would not erase the hurt. Nor would it settle 
the question of what boundaries or conversations I might need. But perhaps I can remembersomething true alongside something else that is also true. "Ouch, that hurt me, but there wasalso love." I’m not trying to manufacture a happier story. I’m making room for a fuller one,
and then deciding how I want to respond. 

An invitation to write before speaking 

If this feels familiar, consider writing a letter you do not intend to send. Choose a recent,
manageable frustration rather than your deepest wound. Write what happened, what hurt,
and what you wish the other person understood. You don't need to make the letter polished 
or gracious. It is private. 

Keep the letter, tear it up, or shred it. You don't need to send it. Before you put it aside, finish 
this sentence: 

“My next honest, caring step could be…” 

That step might be a conversation, a boundary, an apology, or a decision not to repeat thecomplaint to another audience. This letter does not have to resolve the relationship. It can bea place to listen to yourself before choosing what comes next. For now, I want congruence tomean something more practical than never getting agitated. I want it to mean noticing whenmy behavior moves away from my values and letting that awareness interrupt me. I’m with 
myself all the time. I want to enjoy that company. And when I hear myself speaking in a waythat doesn’t feel loving, I want to remember that I still have a choice. 

Lori A. Harris is an award-winning performance coach. You can learn more about her atloriaharris.com 

Mountain Views News 80 W Sierra Madre Blvd. No. 327 Sierra Madre, Ca. 91024 Office: 626.355.2737 Fax: 626.609.3285 Email: editor@mtnviewsnews.com Website: www.mtnviewsnews.com