11

OPINIONOPINION

Mountain Views-News Saturday, April 13, 2024 

RICH JOHNSON 

NOW THAT’S RICH

STUART TOLCHIN

MOUNTAIN 
VIEWS

NEWS

PUBLISHER/ EDITOR

Susan Henderson

PASADENA CITY 
EDITOR

Dean Lee 

PRODUCTION

SALES

Patricia Colonello

626-355-2737 

626-818-2698

WEBMASTER

John Aveny 

DISTRIBUTION

Peter Lamendola

CONTRIBUTORS

Stuart Tolchin 

Harvey Hyde

Audrey Swanson

Meghan Malooley

Mary Lou Caldwell

Kevin McGuire

Chris Leclerc

Dinah Chong Watkins

Howard Hays

Paul Carpenter

Kim Clymer-Kelley

Christopher Nyerges

Peter Dills 

Rich Johnson

Lori Ann Harris

Rev. James Snyder

Katie Hopkins

Deanne Davis

Despina Arouzman

Jeff Brown

Marc Garlett

Keely Toten

Dan Golden

Rebecca Wright

Hail Hamilton

Joan Schmidt

LaQuetta ShambleE

PUT THE LIGHTS ON


CALFORNIA, THERE THEY GO

People are crazy. But seriously. Is it [possible that 
people are leaving California in droves. How can that 
be? 

 Of course I am prejudiced. My earliest remembered 
years were in South Side Chicago, and I remember 
watching the Rose Bowl Parade on TV while it was 
freezing and snowing outside. I wondered, could 
there really be a place where people marched in the 
sun in the winter on a street called Orange Grove Avenue?

Eventually my whole family moved to California, and I was not 
disappointed. It was more than I ever imagined it could be. It truly 
seemed like God’s Country and although I did not believe in God, if 
there was a God this would be his country. Lately, by the way, I am 
beginning to have some doubts about this no God business.

On Monday, my wife and I actually left the house for a reason other than 
keeping doctor appointments. We drove over to Cal Tech, unquestionably 
one of the greatest Schools in America, to view what we could see of 
the solar eclipse. We had to park far away from the entrance and as 
we walked people going the other way asked how long the line was. I 
amused myself telling people that the line had no end. Nevertheless, we 
eventually reached the entrance and were handed special eclipse viewing 
glasses and found our way to the athletic field which was already filled 
with about a thousand people.

The eclipse would not be happening for a while and as usual I amused 
myself by talking to strangers. This one of my many traits that absolutely 
drives my wife crazy, but she is not so crazy as to want to leave California 
or to leave me. Near us was a six-year-old girl and her mother. The girl 
noticed my discomfort as I tried to lay on the ground. I told her that 
even though I was old I could still do pushups (which I cannot really do) 
and challenged her to do ten pushups. She easily did the ten and became 
obsessed with doing pushups as I counted out the numbers for her.

As eclipse time approached, I noticed someone with a giant telescope, 
and I walked over to peer into it. As I attempted to look into it, a woman 
screamed at me yelling “just because you are a senior doesn’t mean you 
can go to the head of the line. “For the first time I noticed there was a 
huge line of people waiting their turn to use the telescope. Embarrassed, 
I attempted to protect my dignity by saying, “I am not a senior, I am a 
sophomore.” The woman still looked angry as I walked away but a little 
later came over and apologized to me for yelling. Eventually, the eclipse 
began, and I asked for help from a passerby to assist me in reaching a 
sitting position. I viewed the partial eclipse in all its glory which after a 
while lead me to question my heretofore unquestioned belief in a godless 
universe. As I think about it now it is clear that at this particular moment 
in time (whatever that really is) humankind has not reached the point 
where we can answer the very basic questions about the universe and, 
as humans, whether we have a special obligation within that universe.

As we drove home, I noticed that to the east, in the midst of the eighty-
degree weather, I could view snow-capped mountains. What a wonderful 
place California is! Sure, the food prices are high and it’s tough to afford 
a restaurant meal. Still, once you get helped by the understaffed servers, 
you realize that the portions are huge and one serving is more than 
enough for the two of you. 

Right here in Sierra Madre there are municipal golf courses all around 
with available tee times. Unfortunately, many of my former golfing 
partners are now unavailable as their doctors go through an organ recital 
informing many of us oldsters what is wrong and what we can expect. I 
have such an appointment on Friday but, at least until then, life is good 
here in California and I would not want to be anywhere else. 


VENI VIDI VILLAM EMI

In my most recent column I amazed and delighted a few of you (okay, 6 of you) 
with the dying words of famous people. Pancho Villa’s last utterance stood out 
as a lesson for all of us. I remind you that Pancho said: “Don’t let it end like 
this. Tell them I said something important.”

I’m certain Mr. Villa would have garnered a more favorable reputation in history if he had 
prepared his last words in advance.

If you want to be remembered in the most favorable light, I recommend you do what I have just 
done: Prepare your last words in advance, memorize those words, keep a copy in your wallet, 
purse and, for sure, on the refrigerator door. 

Your last words should not be verbose (look it up). Use either your native tongue or, for a little 
extra class, do what I did…prepare your dying words in Latin. My last words are also the title 
of this week’s column. Classy huh? I’ll delight you with the interpretation at the end of the 
column…if you get there lol!

For the rest of my allotted verbiage, I thought I might slingshot to a more positive topic and 
talk about first utterances. Looking to our species, no surprise all of our first utterances were 
the same: “Wah, wah, wah, wah, Mommy”.

My plan became sharing first lines in books, plays and movies. (Note to young people 
considering romantic entanglements) This is a good opportunity to test the cultural depth 
of a potential romantic candidate: Test their knowledge of the classics be it movies or books. 
Here we go:

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must 
be in want of a wife.” Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen

“It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.” 1984, George Orwell

“You better not never tell nobody but God. It’d kill your mammy.” The Color Purple, Alice 
Walker

“It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.” A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens

“You don’t know about me, without you have read a book by the name of ‘The Adventures of 
Tom Sawyer’, but that ain’t no matter. That book was made by a Mr. Mark Twain, and he told 
the truth, mainly.” The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain (Pssss, no typos)

“All of this happened, more or less.” Slaughterhouse-Five, Kurt Vonnegut

“I am a sick man…I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man. I think my liver is diseased.” 
Notes From Underground, Fyodor Dostoyevsky (I considered this as my last words RJ)

Ladies, here are opening lines from two movies you can use to test the IQ of your prospective 
date. Just ask them to name the movie. Their answer will enlighten you.

#1 “Hello, my name’s Forrest, Forrest Gump. You want a chocolate?” Forest Gump

#2 “The hills are alive with the sound of music.” The Sound of Music

Okay, back to the title of this column. My intended last words. As a reminder, the title is in 
Latin, Veni vidi villam emi”. 

It translates “I Came, I Saw, I Bought the Farm.”

Hold the horses. To end on a more positive note, I am going to share a poem penned by 
another writer, Don WInham. I see Don nearly every Saturday morning at Corfu Restaurant 
in Sierra Madre. The poem, no surprised, is centered around one of my favorite pastimes…
eating. Don’s wonderfully clever work is entitled:

PEANUT BUTTER TOAST 

At the start of the day, what helps me the most

Is a healthy serving of peanut butter toast

Is it healthy for me? Probably not

But give it a try, you will like it a lot

Fruits and veggies are easier to chew

And everyone knows they are better for you

When it’s party time and I’m the host

Plan on me serving peanut butter toast

When Thanksgiving arrives, I eat what I like

I can take off the pounds riding my bike

I like the turkey or maybe a roast

But I’d give it all up for peanut butter toast

Many tasty foods are born in the South

And none of them stick to the roof of your mouth

Colonel Sanders would agree if only he could

Peanut butter toast is finger lickin’ good

When it’s my time to die, I’ll be heard to utter

‘Toast some bread, bring me peanut butter’. 

Don Winham

Mountain Views News 
has been adjudicated as 
a newspaper of General 
Circulation for the County 
of Los Angeles in Court 
Case number GS004724: 
for the City of Sierra 
Madre; in Court Case 
GS005940 and for the 
City of Monrovia in Court 
Case No. GS006989 and 
is published every Saturday 
at 80 W. Sierra Madre 
Blvd., No. 327, Sierra 
Madre, California, 91024. 
All contents are copyrighted 
and may not be 
reproduced without the 
express written consent of 
the publisher. All rights 
reserved. All submissions 
to this newspaper become 
the property of the Mountain 
Views News and may 
be published in part or 
whole. 

Opinions and views expressed 
by the writers 
printed in this paper do 
not necessarily express 
the views and opinions 
of the publisher or staff 
of the Mountain Views 
News. 

Mountain Views News is 
wholly owned by Grace 
Lorraine Publications, 
and reserves the right to 
refuse publication of advertisements 
and other 
materials submitted for 
publication. 

Letters to the editor and 
correspondence should 
be sent to: 

Mountain Views News

80 W. Sierra Madre Bl. 
#327

Sierra Madre, Ca. 
91024

Phone: 626-355-2737

Fax: 626-609-3285

email: 

mtnviewsnews@aol.com

A member of the

California Newspaper 
Publishers 
Association

TOM PURCELL


A GOOD MONTH TO PREVENT 
DISTRACTED DRIVING

“It wasn’t my fault the car in front of me hit me. I 
glanced at my text message for only a second when 
our bumpers collided.” “How could the car in front 
of you hit you?”

“The idiot stopped to let a deer cross the street — 
and dented my front bumper with his rear bumper. 
Yet the cops wrote me up for texting while driving!”

“It’s because of people like you that April has become National 
Distracted Driving Awareness Month! Safety advocates are urging 
drivers like you to avoid texting or watching streaming video on their 
phones, while behind the wheel of their cars!”

“A whole month to make people aware of the risks of distracted 
driving?”

“That’s right. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration 
says 3,522 people were killed in traffic crashes involving a distracted 
driver in 2021, and an estimated 362,415 people were injured.”

“Look, I’m in sales and on the road a lot. I’ve gotten pretty good at 
talking, eating, texting and driving. It wasn’t my fault some idiot 
front-ended me.”

“That’s simply not true. According to The New York Times, a Michigan 
professor found that when someone tries to multitask, important 
neural regions in the brain must switch back and forth. This opens up 
opportunities for serious mistakes behind the wheel.”

“But it’s not my fault my wife wants immediate answers when she texts 
me!”

“Look, our roadways have changed significantly over the years. For 
starters, many of our cars are so comfortable and quiet, people forget 
they’re operating a two-ton hunk of steel. They’re able to zone out to 
music or yap on the phone, oblivious to the millions of things that 
could go wrong.”

“But I invested a lot of dough in my sound system. It would be a waste 
not to blast the speakers!”

“To make matters more challenging, there are lots more cars on the 
road. According to Forbes, more than 97% of American households 
have one car and nearly 23% have three or more!”

“So we’re a rich country. What’s wrong with that?”

“It only means that there are lots more drivers on the road — drivers 
of every age and experience level. We know, for instance, that teen 
drivers are distracted more easily than older drivers — especially 
when their peers are in the car with them.”

“My wife and I solved that problem. We got our daughter a ’76 Pacer. 
She never leaves the house.”

“That’s funny. The point is, the more distracted drivers there are on 
the road, the greater the opportunity for accidents. And add to that 
challenge a mix of ever-changing technologies — smartphones, iPads, 
laptops and GPS devices — and you have a recipe for disaster.”

“You make some good points.”

“Look, many people are wary of the government intervening in 
our lives, but there is wide agreement that this is one area where 
the government needs to intervene. Many states have implemented 
distracted driving laws and with good reason.”

“OK, I agree with you and I’ll stop texting while driving. But please 
know that my driving skills are widely admired by other drivers. They 
even praise me when I cut them off!” 

“They do?”

“Why else would they keep giving me the ‘You’re No. 1’ finger gesture?”


Mountain 
Views News

Mission Statement

The traditions of 
community news-
papers and the 
concerns of our readers 
are this newspaper’s 
top priorities. We 
support a prosperous 
community of well-
informed citizens. We 
hold in high regard the 
values of the exceptional 
quality of life in our 
community, including 
the magnificence of 
our natural resources. 
Integrity will be our guide. 


Mountain Views News 80 W Sierra Madre Blvd. No. 327 Sierra Madre, Ca. 91024 Office: 626.355.2737 Fax: 626.609.3285 Email: editor@mtnviewsnews.com Website: www.mtnviewsnews.com