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OPINIONOPINION

 Mountain Views News Saturday, January 27, 2024 

RICH JOHNSON 

NOW THAT’S RICH

STUART TOLCHIN

MOUNTAIN 
VIEWS

NEWS

PUBLISHER/ EDITOR

Susan Henderson

PASADENA CITY 
EDITOR

Dean Lee 

PRODUCTION

SALES

Patricia Colonello

626-355-2737 

626-818-2698

WEBMASTER

John Aveny 

DISTRIBUTION

Peter Lamendola

CONTRIBUTORS

Stuart Tolchin 

Harvey Hyde

Audrey Swanson

Meghan Malooley

Mary Lou Caldwell

Kevin McGuire

Chris Leclerc

Dinah Chong Watkins

Howard Hays

Paul Carpenter

Kim Clymer-Kelley

Christopher Nyerges

Peter Dills 

Rich Johnson

Lori Ann Harris

Rev. James Snyder

Katie Hopkins

Deanne Davis

Despina Arouzman

Jeff Brown

Marc Garlett

Keely Toten

Dan Golden

Rebecca Wright

Hail Hamilton

Joan Schmidt

LaQuetta ShambleE

PUT THE LIGHTS ON


WORDS

LOVE....AND OH YEAH, MARRIAGE

 This article is quite a bit different from any 
previous article I have written. First of all it is being 
written a day earlier than usual as I have surgery 
scheduled tomorrow. The surgical procedures are an 
endoscopy and a colonoscopy and it is ordered that I 
have only clear liquids today.

 I underwent my first colonoscopy probably 15 
years ago and didn’t think very much about it. A few 
days later I got a call on my cell while I was driving from the Chatsworth 
Court to the San Fernando Court. Often I don’t take calls while I’m 
driving but I took this call which was from Kaiser Permanente. A voice 
said I had to go to Kaiser Hospital right away to which I condescendingly 
explained that I was an attorney with scheduled appearances that day. 
I finally asked why it was so important that I come in right now. There 
was some hesitation and the voice said: “You have to come in right now 
because you have cancer.” I debated whether to call my wife but didn’t 
want to scare her and just headed for the hospital in Baldwin Park which 
was off of the 10 Freeway. I felt very calm until I noticed that I was on the 
91 Freeway and was near Long Beach way too far south.

 

Eventually I turned around and reached the hospital and frankly I forgot 
many of the details but I had surgery a few days later during which time a 
part of my colon was cut off and then the colon was reattached. All that 
I remember is that some medical person told me that I was very fortunate 
in that I would not have to wear a colonoscopy bag. I remember when I 
awoke from the sedation that my wife and son were not there.

 I learned that they had been waiting for quite a long time and 
just took a break to get some coffee. This I remember clearly in a way 
that I have forgotten everything else. I guess because this memory is less 
scary. After the cancer operation I had to have a colonoscopy every five 
years and explained to the doctors that I wanted the procedure done 
without the sedation. My reasoning was that I did not want to wake up 
from sedation and find myself alone. So all the following colonoscopies 
I have undergone have been done without sedation. Certainly there is 
some pain but not nearly as much as gout or kidney stones which really 
hurt. 

 What I really remember is feeling like a hero because I did not 
allow myself to be sedated. I know now that my fear of abandonment is 
much more intense than the discomfort I felt from the surgery. Perhaps 
bravery is just a fear of cowardice, something to think about.

 Anyway, let’s get to the present. A previous colonoscopy together 
with an endoscopy were performed last December and they found 7 
polyps which now may have to be removed tomorrow. I don’t mean to 
bore you with all this medical information which you probably would be 
happy to ignore. Also involved tomorrow is another colonoscopy because 
last time I hadn’t prepared properly. I thought I did everything I was 
supposed to last time but you can be sure I am following the instructions 
to the letter this time.

 Okay, that's enough talking about tomorrow. What I want to talk 
about is my actual experience of last night and this morning. I’ve been 
worried. My son is having dental problems, my car is on it’s last legs 
(or wheel I suppose) .The climate crisis is ongoing, and the re-election 
of Donald Trump seems like more than a possibility. Last night, like 
many nights, I could not sleep worrying about tomorrow. I guess I 
occupied myself by doing the New York Times Word games. At some 
point I allowed myself to be distracted by focusing on the inadequacy 
of words - you know, words like anxiety and fear and frustration and 
disappointment.

 

 If I manage to get this article out and see it published in the paper 
on Saturday I know that seeing those words, these words, my words, 
will allow me to feel I have faced my fear and have attempted to share 
something important. That is a “noble” attempt, whatever that means 
and I feel pretty good about it. Maybe next week will not be quite so 
frightening.

First, congratulations again to Ms. Susan Henderson for catapulting the 
Mountain Views News to Business of the year…despite permitting me to 
write for the paper. 

Well, friends, we are almost in the month of amour…love. Yes, February 
is just days away.

I don’t know your personal experience with love and marriage. I suspect it’s similar to mine. 
And I barely know mine. Mine is described as a mélange, a mixture of yin and yang at best.

Comedian Alan King pondering about romance once said, “If you want to read about love 
and marriage, you’ve got to buy two books”.

While we’re at it, Mr. King also said: “Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting 
with strangers.”

Someone might have said this about me: “My marriage is childish, except for my husband.” 
Cindy Garner

Before I share more insightful quotes on love and marriage I submit this profound bit of 
truth tendered by some-one named “Unknown”.

“If it weren’t for marriage, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.”

“Marriage is not a word, but a sentence.” Unknown

Lady Astor chimed in, “I married beneath me. All women do.”

“Love is an agreement on the part of two people to overestimate each other.” E. M. Cioran

Dr. Joyce Brothers: “No matter how lovesick a woman is, she shouldn’t take the first pill who 
comes along.”

“My wife and I took out insurance policies on each other. So now it’s just a waiting game.” 
Bill Dwyer

Even the Bard of Avon chimed in: “Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage.” William 
Shakespeare

A comedian (Louis Johnson…no relation) pondered over those in bad marriages. He said: 
“I watch the videotape of my wedding backwards for the happy ending where I’m backing 
out of the Church.”

Katharine Hepburn tendered a profound suggestion: “Perhaps men and women should live 
next door to each other and just visit now and then.” (Kate married once, very briefly to 
Ludlow Ogden Smith. The love of her life was, of course, Spencer Tracy.)

Comedienne Rita Rudner admitted: “When I finally met Mr. Right, I didn’t know his first 
name was ‘Always’.”

I’ll begin to wind this to column down starting with a quote from that brilliant mind we 
know as “unknown”. “If a man speaks and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?” 
(Yes is the answer 9 times out of 8)

I am humbled by the discovery of a phenomenal thinker/writer…Jacob Braude.

S stopped in my tracks stumbling on a quote from Mr. Braude on relationships: Here it is:

“Most of these love triangles are wrecktangles.”

I’ll end with a few more choice quotes from my new hero:

“Bigamy is two rites that make a wrong.”

“There is no way to catch a snake that is as safe as not catching him.”l

“You know you’re getting older when you don’t care where your wife goes, just so you don’t 
have to go along.”

“Thanksgiving, to be truly Thanksgiving, is first thanks, then giving.”

“A vacation should be just long enough that your boss misses you, and not long enough for 
him to discover how well he can get along without you.”

“Only uncomfortable chairs become antiques – the comfortable ones are worn out by hard 
use.” (There is a mar-riage application in there somewhere)

And the piece de resistance: “If a thing goes without saying…let it.” (I’ve never learned this 
one lol)

JJ Jukebox is performing our February dinner concert at Nano Café here in Sierra Madre. 
Saturday, February 10th, 6:30 – 9:30. Fun rock and roll from the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s and 80’s. 
Everly Brothers to Steppenwolf to the Doobie Brothers to Queen and just maybe a couple of 
new 80’s rock tunes.

Reservations: Call (626) 325-3334 Wednesdays-Saturdays after 3:00pm) Come for dinner, 
drinks dancing and Tom Foolery! Rich

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DAN TYREE

SHOULD STUDENTS BE BRIBED 
INTO ATTENDING CLASSES?


Are truancy 
officers about 
to get help 
in fighting 
absenteeism?

According 
to the New 
York Post, the Ohio legislature 
is considering a bipartisan pilot 
program that would make cash 
transfers to select kindergarten 
and ninth-grade students if they 
show up a whopping 90 percent of 
the time.

(One of my friends remarked that 
the $1.5 million project is called 
a pilot program because it makes 
as much sense as a beagle flying 
a WW I Sopwith Camel. But I 
digress.)

Schools have exhausted other 
methods of motivating students 
(year-round dunking machines 
showed promise, but principals 
balked when hydrochloric acid 
kept mysteriously disappearing 
from the chemistry lab), so the 
payment experiment is part of 
throwing things against the wall 
and seeing what sticks.

(“No, Bobby, we’re not going to pay 
you not to throw things against 
the wall.”)

I admire the good intentions of 
the legislators (and like-minded 
lawmakers in other states), but 
there are limitless ways for this to 
implode.

For starters, you realize, of course, 
that getting a reluctant student 
to darken the doorway of home 
room is just the first tentative step 
of having them participate, learn 
and truly earn a diploma.

Some cagey young entrepreneur 
will inevitably game the system 
with budget-busting add-ons. 
(“Now that I’m here, teacher, 
perhaps you would like to see our 
price list. I recommend our savory 
‘walk single file/show your work’ 
combo platter.”)

These same entrepreneurs 
may draw inspiration from the 
existence of substitute teachers 
and delegate some responsibilities. 
(“No, you haven’t seen me before. 
I’m a substitute Caitlyn. We do 
a 70-30 split while she’s playing 
hooky.”)

Granted, pay-for-attendance 
may curtail some social justice 
controversies. (“Who cares what 
my pronoun is? Here’s my Cayman 
Islands routing number. That’s all 
I care about.”)

And at least disenchanted students 
will no longer have the old “When 
will I ever use the stuff they teach 
in school in real life?” lament. 
(“Can’t wait until I’m a surgeon 
and start negotiating about 
hanging around AFTER I open up 
the thoracic cavity! KA-CHING!”)

A sizable percentage of potential 
dropouts will inevitably decide 
that the payments are either 
irresistible or insultingly low. 
For the former, that could 
mean dragging themselves to 
school even when their medical 
condition makes it unwise. (“I was 
determined to deliver my big essay 
today, no matter what. Where is it, 
you ask? My plague-infested pet 
rat ate it.”)

As for students who become 
immune to the initial financial 
rewards, states and school districts 
may have to take drastic steps, 
involving property tax, pension 
funds and other resources. (“The 
wheels on the bus go ‘round and 
‘round – even without fancy-
schmancy new tires.”)

And let’s be realistic. Boredom, 
laziness and social awkwardness 
are not the only reasons students 
avoid school. Some come from a 
bad home environment and would 
not necessarily retain control of 
their attendance bonus. (“Mrs. 
Johnson, could the school board 
possibly swing letting me earn 
attendance points on weekends, 
too? Dad’s teen-age girlfriend 
really needs that boob job.”)

I wish school systems well 
going forward, but there will be 
animosity from generations of 
scholars who maintained near-
perfect attendance with no reward 
other than a passing remark in the 
graduation line.

(“Okay, the young punks get half 
the money after displaying good 
attendance – and the other half 
after they walk five miles to and 
from school in snow, uphill both 
ways.”)

Danny Tyree welcomes email 
responses at tyreetyrades@aol.com 
and visits to his Facebook fan page 
“Tyree’s Tyrades.”

TROLLS AND BOTS IN 2024


CONSPIRACY THEORIES


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Mountain Views News 80 W Sierra Madre Blvd. No. 327 Sierra Madre, Ca. 91024 Office: 626.355.2737 Fax: 626.609.3285 Email: editor@mtnviewsnews.com Website: www.mtnviewsnews.com