Mountain Views News          Saturday, May 5, 2012

15

OPINION

 Mountain Views News Saturday, May 5, 2012

HAIL Hamilton My Turn

STUART Tolchin..........On LIFE

Mountain 
Views

News

PUBLISHER/ EDITOR

Susan Henderson

CITY EDITOR

Dean Lee 

EAST VALLEY EDITOR

Joan Schmidt

SALES

Patricia Colonello

626-355-2737 

626-818-2698

PRODUCTION 

Richard Garcia

PHOTOGRAPHY

Lina Johnson

Ivonne Durant

WEBMASTER

John Aveny 

CONTRIBUTORS

Jeff Brown

Pat Birdsall

Chris Leclerc

Bob Eklund

Howard Hays

Paul Carpenter

Stuart Tolchin

Kim Clymer-Kelley

Christopher Nyerges

Peter Dills 

Hail Hamilton 

Rich Johnson

Chris Bertrand

Ron Carter

Rev. James Snyder

Bobby Eldridge

Mary Carney

La Quetta Shamblee

Katie Hopkins

Deanne Davis

Despina Arouzman

Greg Wellborn

Dr. John Talevich

Meaghan Allen

Sean Kayden


Church Ladies With Computers

 They’re Back! Those wonderful Church 
Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies 
with desktops and laptops. These sentences 
(with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared 
in church bulletins or were announced in 
church services. A friend sent this to me last 
Saturday. Since we have so many churches in 
Sierra Madre and so many ladies spreading 
the Word in town I thought you would get a chuckle out of this:

 The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

 The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon 
tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’ 

 Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid 
of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your 
husbands. 

 Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. 
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who 
doesn’t care much about you. 

 Don’t let worry kill you off - let the Church help. 

 Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving 
obvious pleasure to the congregation.

 For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a 
nursery downstairs.

 Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all 
the help they can get.

 Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 
in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 

 At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is 
Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice. 

 

 Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition 
of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. 

 Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be 
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 

 Please place your donation in the envelope along with the 
deceased person you want remembered. 

 The church will host an evening of fine dining, super 
entertainment and gracious hostility. 

 Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to 
follow.

 The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. 
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 

 This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park 
across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 

 Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. 
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. 
is done. 

 The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation 
would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next 
Sunday.

 Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. 
Please use the back door. 

 The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in 
the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited 
to attend this tragedy.

 Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian 
Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. 

 Perhaps there’s a lesson to be learned from all this. You can 
never be too careful about making sure what you say is what you 
really mean. Once it’s out there you can’t take it back! 


NO, WE DIDN’T GET A PICTURE

 Okay, I already answered your question. That was the first thing my daughter 
asked when my wife called her. “No “, my wife answered. Your father was so busy 
yelling at me I couldn’t think straight.” Actually, she got one picture but it only 
shows his shadow against the wall and you can’t really tell it’s a good-sized bear.

 Yep, that’s right! A BEAR, a pretty good-sized brown bear, somehow got into 
our house through the doggie-door in back and was running around downstairs 
eating our dog’s food. Yes, of course the dog, let’s call him Milo, was upset and was 
barking like mad. Of course I wasn’t paying very close attention to Milo’s barking as I was engrossed 
in the Oklahoma City Dallas NBA Playoff game. It was the crucial last second moments and although 
I wasn’t really rooting for either team I was still very engrossed because Derek Fisher, the ex-Laker 
and a particular favorite of mine, was in the game and had sunk a crucial jumper for Oklahoma City. 
Meanwhile the live Angel games and Dodger games were playing on different channels and I was 
trying to watch all 3 games at once. I was very occupied and the dog was going nuts and my wife was 
keeping him locked up in the bedroom and opening the bedroom door a tiny bit and looking down 
the stairs.

 I couldn’t help noticing as she opened the door and ran out on to the landing for a second and then 
ran back into the bedroom and slammed the door closed. Exasperated I finally looked away from the 
TV and addressed a question to her.

 “What’s going on?”, I said with some annoyance.

 “There’s a giant bear in the house and I’ve got to get a picture.”

 “What…where…when…how?” I said, not necessarily in that order. “Get away from that door.”

 Honest to God, she kept creeping out of the bedroom, camera-phone in hand, trying to get a 
picture of the bear.

 Okay, I admit it. I too kind of snuck to the edge of the stairs to take a look and thought I saw a 
giant bear poking his nose up the stairs. I think he had the tupper-ware canister with the dog food in 
it in his mouth but I didn’t look too closely because I was petrified. I don’t know why my wife wasn’t 
afraid but she wasn’t. She had turned into an anthropologist-photographer and I screamed at her to 
get back into the bedroom and close the door and to tell Milo to stop barking

 I then did what any brave experienced canyon dweller would do in such a situation. I called 911 
and almost immediately got a response. The operator who was named Mary was great and supportive 
except for one thing. She kept laughing and saying, “are you sure there’s a bear in your house?” 
How did he get in—what’s he doing—how big is he? Questions, questions and I began to feel 
embarrassed. What happens if I was wrong and there really wasn’t a bear in the house?. At this point 
I cleverly switched to the hand-held phone and opened the door and walked down a step and there 
right downstairs, there he or she was a LARGE BEAR IN THE HOUSE.

 “Yes Mary”, I said. “There’s definitely a bear downstairs in our living room.” Mary was very helpful 
and said she was sending the police right over. She already knew our address without me telling 
her which was pretty scary. Soon three police cars with giant policemen appeared. One carried a 
menacing looking gun and they came into the house and went downstairs. “Yes, he’s here” they 
said. 

 “Don’t hurt him”, I said, which somehow sounded ridiculous. I heard a bunch of sounds which 
I really couldn’t interpret. The policemen went back to from of the house and while I stayed up on 
the upstairs balcony they explained they had to shoot him in the forehead with some sort of pepper-
spray bean bag thing. He had been hit in the forehead and fled through the doggie-door and had 
gone down the hill. They suggested that we close the doggie-door but they did not expect the bear 
to return.

 I’m still coughing from the fumes left by the pepper-spray but I’m sure the fumes will dissipate in 
a bit. The bear, I guess did pee all over the wooden floor and he did mess with the trash and maybe 
did some other stuff. What I learned should not have come as a big surprise. I ain’t no hero but next 
time I think I’ll be more ready and will have a camera handy.

 You know this newspaper has a police blotter and I am eager to learn whether or not this incident 
will make the paper. If I can read about it maybe it will confirm my own existence and I will stop 
watching other people play games and instead go out and have my own adventures. Nope, now that 
I think about it that was enough adventure for this year and tomorrow the Lakers and Clippers will 
play, my teams! Really, that’s enough excitement for me.

 Oh, oh. My wife just said he’s back. 

Mountain Views News 
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a newspaper of General 
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Case number GS004724: 
for the City of Sierra 
Madre; in Court Case 
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Madre, California, 91024. 
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OUT TO PASTOR A Weekly Religion Column 
by Rev. James Snyder


KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT — JUST A PLAIN 
CUP OF COFFEE, PLEASE!


RICH Johnson

BIG LOSERS 

 

 It may be an exaggeration to 
say that everyone is struggling 
in this economy. But it’s not an 
over exaggeration. Times are 
tough for most all of us. There 
are stretches in all of our lives, 
seasons of good times, and seasons of not so good times. 
The folk rock band, the Byrds borrowed words out of the 
Bible (Ecclesiastes 3:1) to tell us “To everything there is a 
season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” 

 I want to encourage you as well as myself during these 
turbulent seasons. I thought maybe the best way to spur us 
all on is by sharing select turbulent episodes of financial 
hardship experienced by people we consider successful. 
You may be surprised at what you read.

 Famous entertainers who have filed for bankruptcy 
protection include (year of bankruptcy in quotes), Willie 
Nelson (1990), Elton John (2002), Tom Petty (1979), talk 
show host Larry King (1971 & 1978), and Burt Reynolds 
(1996).

 Presidents Abraham Lincoln (1833), Thomas Jefferson 
(several times), Ulysses S. Grant (1884), and presidential 
wannabe George McGovern (1993) all faced bankruptcy.
Remember Dutch painter Rembrandt (1656), Mark Twain 
(1884), Henry Ford (1903), and Walt Disney (1921), while 
you are at it. Food multi-millionaires Milton Snavely 
Hershey (1880), and Henry John Heinz (1875). L. Frank 
Baum, author of “the Wizard of Oz”, filed for bankruptcy 
in 1911. 

 Donald Trump and companies have sought Chapter 
11 protection four times (1991, 1992, 2004 and in 2009). 
Director Francis Ford Coppola (1990).

 A common thread connects most, if not all those famous 
people listed above. That thread? They were, and some still 
are, doers, achievers. In fact, I ran the word “achiever” 
through the Thesaurus and guess what synonym popped 
up? “Risk-taker.” To accomplish anything significant you 
must be willing to take risks.

 Am I suggesting we all go out and file bankruptcy? No, 
not at all. Just use the energy you have to invest in your 
future not lament about your past and present. Many, like 
Henry Ford and Walt Disney, went bankrupt before they 
achieved greatness. They just kept on slugging. So, let’s 
keep on slugging.

 May I recommend an hour diversion from the slug this 
Saturday, May 12th? It will be the last performance of “The 
Sorcerer’s Apprentice” at the Sierra Madre Playhouse. Yes, 
it is geared for children, but you adults will find it funny 
and uplifting. I have seen it several times and watching 
the young children interact with the cast during the 
performance is heartwarming.

 

 Saturday, May 12th, 11:00 am at the Sierra Madre 
Playhouse, 87 W. Sierra Madre Blvd. Call (626) 355-4318 
for reservations $18 for adults and $12 for kids 12 and 
under. And like you, I am a paying customer.

Through the years, I have 
discovered two important 
facets of husbandship that 
has stood me in good stead 
for many years: a vigorous 
nod of the head and a rhapsodic “Yes, dear.” 
Flowers don’t hurt either.

When our recent visit in Ohio concluded, we 
headed for the airport. I do not mind traveling, 
but my least favorite mode is the airplane. The 
reason being, of course, is the airport itself.

In my opinion, someone devised the modern 
airport to intimidate the average traveler. Arriving 
at the airport, we immediately headed for the 
ticket counter where we received our boarding 
passes. Then we surrendered our luggage to the 
personnel behind the counter, not knowing if we 
would ever see that same luggage again in our 
lifetime. 

Someday I hope to visit all the places my luggage 
has seen. 

Next, we made our way through the security 
booth. 

As you know, they do not permit metal through 
this gate. If a passenger passes through and a 
buzzer goes off, he is summoned back for guards 
to examine his personal effects to detect the offensive 
object. I went through about 17 times. 
Not until I got down to my underwear did the 
security personnel determine there must be a 
defect in the radar detection equipment. (I plan 
to file my briefs in a Florida court this week.)

Finally, we left the security area and I started 
feeling a little more confident until we came to a 
big sign over the entryway. My wife and I found 
little comfort in the words written: Terminal Entrance. 
Contrary to their “friendly” little sign, I 
did, in fact have plans of returning. 

Our flight plan called for a two-hour stopover 
before arriving at our final destination. Nothing 
quite compares to spending a free hour or two at 
an airport. Did I say “free?” Allow me to recount 
that opinion.

There is absolutely nothing free at an airport. I 
cannot prove it, but I am sure they have figured 
out a way to charge for the air we breathe. 

For instance, a 15-cent cup of coffee can cost in 
the neighborhood of $17.95. I don’t even like visiting 
that neighborhood. If I lived there, I would 
move. 

However, being the good natured, charming 
individual that I am, it does not take much to 
make me happy. All I need to allay any stress is a 
simple cup of coffee. Have you ever noticed how 
things seem to go a lot easier with a steaming 
jolt of java? 

 With a full hour to spare at the airport, my wife 
and I looked for something to occupy our time. 
Then I espied the perfect diversion. With a mischievous 
twinkle in my left eye, I looked at my 
wife and said, “Let’s get a cup of coffee and relax 
a while.”

One thing I can always count on my wife, she 
knows a good thing when she hears it. Unfortunately, 
she does not hear it too often from my 
lips. Walking over to the coffee shop and, being 
the man, I approached the counter to place our 
order. “I would like two regular coffees,” I said 
with anticipation to the young woman behind 
the counter. The thing that makes a man a man 
is that he always knows what he wants. It is that 
confidence that separates the men from the boys. 

The young woman looked at me, snapped 
her chewing gum several times and said in a 
monotone, “Marvelous, you want espresso or 
cappuccino?”

“No, Miss,” I replied as cool and sophisticated as 
any gentleman you will ever meet. “No, Miss. We 
just want two plain coffees.”

She looked at me as only a waitress behind a 
counter can and rattled off names I have never 
heard before. As best I could understand, they 
were flavors or kinds of espresso coffee. 

 Finally, when she took a breath I jumped in and 
said with all the confidence I could muster without 
compromising my good nature, “No, Miss. 
I don’t want any espresso, just a regular cup of 
coffee.”

“Exactly,” she said with a falsetto smile. “Most 
people enjoy our cappuccinos. What kind of 
cappuccino would you like.” Then she rattled off 
an endless list of cappuccino flavors, most I had 
never heard of before.

About this time, the caffeine deficiency began 
seeping into my attitude. I think that somewhere 
in our constitution is the right to order regular 
coffee at a price that does not compromise the 
mortgage on my home.

 “Young lady,” I said as calmly as possible under 
the circumstances, “listen to me very carefully. I 
want coffee. Not espresso. Not cappuccino. Just 
two cups of plain, regular, good old American 
coffee.”

“Oh,” she said in a burst of enlightenment. “You 
want coffee. Why didn’t you say so in the first 
place?”

There is no satisfaction more fulfilling than finally 
getting through and arriving at a common 
understanding.

“Now,” she said in a confidential tone, “what flavor 
coffee do you want? Columbian, French Vanilla, 
Cinnamon, Chocolate Mint, Swiss Mocha 
. . .”

There is only one place I know where I can get 
exactly what I need. Jesus put it this way; “And 
whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I 
do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 
If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it” 
(John 14:13-14 KJV). 

If you need anything from the Lord, just ask. 

The Rev. James L. Snyder is pastor of the Family 
of God Fellowship, PO Box 831313, Ocala, FL 
34483. He lives with his wife, Martha, in Silver 
Springs Shores. Call him at 352-687-4240 or e-
mail jamessnyder2@att.net. The church web site 
is www.whatafellowship.com.

Mountain Views News

Mission Statement

The traditions of the 
community newspaper 
and the concerns of 
our readers are this 
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the magnificence of 
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