Mountain Views News, Combined Edition Saturday, October 7, 2023

13

OPINIONOPINION

Mountain View News Saturday, October 7, 2023 

RICH JOHNSON 

NOW THAT’S RICH

MOUNTAIN 
VIEWS

NEWS

PUBLISHER/ EDITOR

Susan Henderson

PASADENA CITY 
EDITOR

Dean Lee 

PRODUCTION

SALES

Patricia Colonello

626-355-2737 

626-818-2698

WEBMASTER

John Aveny 

DISTRIBUTION

Peter Lamendola

CONTRIBUTORS

Stuart Tolchin 

Harvey Hyde

Audrey Swanson

Meghan Malooley

Mary Lou Caldwell

Kevin McGuire

Chris Leclerc

Dinah Chong Watkins

Howard Hays

Paul Carpenter

Kim Clymer-Kelley

Christopher Nyerges

Peter Dills 

Rich Johnson

Lori Ann Harris

Rev. James Snyder

Katie Hopkins

Deanne Davis

Despina Arouzman

Jeff Brown

Marc Garlett

Keely Toten

Dan Golden

Rebecca Wright

Hail Hamilton

Joan Schmidt

LaQuetta Shamblee

STUART TOLCHIN


PUT THE LIGHTS ON

ADVERTISING SLOGANS, FAUX PAUS, AND 
OTHER FICTIONS

THOUGHTS ABOUT A MODEST 
PROPOSAL

“Advertising is described as 
the science of arresting the 
human intelligence long 
enough to get money from 
it.” 

A Britt named Steuart Henderson (any relation 
Susan?) was quoted as saying, “Doing 
business without advertising is like winking 
at a girl in the dark. You know what 
you’re doing, but nobody else does”.

How many ads does the average American 
see in a day? Experts tell us between 4,000 
and 10,000 every 24 hours. Double the 
number you saw in 2007, and 5 times as 
many as experienced in the 1970s.

They see us coming. Recently I googled 
information on telescopes. Yep, you got 
it. I could get a Ph.D. in Astronomy based 
on the amount of telescope advertisements 
I was barraged with. It’s scary. Big 
Brother IS watching us. George Orwell in 
his novel “1984”. Orwell had no idea Big 
Brother would actually be trying to sell us 
something. 

Let’s lighten this up. Speaking of advertising, 
there are a few funnies when it comes 
to companies venturing into other countries 
to market their products. For example, 
China is the beneficiary of two gaffes I love.

First, KFC entered China in the 1980s. In 
Beijing, their famous slogan, “Finger-lickin’ 
good,” translated to “Eat your fingers off.” 
Apparently, it didn’t hurt KFC too badly: 
It’s the top fast food restaurant in China today 
with more than 5,000 stores.

Pepsi had a slogan in the 1960’s, “Come 
Alive! You’re in the Pepsi Generation”. 
The advertisement promoting Pepsi in 
China had a slightly different meaning: 
“Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back from 
the Dead”. Coca-Cola had a similar experience. 
Their name in China was read as 
“Kekoukela” which means “Bite the wax 
tadpole” in one dialect and “Female horse 
stuffed with wax” in another.

The Parker Pen people translating their 
slogan “It won’t leak in your pocket and 
embarrass you” into Spanish used the word 
“embarazada” which had a different meaning: 
“It won’t leak in your pocket and make 
you pregnant”.

Ford Motors selling cars in Belgium meant 
to say, “Every car has a high quality body”. 
It was translated as “Every car has a high 
quality corpse”.

While we’re at it when General Motors introduced 
the Chevy Nova in South America, 
they didn’t do their homework. Nova 
(No-va) in Spanish means “It won’t go”.

Green Giant frozen food company promoted 
“The Jolly Green Giant” in Arabic. “Jolly 
Green Giant” came across as “Intimidating 
Green Monster”. Novel way to sell veggies.

In a reverse situation, Iranian company, 
Paxam, sellers of many consumer goods, 
decided to market their laundry soap in the 
English speaking world. In Farsi, the words 
they used was translated “snow” in their 
marketing campaigns. The exact translation 
of the word for “snow” in Farsi was 
used and so it was marketed to us as “Barf.

Also, a airline terminal in India apparently 
didn’t want travelers to eat in carpeted areas. 
The English translation on the sign 
read, “Eating Carpet Strictly Prohibited”. 

You just can’t make this stuff up!

I hope your October is moving along swimmingly. 
Another shameless plug for my JJ 
Jukebox pre-Halloween Dinner Concert, 
Saturday, October 28th, 6:30-9:30 at Nano 
Café here in Sierra Madre. It’s a voluntary 
costume party. It will be fun, good food and 
rock and roll. Call soon to make reservations 
(626) 325-3334.

 I am certainly no Jonathan Swift. For one thing, 
he made his Modest Proposal about three hundred 
years ago in 1729 while I am still barely hanging on. 
In Swift’s 2023 satirical proposal was written as a reaction 
to the continuing exploitation of one group by another and the social 
ills associated with that behavior. The proposal is a straight faced satire 
mocking the heartless attitude of the English toward the Irish in general. 
I believe that the plea for understanding contained in Swift’s modest proposal 
is applicable to a prevalent attitude toward emigrants from Central 
and South America. 

 There is a belief that emigrating to the United States will eventually 
lead to better life with more opportunity for themselves and their 
children. I completely understand this need and am sympathetic to it. My 
father and his entire family born in the Ukraine, then a part of the Russian 
empire, struggled to leave their birthplace and come to America. At 
the time they left their very lives were threatened by the ongoing pogroms 
initiated by the czar to keep the Jews in their place. Of course when they 
finally arrived they were often not welcomed by now established relatives 
who had arrived years before.

 It was tough-going and anti-Semitism was rampant. In many cases 
Jewish people changed their names in order to feel safer and better able 
to climb the ladder of upward social mobility. This morning while playing 
golf with a man I had met on the golf course---a very nice man who I 
now consider a friend--- I mentioned that I had learned that the family of 
Attorney General Merrick Garland born in Chicago, just like me. He was 
raised in Conservative Judaism and the family name had been changed 
from Garfinkel several generations earlier. My friend innocently asked me 
why a family would change their name and I became unruly and unreasonably 
angry and pretended to run him over with my golf cart.

 In what was probably a period of just a few seconds I calmed down 
and was embarrassed by my outrage. My golfing friend seemed to be completely 
unaware of the persistent Anti-Semitism present in America. My 
friend should have known better. He is a couple of decades younger than 
I and was raised as a Protestant in wealthy San Marino. Of course he is a 
College graduate who owns several properties and through it all still defines 
himself as a Republican, though not a fan of Trump. His major reason 
for party allegiance is his continual complaint about what he feels to be 
an unnecessary tax-burden. His indifference to all other social problems 
disturbs me and we don’t talk politics very much.

 I don’t want to conclude this article leaving the impression that I 
am in anyway superior to this man, who is undisputedly a better golf than 
I and does me a favor by continuing to meet and play with me. The story 
I want to share now is one that I have repeated many times. Several years 
ago my wife and I visited Monticello, the palatial home of Thomas Jefferson 
in Virginia. We were accompanied by an African American friend 
and his wife who are about the same age as my children. In the main room 
of Monticello I marveled at the inventions of Thomas Jefferson which were 
displayed included among which were a swivel chair and a printing machine. 
As I spoke about the wonders of Jefferson’s creativity, my friend, 
a large football-playing man who, prior to becoming a lawyer, worked as 
a bouncer, began to hammer loudly on the floor. “Right under here—
right under here-is where he kept his Slaves.” Perhaps either my wife or I 
became concerned that our friend was creating a disturbance. I actually 
don’t remember—but what I do remember is that this was a lesson that I 
thought I would never forget. But I do forget and so often wrongly feel 
myself superior or better educated or more in touch than other people. Is 
this just connected with my need to justify and protect myself? 

 Really, I am in need of tolerance—not just for others but also for 
myself. If you at all sympathize please contact me at stuarttolchin@gmail.
com 


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DINAH CHONG WATKINS

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE 
WRONG KIND


BREAK-INS, TRASH BINS AND 
BEARS! OH MY!

I have a terrible 
secret. The kind 
that deserves its 
own half hour 
segment on the 
reality show “Hoarders”. The kind 
where that whimsical white picket 
fence house at the end of the cul de 
sac, belies the platoon of feral cats 
hissing within its HGTV-ready 
wooden frame. 

I confess, I have an obsessive condition 
disorder. KTFB - Keeping 
Trash From Bears. I sort it. I bag it. 
I freeze it. On the day the garbage 
truck rolls around, I drop it in the 
trash bin and leave a light spritz of 
perfum de Clorox as a final defense.

The day we moved in, we had a surprise 
welcome from our new neighbors. 
Mom and twins splashed 
exuberantly in our pool without as 
much as a “Howdeedo?” Like they 
owned the place! That they were 
bare-naked and outweighed us five 
times in size, made us, well - more 
neighborly and let them romp until 
they jumped back over the ten foot 
fence.

The next time they came, they 
brought friends and family. Junior 
especially enjoyed the soothing 
bubble jets of the hot tub. It was a 
Bear-Jamboree, the kind that goes 
viral on TikTok but not what you 
want in your own backyard. Real 
bears aren’t like Smokey Bear, he 
wears pants, real bears leave their 
stuff behind.

Our street used to be good pickings 
for the bears on Trash Day, 
now they’ve taken over the whole 
town. These Urus americanus rustlers 
lumber boldly into our main 
streets, using our crosswalks, ripping 
down bird feeders, stealing 
Fido's dinner, and mixing up the 
goodies in the black trash bins 
with the blue recycling ones. The 
summer invasion of the bears even 
canceled the town's first ever Camp 
Out Night lest a free-range camper 
end up as a kiddie S'more. 

Breaking News! David Muir of 
ABC World News Tonight reports 
on the bear break-ins in the Foothills 
communities. Helicopters, police 
cruisers, news vans and crews 
surround the area as if Travis Kelce 
had bent down on one knee and 
proposed to Taylor Swift in front of 
the local ice cream shop.

The victims homes were ransacked. 
Doors broken, window screens 
slashed, sometimes the bears 
took the easy route and sashayed 
through an unlocked door. Refrigerators, 
pantries, chest freezers - all 
prime targets for these dangerous 
buffet aficionados. As yet, the bears 
have preferred Pop Tarts to people’s 
toes. 

To some which say, “Grab the pitchforks, 
and let’s drive the beasts to 
the hills (which by-the-way is how 
Frankenstein got home…)!” 

Others cry, “The bears were here 
first, let them stay (actually, Mexicans 
and Indigenous people were 
here first…)!”

But the California Department of 
Fish & Wildlife is here to save the 
day. I had a mountain cougar by 
my backyard and called the CDFW, 
only to get voicemail followed by an 
official email 5 business days later, 
basically advising to be cautious because 
the big cats like to roam all 
over and they're much bigger than 
me.

Although CDFW is open to Trap, 
Tag and Haze; we’re expected to 
do the Haze bit. I’m no match for 
a bear’s razor sharp claws even after 
an hours-long gel manicure. I’ve 
banged pots and pans repeatedly at 
coyotes, deer and flocks of green 
parrots messing up the lawn, their 
usual reaction? Like a 98 year old 
whose Ear Miracle! had just slipped 
out. 

I heard our community will soon be 
receiving “bear-proof” trash bins. I 
hear from the city council that this 
will end the habitual incursions 
of these “freebie” bears and force 
them into the woods where they 
can forage on the same wild greens 
found at Whole Foods. I hope my 
freezer will finally have space for 
food, not just garbage.

Now let me tell you about my other 
terrible secret, the kind that deserves 
its own scandalous episode 
on “The Real Housewives of Sierra 
Madre”.

Dinah Chong Watkins column appears 
every 1st and 3rd Saturday of the month.

For more Close Encounters Of The 
Wrong Kind go to www.ceotwk.com

ELWOOD WATSON

HISTORY IN THE HOUSE


October 3, 2023 will go 
down in American history 
as the first time a Speaker 
of the House was expelled 
from Congress by his own 
peers. Kevin McCarthy, a 
man consumed of blind 
personal ambition and 
self-interest, was shown the exit door by his 
congressional colleagues.

Eight Republicans – Andy Biggs, Ken Buck, 
Tim Burchett, Eli Crane, Matt Gaetz, Bob 
Good, Nancy Mace and Matt Rosendale – 
joined all Democrats (who were unanimous) 
in voting out McCarthy. The American public 
witnessed Republican members of the 
House of Representatives engage in a intraparty, 
public meltdown.

McCarthy’s term inaugurated with rabble 
rousing and unsettling chaos, taking 15 
rounds of balloting in order for his ratification 
as speaker to take effect. From that 
theatrical moment onward, his rocky tenure 
progressed from one conjured up crisis 
to another – an unnecessary debt ceiling 
showdown, failed votes and pulled bills on 
the floor, name-calling in Republican caucus 
meetings.

On the other side of the aisle, McCarthy reassured 
Democrats fair and equitable treatment 
and a stake in governing while championing 
deeply partisan legislation they found 
unfathomable. He forgave former President 
Trump after previously denouncing him for 
the insurrection at the Capitol on January 6, 
2021. He condescendingly spearheaded an 
impeachment inquiry into President Biden 
when he was being verbally attacked and 
threatened by far-right wing members of his 
caucus. He ratified a spending deal with the 
White House before backing out.

More incredulously, he recently made the 
rounds on the Sunday talk show blaming 
Democrats as the reason the government 
almost shut down. Yes, the same Democrats 
whose votes helped McCarthy avert a 
shutdown.

Bullied by far-right wingers in his own 
party, distrusted by Democrats, McCarthy 
found himself in a political no man’s land, 
and thus pretty much talked himself out of 
his job. Virtually no one trusted him, and 
for good reason.

Democrats were in unison toward their 
opposition to McCarthy. Their refusal to 
become his defense culminated in a consistent 
pattern of what they viewed as untrustworthy 
behavior. Hitching his political wagon 
to the Trump train. Secretly sending a 
tape of the Capitol riots to right-wing media 
outlets to garner favor. Removing Wyoming 
congresswoman Liz Cheney from leadership 
over her principled opposition to the Freedom 
Caucus. Willingly ushering in, granting 
favor and unchecked power to extreme 
right-wing politicians such as Marjorie Taylor 
Greene, Matt Gaetz, Paul Gosar and others. 
Minimizing the January 6th attack and 
reportedly undermining the congressional 
investigation into the insurrection.

In reality, McCarthy’s fall was of his own 
making. He granted the Freedom Caucus 
a (still undisclosed) set of concessions during 
his effort to become speaker back in 
January, and one of those concessions was to 
lower the threshold for a motion to vacate to 
just one member. Talk about desperate and 
spineless.

McCarthy knew that he would need some 
Democratic votes to keep the speakership. 
But he did not provide Democrats anything 
in return for such votes. This fact in particular, 
coupled with a host of other issues, 
sealed McCarthy’s futile destiny. Democrat 
Rep. Hakeem Jeffries, the House minority 
leader, made it official by saying it was up to 
Republicans alone “to end the House Republican 
Civil War.”

Republican dysfunction and chaos aside, 
there are many pundits who argue that 
Democrats face their own potential dilemma. 
Was the feckless devil they knew a more 
secure bet than a future replacement they 
did not?

Regardless, whomever succeeds McCarthy 
will likely be at political mercy and will of 
the far-right faction that expelled him — 
perhaps even more so. Yet it was Democrats 
that ultimately decided McCarthy was not 
worth rescuing, with all 208 voting on Tuesday 
to remove him.

Truth is, they probably made a very smart 
decision.

–Elwood Watson is a professor of history at East 
Tennessee State University. He is also an author 
and public speaker.


Mountain Views News

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Mountain Views News 80 W Sierra Madre Blvd. No. 327 Sierra Madre, Ca. 91024 Office: 626.355.2737 Fax: 626.609.3285 Email: editor@mtnviewsnews.com Website: www.mtnviewsnews.com