Mountain View News May 9, 2026 

THE EXERCISE EATING TRAP 

Have you ever finished a workout and thought, “I Exercised, So I Can 
Eat Anything”? Maybe it was a donut, a big dinner, or a few extra 
snacks later that night. It feels fair. You exercised. You did something 

What Are You Holding in Your Mind About Them? 


good. So now you get a reward. This way of thinking is very common. 
In fact, it might be one of the biggest reasons people don’t see results— 

There is a person in your life, estranged or maybe just distant, 
a person whom you've given up on. Not directly. You'd never

even when they are exercising regularly. It sounds harmless, but over 

say it. But in your mind, the story has been written. You know

time it can quietly undo the good you are trying to do. 

how this goes. You know who they are.
What if that story is the problem?

Exercise feels like work, and sometimes hard work. When we finish, 

Here's something I've come to believe after nearly thirty

our brain looks for a re-ward. That reward often becomes food. The 

years, as a litigator, watching peo-ple fail in relationships and now helping people design 

problem is that most workouts don’t burn as many calories as people 

relationships they love: the version of a person you hold in your mind is the best version 
think. A 30-minute walk might burn around 100 to 150 calories. That’s 

of that person they can ever be in your presence. Your inner picture of someone sets the 
about the same as a small snack. But the reward we give ourselves is 

ceiling for your relationship with them. 
often much bigger. A muffin can be 400 calories. A fast-food meal can 
be 800 to 1,000 calories. Even a “healthy” smoothie can be 300 to 500 

This is not magical thinking. It is rigorous mental work. 
calories if it is loaded with extras. So even though you exercised, you 

Start With What You Actually Want

may end up eating more than you burned. This is not a failure. It’s just 

Most of us have buried our desire for reconciliation under layers of ‘why bother’ and ‘it’ll

a misunderstanding of how things work.

Michele Silence, M.A. is a 37-year certified fitness 

never happen.’ We've made peace with the loss by convincing ourselves we didn't want 

professional who offers semi-private/virtual fit-

what we lost. But what if you let yourself want it?

ness classes. Contact Michele at michele@kid-fit. 

There’s also something else going on. Your brain likes balance. When

com. Visit her Facebook page at: michelesfitness 

Visit her Facebook page at: michelesfitness. you do something hard, your brain says, “You deserve something 

Try this question: If anything were possible, what would I truly love with this person? 

good.” That’s not wrong. It’s how we are wired. But it’s not always 

Don't shrink the answer to fit what seems realistic. Let the real desire surface. Desire is 
helpful when your goal is to improve your fitness or lose weight. On 

not weakness; it is the engine of transformation. 
top of that, exer-cise can increase your appetite. Your body wants to replace the energy you used. So 
now you have two things happening at the same time. You feel like you earned a reward, and you are 

The Story Running in Your Head

We are always narrating our relationships. The question is whether we're conscious of the

ac-tually more hungry. That combination can lead to overeating without even realizing it. 

story or just subject to it. Take a moment and ask yourself:
What story am I telling about this person? Is it actually true? And, most importantly, do

When you use food as a reward for exercise, you start to connect the two in your mind. Exercise 

I want it to be true?

becomes something you “have to do” so you can eat what you want. That is backwards. Exercise should 
be something that helps your body feel better, move better, and get stronger. Food should support 

There's a phrase I use with my clients: Are you arguing for your limitations, or for your 

that—not cancel it out. If every workout is followed by overeating, progress becomes very slow, or it 

vi-sion? Because we will always find evidence for whatever story we're committed to. The 
stops completely. That’s when people get frustrated and say, “I’m exercising, but nothing is working.” 

question is which story we choose to marry. 

Before You Try to Change Them

So, instead of saying, “I exercised, so I can eat anything,” try saying, “I exercised, so I should fuel my 

Here's where most of us get it backward. We focus entirely on what the other person needs 
to do differently. But vision-driven transformation asks a prior question: 

body well.” That one small change can make a big difference. Food is not just a reward. It is fuel. The 
right foods can help you recover faster, feel less sore, have more energy for your next workout, and 
build strength over time. When you start to see food this way, your choices begin to change without 

Who am I being?

feeling forced. 

When you shift internally, processing old hurt, choosing forgiveness, deciding to 
see some-one differently, you can change the energy you carry into every interaction.

You don’t need a complicated eating plan to make this work. Keep it simple. After exercise, your body 

Relationships are a dynamic between two people. When you change your part of the

does best with some protein to help your muscles, some carbohydrates to replace energy, and fluids to 

dynamic, the dynam-ic shifts. 
rehydrate. These choices help your body recover without going overboard. They also keep your energy 
more steady so you don’t end up feeling tired and hungry later. 

I Know This From the Inside 

I once had an estrangement from someone I loved deeply. For a long time, I didn't believe 
This does not mean you can never have treats. You can still enjoy the foods you like. This is not about 

repair was possible, and honestly, I wasn't sure I believed it should be. But I started askinga different question: What if healing is possible, even if I can't see the way yet?

being perfect. The goal is to stop using exercise as the reason for overeating. Instead of saying, “I 

I stopped rehearsing the old grievances. I started imagining what it would feel like to be

worked out, so I can eat this whole pizza,” try saying, “I’m going to enjoy a slice be-cause I want it, not 

at peace with this person. Slowly, something in me shifted. The next time we spoke, some-

because I earned it.” That keeps you in control. It also helps you build a healthier relationship with both 

thing was different, not in my words, but in my presence. It wasn't overnight. But it was

food and exercise. 

the beginning of something I had once stopped letting myself want.
I caught myself sliding back into the old story more than once. When I did, I'd tell myself:

Here’s a simple test you can use after a workout. Ask yourself, “Would I still eat this if I didn’t exercise 

Don't pick that back up. 

today?” If the answer is yes, then go ahead and enjoy it in a reasonable amount. If the answer is no, then 

Even If They Don't Change 
it might just be the reward trap talking. That quick pause can help you make a better choice without 

Here's the liberation in this practice: even if the other person never shifts, you are changed 
feeling deprived. 

by the vision you hold. You become someone who loves more boldly. You experience 
more peace, not as a reward for their transformation, but as the result of inner peace.
In a world that says ‘don’t get your hopes up,’ I want to offer a different invitation: dare

Exercise is powerful. It helps your body in many ways, including strength, energy, mood, and overall 

to want more. Hold the highest vision of the people in your life. And see what happens

health. But it doesn’t give you a free pass to eat without thinking. When you match your eating to your 

Lori A. Harris is an Integrative Change Coach and Life Mastery Consultant. This column,

activity, good things start to happen. You feel better, you see progress, and your workouts begin to pay 

Unlock Your Life, appears weekly in Mountain Views News. If this column stirred 

off. So the next time you finish a workout, take a moment before you reach for food. Instead of asking, 

something in you about a relationship you’ve stopped believing in, that matters. It’s time

“What did I earn?” ask, “What does my body need?” That one question can change everything. 

you listened. You can learn more about working with Lori at loriaharris.com. 

Michele Silence, M.A. is a certified fitness professional who offers semi-private/virtual fitness 
classes. Contact Michele at michele@kid-fit.com. Visit her Facebook page at: michelesfitness 

ALL THINGS by Jeff Brown 

MARRIAGE OR COHABITATION? 

Marriage is a formal and legally recognizedrelationship. Many people see it as a 
symbol of lifelong commitment, trust,
and responsibility. Married couples oftenfeel a stronger sense of security becausetheir relationship is officially accepted bysociety, religion, and the law. Marriage can personal growth, or financial stabilityprovide emotional stability and encourage before considering marriage.
couples to work through difficulties 

Despite these advantages, living together

together. It also offers legal and financial 

may not provide the same level of stability

benefits, such as inheritance rights, tax

advantages, medical decision-making or security as marriage. One partnermay feel uncertain about the future if

authority, and protection for children. 

there is no official commitment. In some

Another advantage of marriage is the sense 
of permanence it may create. Couples may countries or communities, unmarried 

couples may not receive the same legal

feel more dedicated to supporting each 

rights and protections as married couples.

other during difficult times because they 

Families with traditional beliefs may also

have made a public commitment. Marriage 

disapprove of cohabitation.

can also strengthen family relationships 

UNLOCK YOUR LIFE 

WHAT ARE YOU HOLDING IN 
YOUR MIND ABOUT THEM? 


and increase social respect, especially in 

In conclusion, both marriage and living

traditional societies where marriage is 

together have benefits and disadvantages.

highly valued. 
Marriage offers legal security, social

However, marriage also has challenges. It 

recognition, and long-term commitment,

requires patience, sacrifice, and constant 

while living together provides flexibility

communication. Some couples feel 

and independence. The best choice

pressured by the responsibilities and 

depends on the couple’s understanding,

expectations that come with marriage. 

trust, and shared goals. A successful

If the relationship becomes unhealthy 

relationship is built not only on legal

or unhappy, divorce can be emotionally 

status but also on love, honesty, respect,

painful, financially expensive, and legally 

and responsibility. Whether married or

complicated. Some people also believe that 

living together, true happiness comes

marriage may reduce personal freedom 

from mutual care, commitment and most

because major decisions often require 

importantly, liking each other.

compromise and shared responsibility.
Living together without marriage, often Research indicates that marriage generallycalled cohabitation, is another option correlates with longer relationship stabilitythat has become increasingly common compared to cohabitation. According to ain modern society. Many couples choose 2022 report from the National Center for 
this arrangement because it gives them the Family & Marriage Research, about 50% 
chance to understand each other better of cohabiting relationships end withinbefore making a permanent commitment. five years, while approximately 60% of 
Living together can provide flexibility and marriages last a decade or more.
independence while still allowing partners 

This difference may be attributed to

to share daily life, expenses, and emotional 

the societal expectations and legal

support. Couples may feel less pressure 

commitments associated with marriage,

because they are not legally bound to each 

which often encourage couples to navigate

other. This arrangement may also allow 

challenges together rather than opt for

individuals to focus more on career goals, 

separation. 


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