Mountain Views News          Saturday, January 14, 2012

12

OPINION

 Mountain Views News Saturday, January 14, 2012 


RICH Johnson

Mountain 
Views

News

PUBLISHER/ EDITOR

Susan Henderson

CITY EDITOR

Dean Lee 

EAST VALLEY EDITOR

Joan Schmidt

SALES

Patricia Colonello

626-355-2737 

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PRODUCTION 

Richard Garcia

PHOTOGRAPHY

Lina Johnson

Ivonne Durant

WEBMASTER

John Aveny 

CONTRIBUTORS

Jeff Brown

Pat Birdsall

Chris Leclerc

Bob Eklund

Howard Hays

Paul Carpenter

Stuart Tolchin

Kim Clymer-Kelley

Christopher Nyerges

Peter Dills 

Hail Hamilton 

Rich Johnson

Chris Bertrand

Ron Carter

Rev. James Snyder

Bobby Eldridge

Mary Carney

La Quetta Shamblee

Katie Hopkins

Deanne Davis

Despina Arouzman

Greg Wellborn

Dr. John Talevich

Meaghan Allen

Sean Kayden

HAIL Hamilton My Turn

ARE YOU IN? 

This is how a bailout 
(any bailout) works!


Where has life taken you 
over the years? Motivated 
by friends, I traveled to and 
looked in Ward to see if I’ve 
been there before. You have 
to be alone to be in Ward. 
Unlike Cahoots. I’m not in 
Cahoots often because you can’t go there alone. 
You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I’ve don’t remember ever being in Cognito. 
They say Cognito is a lonely place as nobody 
recognizes you when you’re in Cognito. I have, 
however, been in Sane. As I recall, you can’t fly 
there, you must be driven there. Most people 
are in Sane thanks to friends, family and co-
workers.

Lately, I admit I’ve been in Doubt. That, like 
Cognito, is a sad place to go and I try not to be in 
Doubt often. People have accused me of being in 
Flexible but, honest, I’ve never been in Flexible. I 
stand firm on that.

More and more I find myself in Capable, 
especially now that I’m getting older. One of 
my favorite places to be is in Suspense, The last 
time I was in Suspense was when my daughter 
was born. When I’m in Suspense, my adrenalin 
starts flowing and pumps up the old ticker. And 
I need all the stimuli I can get.

One place I don’t ever want to be is in 
Continent. I’ll do whatever I have to do to stay 
away from Continent. 

Hopefully we all weathered Friday the 13th. 
In the Gregorian calendar (the one we use) 
Friday the 13th occurs at least once, but no more 
than three times a year. If the month starts on a 
Sunday, the 13th day will fall on a Friday. 

There are several theories as to why Friday 
the 13th is a unlucky day. In numerology, the 
number twelve is the number of completeness. 
12 months of the year, 12 hours on the clock, 12 
tribes of Israel, 12 apostles of Jesus. The number 
13 was considered irregular. In fact, Norse legend 
had it if there were 13 people seated at a table it 
will result in the death of one of the diners. It 
was certainly true at the Last Supper. There are 
apparently 17 to 21 million people affected by a 
fear of Friday the 13th. Some don’t get out of 
bed and, of course, many won’t get on a plane. 
The airlines estimate that $800-900 million 
is lost in business on Friday the 13th. So you 
can prepare I’ve listed, as a public service, this 
phenomenon over the next few years. In 2012 
we will experience Friday the 13th in January, 
April and July. In 2013 beware in September and 
December. You can relax in 2014 as only June 
will have a Friday the 13th. We’re back to three 
of them in 2015 taking place in February, March 
and November. Finally in 2016 only May will we 
have to suffer with this unlucky day. 

Of course all this is dependent on the outcome 
of 2012. If the Mayans are accurate and the world 
ends this year I, for one, am not going to worry 
about 2013 and beyond. So, I wouldn’t worry if I 
were you. Be well.

I watched with amusement at the threat of 
default by Greece on its international loans 
and the likelihood of another gigantic multinational 
bailout. I said I was amused because a 
bailout (any bailout) is such a sham. 

Here’s my explanation of how a bailout 
works. It may be short on deep economic theory, but it is true 
nonetheless.

It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down 
and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, 
and everybody lives on credit. Sound familiar?

On this particular day a rich American tourist is driving through 
the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a crisp new Ben Franklin 
($100 bill) on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect 
the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night. 

The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has 
walked upstairs, grabs the $100 bill and runs next door to pay his 
debt to the village butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 bill and runs down the street to repay 
his debt to the local pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the $100 bill and heads off to pay his feed 
and fuel bill at the Farmer’s Co-op.

The guy at the Farmer’s Co-op takes the $100 bill and runs to pay 
his bar tab at the local tavern.

The bar tender slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking 
at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to 
offer him her “services” on credit.

The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to 
the hotel owner with the $100 bill.

The hotel owner then places the $100 bill back on the counter so 
the rich traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down stairs, picks up the $100 
bill, states the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and 
leaves town.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, 
the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a 
lot more optimism. 

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how a bailout works!

OUT TO PASTOR A Weekly Religion Column


SOME AMAZING WORDS FOR THE NEW YEAR

By Rev. James L. Snyder

Every year someabody, 
who does not really have a 
life, comes up with words 
that should not be used 
during the New Year. I am 
not sure where this started 
but it just goes to show that 
there are a whole lot of 
people who do not have much to do. 

Topping the list this year of words not to be 
used is the word “amazing.” Allegedly [which 
I think is one word that should not be used 
this year], 1500 people voted to ban the word 
“amazing.” 

I think it is rather amazing that out of the 
312,867,000 people living in the United States, 
1500 people tell us what not to say. Who are these 
1500 people? What do they have against the word 
“amazing?” Have they ever seen anything that 
was actually amazing? 

Of all the words I would like to see canceled 
during this year, “amazing” is not one of them. 

A few words have come to my attention that 
I would like to eliminate for the coming year. I 
know I am only one person, but by Jehoshaphat, I 
am going to have my say. 

The first word I would like to see banned 
would be, “caucus.” I have no idea what this word 
means. Sure, I can look it up in the dictionary and 
find out what it is supposed to mean, but when 
used in the political arena, I am all confused. It 
would surprise me if some of the commentators 
that use the word knew exactly what it means. 
After all, it takes all their concentration to read 
the teleprompter. 

Yet, this word is employed in the process of 
determining who will be the nominee for the 
political office of President of the United States. 
I think it is interesting that in order to get to the 
White House every politician needs to start with 
a Native American caucus. Of all objecting in 
using this word, the Native Americans should be 
the loudest. 

Another word I would like to see banned 
for the year is the word “polling.” It seems no 
politician can do anything without first doing 
some polling. They will spend millions of dollars 
doing this polling. I would not mind so much if 
they did not call me on the telephone and waste 
my time. If everybody whom they call on the 
telephone in their polling was as sarcastic as I am, 
I do not put any faith in their polling at all. Mr. 
Politician, call me at your peril! 

Contemporary politicians would not know 
what day of the week it was, if it were not for the 
latest poll. Even though the Creator gave each 
politician two legs to stand on, they are always 
switching from one leg to the next. Now I know 
why a politician has a left foot and a right foot. 

The only natural thing that lives by polls is a 
polecat. There may be some resemblance here. 

The word “earmarks” is another one I would 
like to see banned for this coming year. A 
politician without his or her earmarks is like a 
skunk without his stink. If you take a skunk, you 
are going to have to put up with his stink. 

I guess the politician needs to do something 
with his or her ears, for they certainly are 
not employed in hearing anything from their 
constituents. If a politician insists on earmarks, I 
think we ought to do some marking of their ears. 

When I was a youngster in school, my teachers 
found a wonderful use for my ears. Whenever 
they wanted me to do something, they would 
grab me by the ears and jerk me into the right 
direction. Where is one of those teachers when 
you really need her? I would like to help them 
with their ear jerking operation. I know. Let’s call 
it the Ear Jerking Operation (EJO). 

One final word I would like to see obliterated is 
the word “party.” Especially when associated with 
something political. Let’s face it. The political 
world is just one great big party after another, 
usually, at someone else’s expense. If I could go 
to a party with somebody else sponsoring it and 
paying for it, I guess I would go to. 

Whenever somebody asks me which political 
party I belong to I usually respond by saying, 
“The birthday party.” At a birthday party, at 
least you get to eat cake and sometimes in the 
excitement get a little bit on your face. At political 
parties, everybody is eating their own words and 
ending up with egg on their face. 

If are going to have a party, let’s make it a 
birthday party where everybody is invited and 
everybody gets a slice of cake. Make that two 
slices of cake. 

I suppose there would be a whole lot of other 
words I could add to my list but there is one word 
I am not going to ban and that is God’s Word. 
There is nothing more amazing to me than 
the relevance of God’s word in my life today. 
One word I love is, “Trust in the LORD with 
all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own 
understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, 
and he shall direct thy paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

I am quite content to allow God have the last 
word in my life. I have found it to be amazingly 
true. 

The Rev. James L. Snyder is pastor of the Family 
of God Fellowship, PO Box 831313, Ocala, FL 
34483. He lives with his wife, Martha, in Silver 
Springs Shores. Call him at 352-687-4240 or 
e-mail jamessnyder2@att.net. The church web site 
is www.whatafellowship.com.

STUART Tolchin......On LIFE 


THE DEVALUATION 

OF MEN

I spend a lot of time on the Driving Range, 
alone, just hitting golf balls. Most of the time 
I don’t talk to anyone and there is no way 
to keep score. I’ve been playing for twenty 
years and I don’t get any better. Religiously 
I watch golf videos and go out and practice 
what I watch even though deep-down inside I know it isn’t going 
to help. Understand that every time I play with a friend or even 
groups of strangers, I am inevitably the worst player in the field. 
Honestly, I don’t think I have ever defeated anybody and really 
I am not a person who enjoys losing. Yet every day I can hardly 
wait to get out to the golf course and either play or just hit balls.

I think the answer has something to do with being a man, 
and that men typically live in a kind of dream world. Last week 
I wrote an article about loneliness and one of the responses I 
received enlightened me to the fact that I wasn’t really writing 
about loneliness, but was in fact addressing the subject of the 
devaluation of men. It is just one symptom of the fact that men, 
particularly white men, are no longer able to dominate society. 
Together with the loss of the number of male-only jobs and the 
increasing number of working women now able to replace them, 
employers have hired women who are better suited to their jobs 
because they are loyal employees, better at collaborating, willing 
to accept lower wages, possessing no criminal records, and are 
inevitably less aggressive and violent. As I pointed out in my 
article, men are also not worth much at home. They can’t, or 
won’t, take care of the kids and are unwilling or unable, to do the 
housework. Still, unemployed or not, they expect their wives to 
cater to their needs.

Really, I don’t mean to be revealing any secrets but, around 
Sierra Madre at least, there are a very surprising number of 
domestic partnerships composed of formerly married women who 
now seem to be living happily within an all-female relationship. 
In my hand I now hold a book entitled, “Are Men Necessary?” 
The book is by the New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd, 
who quotes a neuropsychiatrist as follows: “Think of a man as 
carrying a quiverful of arrows. When he spies a target, he lets fly 
with the whole caboodle. Most of his arrows will miss the bull’s-
eye, but one is likely to hit. And that’s the one he will remember 
- and applaud. A woman, though, proceeds slowly and considers 
carefully. Only when she’s pretty sure she has a perfect shot does 
she send off a single arrow.”

Men are dreamers and women are doers. No wonder I so rarely 
see any women on the practice range. I am out there alone, or 
along with a bunch of solitary non-conversing men, living in our 
private dream-worlds. We remember our one or two good shots 
which keep us coming to the course. I rarely even hit the one 
good shot, but my dream of hitting one is enough to keep me 
hitting. This would be all well and good except that our whole 
society is falling apart. Thirty years ago I theorized that men 
were necessary because they performed three valuable functions: 
1) They have good senses of direction and are willing fetchers. 2) 
The body structure of men equips them to lift heavy things and 
reach high-places. 3) They are necessary reproductive partners 
and act as a kind of swizzle-stick mixing up the gene the pool and 
allowing evolution to proceed along its merry way.

Well modern technology has made most of these functions 
unnecessary. Global Position Systems (GPS) have made penis-
bearing fetchers unnecessary, while soon to be perfected cloning 
will soon make the presence of men as necessary biological 
partners a potential historical oddity and evolution of the 
specie may well stop its glacial march.. Sure men are cute, but 
undeniably, they are large wasteful consumers who are frequently 
aggressive and more trouble than they are worth. It is doubtful 
that the male gender’s height and strength will be a sufficient 
reason to keep it hanging around. Alas, men are, or soon will 
become, superfluous.

All right; I agree it would be a shame to completely lose Men. 
But if they are going to be kept around Men must be removed 
from their permanent adolescent dream-worlds and must learn to 
be more open about their feelings and act in a committed way as 
employees and parents and partners. The day of the sole economic 
provider, responsible and therefore dominant in the family are 
over. Depending on your point of view, it was fun while it lasted, 
but change is necessary. Really’ dogs and cats are appropriate as 
pets - Men are not. 

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