Mountain Views News, Combined Edition Saturday, February 17, 2024

MVNews this week:  Page 12



 Mountain Views News Saturday, February 17, 2024 







Susan Henderson


Dean Lee 



Patricia Colonello




John Aveny 


Peter Lamendola


Stuart Tolchin 

Harvey Hyde

Audrey Swanson

Meghan Malooley

Mary Lou Caldwell

Kevin McGuire

Chris Leclerc

Dinah Chong Watkins

Howard Hays

Paul Carpenter

Kim Clymer-Kelley

Christopher Nyerges

Peter Dills 

Rich Johnson

Lori Ann Harris

Rev. James Snyder

Katie Hopkins

Deanne Davis

Despina Arouzman

Jeff Brown

Marc Garlett

Keely Toten

Dan Golden

Rebecca Wright

Hail Hamilton

Joan Schmidt

LaQuetta ShambleE




Okay, Valentine’s Day is behind us for at least, another 360+ days. 

Those of us who make up the male of the species now have a very 
short window of time to vent our frustrations toward the fairer 
of the species, regarding the fairer of the species, and hopefully 
recover love and affection by the fairer of the species before next Valentine’s Day. 
(World’s longest sentence.)

You see, it seems men are generally perceived as the only gender in need of 
correction. (I can hear the snickering ladies!) If we dare suggest differently, we 
are ostracized, blackballed, blacklisted, shunned, spurned, and given the cold 
shoulder by the fairer of the species. I am only speaking out as I have been forced 
at something slightly less than gunpoint to come up with words of wisdom for 
women in how to interact with men. (Like it’s really important?) 

By the way it’s no typo that all the rules are numbered one. They are numbered 
that way on purpose. So here they are ladies:

Learn to work the toilet seat. If it’s up put it down. We need it up, you need it down. 
Do we complain about you leaving it down?

Sometimes we are actually not thinking about you. Live with it. 

Sunday equals sports. It’s like the full moon so let it be.

Ask clearly for what you want. Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. 
“Obvious” hints do not work. Just say it.

We don’t remember dates. Mark special events on a calendar and remind us 
frequently beforehand.

Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

A headache lasting 17 months IS a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we may have said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All 
comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer.

Ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already 
know best how to do it, do it yourself.

Please strive to say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus and Marco Polo did not ask for directions. Neither will we.

Men see in only 16 colors. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is 
also just a fruit. And who knows what mauve is?

If IT itches, IT will be scratched.

If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing” we will act like nothing’s wrong.

When we go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Don’t ask. 

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Unless it is a Bruce Lee or war movie.

I’m in shape. ROUND is a shape.

Men, if you put this column up on the refrigerator and end up sleeping on the 
couch simply say the following: “I don’t really mind, cause it’s just like camping.

Please keep in your hearts and in your thoughts. If you 
can, donate what you can. 

When I was in Junior High School, I remember 
writing something like “It is terrible that most 
Americans take so little interest in politics. 
Thankfully, our loyal American Political Parties 
make sure that whoever the final candidates 
are they will both be qualified, experienced, 
competent, and honest. Both candidates will be fully capable of 
doing the job and the final selection makes little difference. If 
the political parties failed in their responsibility, then Heaven 
help the American People.”

I don’t remember what grade I received on the essay. In Junior 
High School I don’t think grades mattered much. But what has 
changed is my belief in institutions and the underlying belief 
that there was a Heaven around that can and would help us if 
we needed it. 

In 1974, I had been flown to Washington by the Democratic 
Party and was prepared to speak before Congress. Unfortunately, 
for me and for America all such plans evaporated and were 
consumed by the Watergate Scandal. At the time I was the 
Director of Greater Bakersfield Legal Assistance and had 
devised an idea to create a Statewide Legal Assistance Program 
that would meet the needs of the rural poor in the same way 
that the urban poor received help. I’m a little bit hazy about the 
details now but anyway I never got to testify before Congress 
and soon left my job in Bakersfield as I was recruited to be a 
clinical Professor at UCLA Law School.

Now I bring all this up to emphasize how different things were 
back then. First for me, I thought I had something special to 
contribute back then. But let’s talk about the country though. 
Eisenhower was considered old at the time of his re-election – 
he was only 65 and had just suffered a heart attack. The point 
was that as Americans we could trust the political parties to 
only nominate individuals who could handle the job and would 
be surrounded by a staff of able people.

We could trust then; we believed the news that was broadcast 
to us. We weren’t afraid of being lied to by all the networks and 
by everyone else. Yesterday, if the news can be believed, the 
Republican party refused to support the compromise proposal 
that would have met the need for immigration reform at the 
Southern Border together with supplying needed funds for 
military support to Ukraine and Israel.

Of course, now everything seems ridiculous. The whole 
Republican party seems like a very bad joke. The Republican 
platform is to get that 77-year-old man re-elected because he 
represents a return to the good old days of racism, anti-gay, anti-
abortion, anti-books, anti-history, anti-women, and the return 
of white skin privilege. It makes me sick just to talk about it.

What about the Democrats? I just can’t trust them. I believe the 
major reason for the support of Biden’s re-election is the belief, 
perhaps correct, that he is the only candidate who could defeat 
Trump. If there was no Trump, then there would be no Biden.

All right maybe so. But I would like to believe that at least 
American voters are being accurately informed about the state 
of Biden’s health. I know that it was decided in 1944 by the 
Democrats to keep secret the state of FDR’s health as that was 
important to win the election.

Politics is about winning and maybe that’s all it’s about. 
Quoting the recently resigned Homeland Security Committee 
Chair, Republican, Mark Green “This is so broken, and making 
a difference here just feels like a lot of something for nothing.” 
I’m afraid that’s where we are today.

Mountain Views News 
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This year marks the 45th season of Survivor, the reality 
television series, as it celebrates its 24th year. The fight for 
Food, Fire, Shelter and most importantly $1,000,000 has 
put 697 not-ready-for-prime-time cast-aways through 
the dense jungles of Borneo, the deadly underbrush 
of the Australian Outback, the wild rain forests of the 
Amazon, the mountainous hillsides of Cambodia and the predator heavy 
savannas of Kenya.

Survivor has challenged geolocations in almost all primitive terrains with 
the exception of Arctic climates - viewers want to see those lean buff bodies 
covered only by strips of PG-13 rated loincloths. As for the token “older” 
cast-aways, they’re allowed a mumu or board shorts to retain what little 
dignity they can muster; with the exception of Season One winner Richard 
Hatch who to his tribe’s chagrin, went au natural - a strategic move or itchy 

But while we'll never have to dig a hole for our daily constitution, shimmy 
up 30 feet to hack off a coconut, or build a flea infested lean-to out of palm 
fronds, arduous obstacles abound in the mean streets that we perilously 
navigate on a daily basis.

Food: The most deadly craving of all - 8” hot dogs glisten with beads of juicy 
meat stuffing as they hypnotically revolve on the heated metal carousel. 
The bun, a crisp but pillowy duvet with just a hint of sweetness. Squeeze 
bottles of mustard, ketchup, mayonnaise and sriracha wait to adorn the 
sausage for a cheap thrill. Like the Greek mythological Sirens that seduced 
desperate sailors to shipwreck, the lure of the Quikie-Mart hot dog is almost 
impossible to resist. An involuntary glug of saliva pools in your mouth 
while at the same time your gut is all hands on deck for the coming bout of 
acid reflux. Should you accept this challenge, remember to purchase a gas-
busting roll of Tums conveniently located by the cash register. 

Fire: Hot tip #1 - buy Municipal Utility Stocks as gas and electricity rates 
soar into the hemisphere. In Southern California, sheepskin lined UGG 
boots come out when the temperature plunges to a teeth-chattering 64°F. 
Swaddled in Dodgers (Sho-hei Hi!) and Angels (Sho-hei Bye!), Chargers 
and Rams, Lakers and Clippers sweatpants and hoodies, we gather with our 
little mittens round the electric space heaters and crank up the furnace to 
80°F - Jimmy Carter, forgive us! We'll do a dance of outrage on Nextdoor 
followed by weepy resignation when we receive the XXL utility bill at the 
end of the month. 

Shelter: When a parking space costs more than a 2024 fully loaded Chevrolet 
Suburban, that childhood dream of buying a house with a white picket fence 
is well, maybe we can still afford the fence. The upside to rising home prices 
is the kids are staying home. The downside to rising home prices is the kids 
are staying home. And the gramps are in the mix too. That is a lot of toilet 

And there we have it, living out our own Survivor, a real real-life reality 
series. We navigate complex relationships between inter-generational 
cultural mores and for the hundredth time, fix Nana’s IPad by turning the 
power button off and back on. We forge alliances and balance privacy issues 
at great personal risk (“When I was your age…”) and reward (“You can have 
the car tonight, the tank's full”). 

At the end of the day, who will be the one that will outwit, outplay and 

Dinah Chong Watkins column appears every 1st and 3rd Saturday of the 

For more Close Encounters Of The Wrong Kind go to

Views News

Mission Statement

The traditions of 
community news-
papers and the 
concerns of our readers 
are this newspaper’s 
top priorities. We 
support a prosperous 
community of well-
informed citizens. We 
hold in high regard the 
values of the exceptional 
quality of life in our 
community, including 
the magnificence of 
our natural resources. 
Integrity will be our guide. 

Mountain Views News 80 W Sierra Madre Blvd. No. 327 Sierra Madre, Ca. 91024 Office: 626.355.2737 Fax: 626.609.3285 Email: Website: