Mountain Views News, Combined Edition Saturday, December 17, 2022

Mountain Views-News Saturday, December 17, 2022 OPINIONOPINION 13 
Mountain Views-News Saturday, December 17, 2022 OPINIONOPINION 13 
MOUNTAIN 

VIEWS 

NEWS 

PUBLISHER/ EDITOR

Susan Henderson 

PASADENA CITY 
EDITOR 

Dean Lee 

PRODUCTION 

SALES 

Patricia Colonello 
626-355-2737 
626-818-2698 

WEBMASTER 

John Aveny 

DISTRIBUTION 

Peter Lamendola 

CONTRIBUTORS 

Stuart Tolchin 
Audrey SwansonMeghan MalooleyMary Lou CaldwellKevin McGuire 
Chris Leclerc 
Dinah Chong WatkinsHoward HaysPaul CarpenterKim Clymer-KelleyChristopher NyergesPeter Dills 
Rich Johnson 
Lori Ann Harris 
Rev. James SnyderKatie HopkinsDeanne Davis 
Despina ArouzmanJeff Brown 
Marc Garlett 
Keely TotenDan Golden 
Rebecca WrightHail Hamilton 
Joan Schmidt 
LaQuetta Shamblee 

Mountain Views News 
has been adjudicated asa newspaper of GeneralCirculation for the County 
of Los Angeles in CourtCase number GS004724: 
for the City of SierraMadre; in Court CaseGS005940 and for the 
City of Monrovia in CourtCase No. GS006989 and 
is published every Saturday 
at 80 W. Sierra MadreBlvd., No. 327, Sierra 
Madre, California, 91024.
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Views News and maybe published in part or 
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of the Mountain Views 
News. 

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Mountain Views News 
80 W. Sierra Madre Bl. 
#327 
Sierra Madre, Ca.
91024 

Phone: 626-355-2737 

Fax: 626-609-3285 

email: 

mtnviewsnews@aol.com 


A member 
of the 
California 
NewspaperPublishers 
Association 

Mountain Views News 

Mission Statement 

The traditions of 

community news


papers and the 

concerns of our readers 


are this newspaper’s 
top priorities. We 
support a prosperous

community of well-
informed citizens. We 


hold in high regard the 

valuesoftheexceptional

quality of life in our 

community, includingthe magnificence of 
our natural resources. 


Integrity will be our guide. 

PUT THE LIGHTS ON

STUART TOLCHIN 


A VERY FORTUNATE MAN 

This week 

I noticed that I 

have reached an 

age a bit beyond 

the average life 

expectancy of 

white Ameri


can males born 

in the United 

States. Ameri


can women have 

a life expectancy 
of about 5.7 years higher but still I’m 
doing pretty well. I’m slowing down a little 
but my wife is very considerate and fortunately 
for me, to meet her expectations I have 
to rise above only a low bar. Sometimes her 
low expectations of me cause me some problems. 
Today I awoke worrying about what 
present to give her for Christmas. Internally 
my mind made its usual excuses. Buying 
presents really amounts to spending money 
to purchase stuff for someone else that they 
probably don’t need and generally don’t want. 
If my wife wanted something she is perfectly 
able to buy it for herself in the way she buys 
presents for others including me. I know that 
her family loved to celebrate holidays by buying 
and receiving presents and for them, it is 
a joy not a burden.

My family, for reasons sort of unclear 
to me, never followed such a practice. Certainly 
foods and clothing and other necessities 
were purchased by my mother but this 
was all done outside of my presence. The only 
time I can remember going to a clothing store 
with my mother, (it was Robert Hall in North 
Hollywood), was to purchase a sports jacket 
prior to my Junior High School graduation. I 
remember getting nauseous in the store and 
fleeing. A brown Sports jacket came home 
with us and I wore it at the graduation. At 
that time I can recall worrying whether it was 
appropriate as other students compared the 
labels of their coats differentiating the quality 
of one coat from the other.

To this day I am generally unconcerned 
about the way I look and am annoyed 
when I am reminded how sloppy I appear 
because there are spots on my clothing or 
food spots on my face. Why does anyone else 
care---but they do. This brings me back to 
the question of presents. My long-suffering 
tolerant wife with her low expectations of 
me deserves a Christmas present. She always 
buys presents for the whole family and asks 
me to at least sign the cards which I grudgingly 
do. When we are thanked for the presents 
at later dates I rarely remember the gifts 
my wife picked out.

This is all humiliating! Soon I will 
be eighty or at least seventy-nine and if I am 
going to change “no time is like the present”. 
That was one of my mother’s favorite sentences. 
She was always doing things and buying 

DINAH CHONG WATKINS 


CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE WRONG KIND 
THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS 

A Christmas ode to the good folks of Sierra 
Madre and the Foothill communities 

On the first day of Christmas my trash 
bin lured to me 
A black bear in a palm tree 

On the second day of Christmas my 
trash bin lured to me 
Two shabby dogsAnd a black bear in a palm tree 

On the third day of Christmas my trash 
bin lured to me 
Three porch pirates 
Two shabby dogs 
And a black bear in a palm tree 

On the fourth day of Christmas my trash 
bin lured to me 
Four Taylor's steaksThree porch pirates 
Two shabby dogs 
And a black bear in a palm tree 

On the fifth day of Christmas my trash 
bin lured to me 
Five wisterias 
Four Taylor's steaksThree porch pirates 
Two shabby dogs 
And a black bear in a palm tree 

On the sixth day of Christmas my trash 
bin lured to me 
Six Beantown burgers 
Five wisterias 
Four Taylor's steaksThree porch pirates 
Two shabby dogs 
And a black bear in a palm tree 

On the seventh day of Christmas my 
trash bin lured to me 
Seven first respondersSix Beantown burgers 
Five wisterias 
Four Taylor's steaksThree porch pirates 
Two shabby dogs 
And a black bear in a palm tree 

On the eighth day of Christmas my trash 
bin lured to me 
Eight Bucs a-drinkingSeven first respondersSix Beantown burgers 

presents especially for her mother. Now that 
I think of it, she continued to buy presents,
dresses, for her mother even after her mother 
passed away. I am beginning to understand. 
My mother took great pleasure in doing 
things for others and buying and giving presents. 
Boy, was she selfish. She wanted to keep 
all that pleasure of shopping and buying and 
giving for herself. All that she ever asked of 
me was that I not rip my pants. (I’m kidding, 
you know)

I fear that I have given you a completely 
wrong picture of who I am or who 
I take myself to be. Recently, I was talking 
with a friend who complained about her 
grandchild’s reluctance to clean her room. 
She asked if I was any good at cleaning my 
room and I explained that growing up I 
never had a room or shared one with anyone 
else. I slept on the living room floor, never 
picked out or had much interest in my own 
clothes and certainly never prepared a meal 
or turned on the gas range or the oven. There 
was no microwave in those years. Let’s not 
be too dramatic; I did frequently open the 
pantry doors looking for ready-made snacks 
but I was never very good (and still am not) at 
opening packages. I, furthermore admit, that 
I was never instructed as to the proper use of 
knives and forks and still am not very good at 
it. 

Now I have really depressed myself 
and almost want to go look in the mirror, 
which I rarely do, to try and assure myself 
that I am a worthwhile person. Really I know 
I don’t have to do that. I was a good son who 
had no domestic responsibilities but was expected 
to be up at 5:30 in the morning to assist 
my father in our truck with early morningdeliveries and then after-school fill the orders 
with merchandise from the wholesaler that 
we had picked up earlier. My mother took the 
orders from customers over the phone during 
the day and we survived. As my father 
gradually lost his vision he and I tried to keepit secret from the rest of the family and I did a 
lot of the driving and transported him to the 
eye doctor. I loved my family and knew theyloved me and we were always a unit that survived 
and worked together. I always considered 
myself fortunate especially in comparison 
to my father and his mother and siblings 
who had escaped from the Ukraine barely 
ahead of a murderous pogrom.

Yes I am a fortunate one who will 
summon up the courage to go shop for a 
Christmas present for my deserving wife but 
for the moment I have misplaced my credit 
card. Maybe the Christmas Holiday will be 
cancelled---no that would be unfortunate for 
everyone—even me. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY HOLI-
DAYS-----We are all the lucky ones! 

Five wisterias 
Four Taylor's steaksThree porch pirates 
Two shabby dogs 
And a black bear in a palm tree 

On the ninth day of Christmas my trash 
bin lured to me 
Nine cyclists racingEight Bucs a-drinkingSeven first respondersSix Beantown burgers 
Five wisterias 
Four Taylor's steaksThree porch pirates 
Two shabby dogs 
And a black bear in a palm tree 

On the tenth day of Christmas my trash 
bin lured to me 
Ten parrots squawkingNine cyclists racingEight Bucs a-drinkingSeven first respondersSix Beantown burgers 
Five wisterias 
Four Taylor's steaksThree porch pirates 
Two shabby dogs 
And a black bear in a palm tree 

On the eleventh day of Christmas my 
trash bin lured to me 
Eleven hikers hikingTen parrots squawkingNine cyclists racingEight Bucs a-drinkingSeven first respondersSix Beantown burgers 
Five wisterias 
Four Taylor's steaksThree porch pirates 
Two shabby dogs 
And a black bear in a palm tree 

On the twelfth day of Christmas my 
trash bin lured to me 
Twelve church bells ringingEleven hikers hikingTen parrots squawkingNine cyclists racingEight Bucs a-drinkingSeven first respondersSix Beantown burgers 
Five wisterias 
Four Taylor's steaksThree porch pirates 
Two shabby dogs 
And a black bear in a palm tree 

Dinah Chong Watkins column appears 
every 1st and 3rd Saturday of the month. 

RICH & FAMOUS 

POLITICALLY 
CORRECT SANTA 

‘Twas the night before Christmas and 


Santa’s a wreck… 

How to live in a world that’s politically correct.

His workers no longer would answer to “Elves,”

Vertically challenged” they were calling themselves. 

And labor conditions at the north poleWere alleged by the union to stifle the soulFour reindeer had vanished without much proprietyReleased to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clearThat Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
We’re replaced with 4 pigs and you know that looked stupid! 

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the copsWhen they heard sled noises on their roof-topsSecond-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called “Unenlightened.” 

And to show you the strangeness of life’s ebbs and flows,
Rudolph was suing over unauthorized use of his noseAnd had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in overdue compensation. 

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she’d enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms. 

And as for the gifts, why, he’d ne’er had a notionThat making a choice could cause such commotion.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys. 

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that’s warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets…they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth. 

And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
We’re like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychologicalWho claimed the only good gift was one ecological. 

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe';
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away. 

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was there to be found. 

Something special was needed, a gift that he mightGive to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue, Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

 (c) Harvey Ehrlich, 1992 
Notice: This poem is copyright 1992 by Harvey Ehrlich. It is free to distribute, 
without changes, as long as this notice remains intact. All fol-
low-ups, requests, comments, questions, distribution rights, etc should 
be made to mduhan@husc.harvard.edu. Happy Holidays! 


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