Mountain Views News          Saturday, February 16, 2013

15

OPINION

 Mountain Views News Saturday, February 16, 2013 

STUART Tolchin..........On LIFE

JOE GANDELMAN Independent’s Eye

Mountain 
Views

News

PUBLISHER/ EDITOR

Susan Henderson

CITY EDITOR

Dean Lee 

EAST VALLEY EDITOR

Joan Schmidt

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LaQuetta Shamblee

SENIOR COMMUNITY 
EDITOR

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CONTRIBUTORS

Chris Leclerc

Bob Eklund

Howard Hays

Paul Carpenter

Stuart Tolchin

Kim Clymer-Kelley

Christopher Nyerges

Peter Dills 

Hail Hamilton 

Rich Johnson

Chris Bertrand

Ron Carter

Rev. James Snyder

Bobby Eldridge

Mary Carney

Katie Hopkins

Deanne Davis

Despina Arouzman

Greg Wellborn

Dr. John Talevich

Ben Show

Sean Kayden

Jasmine Kelsey Williams


IF THE POPE CAN RETIRE, 
WHY CAN’T I?


IS AMERICA UNSTOPPABLY 
CAREENING TOWARDS HATE 
AND MINUTIA-FILLED POLITICS 
AS IT MOVES FURTHER 
INTO THE 21ST CENTURY?

 Were you shocked this morning when you turned on the TV 
and heard the news? The Pope is retiring—he doesn’t want to 
do it anymore. Whoever heard of such a thing? The last time 
a pope retired was 719 years ago. I just googled Pope Celestine 
V and learned that he retired at the age of 80, choosing a life 
of quiet seclusion over the continual responsibilities of the 
Papacy. It’s hard to know if this Pope later regretted his choice, as it seems he was 
imprisoned by his successor who feared him as a rival for power. This Pope died 
about eighteen months after he relinquished his position and was later canonized. 
I do not think that either imprisonment or canonization will describe the future 
of Pope Benedict; but time will tell.

 What about Hilary Clinton, our recently retired Secretary of State? What does 
she have on her mind? Many pundits predict that Hilary will be the Democratic 
Candidate for President in 2016. These soothsayers foretell that Hilary and her 
forces will use the time wisely and be ready for the big fight in four years. After all, 
that great model of political success, Richard Nixon, used the time away from office 
to secure election in 1968 after eight years of Democratic domination. Of course, 
the fact that much of the population was frightened by huge demonstrations in 
the street and the most popular Democratic Candidate, Bobby Kennedy, had been 
assassinated undoubtedly contributed to the Nixon victory - even then it was very 
close. Whatever happened to Hubert Humphrey—has anyone heard a thing?

 Of course that isn’t my point. What I want to talk about is my own situation. 
Why don’t I retire? Why am I writing this particular article? As I hope some of you 
out there noticed that my usual article was not in the paper last week. Did you 
care - did you miss me? Actually a couple of people mentioned to me that they 
noticed that my column was not in its usual place on the Opinion Page, where it 
has appeared every week for over five years. In fact - there was no Opinion Page 
at all. As son as I noticed the omission I e-mailed Big Chief Susan and received 
a reply saying printer difficulties required the omission of four pages. I saw her 
later on Saturday evening at an event connected to the new Sierra Madre Radio 
Station. Without apology she said that I should consider the one week omission 
as my chance for a vacation and that I should not bother to submit a new article 
for this week as last week’s submission would be sufficient.

 Alas; I was very satisfied with last week’s submission but it was very topical. The 
article was entitled POWER FAILURE, and in my usual clever way it connected 
the power failure at the Super Bowl with power failures that are occurring 
throughout the rest of the world. I wrote about the Arab Spring as an exercise of 
power that somehow has not resulted in the change that celebrating populations 
have expected. Clearly, this article had some relevance right after the Super Bowl; 
but now two weeks later, who can remember anything about it?

 No, that’s not the point. The real truth is that I absolutely love the opportunity to 
write about events right after they happen and to feel assured that magically these 
articles will appear in the paper just a few days later. I admit that for reasons that 
are not clear to me I would not write the articles if I did not think they would be 
published. I do not think this is simply vanity. I believe that the publication of the 
articles allow me to reach out into the world and have some effect. What the effect 
is I cannot fully describe but I feel, (feel rather than believe) that my submitting 
articles which are as truthful and as real as I can make them contributes to making 
the world a better place. Consequently, I believe that my writing the articles and 
your reading them is a gift for both of us. If the articles do not appear then I 
believe that we will both be deprived of a gift this Valentine’s Day and for who 
knows how long.

 We now return to the subject of retirement. I don’t want to stop writing and I 
don’t want to stop lawyering. I would love to put together a radio program that 
presented the lives of our hard-working but low-income populations. Many 
waitresses are single mothers working three jobs and totally focused on bringing 
better futures to their children. I would like to interview recent immigrants, 
regardless of their legality or illegality, and present their dreams and hopes and 
regrets, too, to a public audience. I don’t know if I will get that opportunity and I 
really don’t know if this article will even be published. Still, I know there is stuff I 
want to do and the last thing I want to do is to stop trying.

 

 Happy Belated Valentine’s Day to the retiring Pope and Secretary of State and 
to the anything-but-retiring Susan; I hope you have made the decisions that are 
right for you! 

It certainly seems that way. You'd think that, with all the 
huge issues facing the country, our politics and media coverage 
would be overwhelmed in a scramble to present substantive 
stories, serious argument-crammed think pieces, and intelligent TV coverage 
and policy discussions that could significantly advance a crucial national debate. 

But in today's political culture, the way to advance your new or even mainstream 
media career, or soil the image of another party, partisan or writer, is to be outrageous, 
over the top, searing, sarcastic or indignant. Or you create an issue by seizing 
on something small, then blow it up like a political blimp until it becomes a 
narrative with "legs" that others will jump on, even if it's a non or fabricated issue. 
The name of the game is getting attention. Who cares how?

All of this has now become so ingrained in our political culture that it brings to 
mind the title of a Rodgers and Hart song from the 1937 musical "Babes in Arms," 
called "Johnny One Note." Its opening words: "Johnny could only sing one note 
and the note he sings was this: Ah!"

Our politics increasingly seems to be mired in two sour notes: the predominance 
of hate and anger as a political motivational and discussion tool, and the seizing 
of small events or issues which are then dissected, and peppered with generous 
dashes of paranoia and hatred. Speculation is packaged as fact or probability 
when they are often neither. The synthetic event or issue then takes on a life of its 
own as others want to cover what others have covered -- because others are covering 
it. Our politics is therefore increasingly easy to manipulate, and our media 
oftentimes not gatekeepers but partisan rant and negative image-dissemination 
systems.

A telling moment in our politics came when Bay Buchanan, conservative columnist 
Pat Buchanan's assertive, articulate and often-vitriolic sister, and a key media 
spokesperson for Mitt Romney during the GOP's failed presidential campaign, 
proclaimed that she’s fed up with politics -- and is going into real estate. Buchanan 
was the quintessential TV partisan talking head when she was on the tube; always 
in a race against time to load answers with as many talking points as humanly 
possible, and present them with angry, quotable zingers aimed at Democrats and 
Barack Obama.

The Washington Post notes that after Romney's loss she went for her real estate 
license. She then said something to the Washington Examiner explaining why 
she quit being a TV partisan talking head that speaks volumes about our political 
culture: "I can't just live my life going on TV and being angry all the time." 

Who said politics has to always be in an angry tone? But TV in particular needs 
conflict and emotion. How many times have you seen two partisans angrily going 
at it on a show, interrupting each other and screaming, then the host says with a 
smug look: "We'll have to have you back!!"

Meanwhile, a prime example of seizing on minutia and inflating it into a fake controversy 
until the attention deficit media jumps on it was best seen when Barack 
Obama mentioned he does skeet shooting. He must be lying, the partisan chorus 
howled. Then the mainstream media covered it. So Obama released a photo 
showing him skeet shooting. Partisan bloggers then dissected and questioned the 
photo. Is the smoke real? Is that really Obama? When was it taken? No way he 
could wear several changes of clothes in one day. Some conservatives call it -- I'm 
not kidding, now -- "Skeetgate."

Actually, it's "Hackgate" for those seriously investigating it, or for those wasting a 
Presidential press briefing demanding more answers on this "issue." Many blame 
Obama for mentioning skeet shooting: hey, he said something, didn’t he, so didn't 
he expect to be CHALLENGED?

Advice to Barack Obama: Never in an interview ever say you wear underwear.

Joe Gandelman is a veteran journalist who wrote for newspapers overseas and 
in the United States. He has appeared on cable news show political panels and is 
Editor-in-Chief of The Moderate Voice, an Internet hub for independents, centrists 
and moderates. CNN's John Avlon named him as one of the top 25 Centrists 
Columnists and Commentators. He can be reached at jgandelman@themoderatevoice.
com and can be booked to speak at your event at www.mavenproductions.
com.

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OUT TO PASTOR 

A Weekly Religion Column by Rev. James Snyder


FOR PRESIDENTS 
DAY — GEORGE 
WASHINGTON 
MAKEOVER 

By Tom Purcell

"What do you mean America's 
youth don't know who George 
Washington was?" 

"Dude?" 

"He was our first president, our 
best president and one of the primary 
reasons the experiment called 
America was able to work. But of 
course they don't teach you that in 
school anymore." 

"Dude?" 

"Scholars and historians deemed 
Washington to be our greatest 
president in a Wall Street Journal 
survey. But another survey shows 
that Washington's coverage in history 
textbooks has declined to less 
than 10 percent of what it was in the 
early 1960's." 

"Dude?" 

"Sure, to your generation Washington 
was just a boring old guy. He 
isn't as captivating as the pop singers, 
movie stars and professional 
athletes you worship. That's why the 
people at Mt. Vernon, Washington's 
estate, had to raise $110 million 
dollars to reshape Washington's 
image." 

"Dude?" 

"The Mount Vernon people constructed 
a new orientation center, 
education center and museum right 
on the grounds of Mt. Vernon. 
These new facilities, which opened 
in October, 2006, feature the story 
of a younger, studlier George 
Washington." 

"Dude?" 

"The presentations are designed to 
appeal to short-attention-span kids 
like you who get most of their information 
from MTV. A 15-minute 
film uses action-packed techniques 
to feature Washington's significant 
accomplishments." 

"Duuuuude?" 

"No, the film and multimedia presentations 
do not feature Washington 
blowing up terrorists, nor does 
Arnold Schwarzenegger costar. But 
they do tell the story of a remarkable 
man." 

"Dude?" 

"Did you know that Washington 
was born into a modestly well-to-do 
family? What little education he got 
was given to him by his father and 
stepbrother. He was a farmer and 
surveyor and through some inheritance, 
shrewd business dealings and 
hard work, he grew his fortune." 

"Dude?" 

"From early on he was a natural 
leader. He had an imposing presence, 
standing nearly 6'3" at a time 
when the average man was about 
5'8". And he was invincible. During 
one battle in the French and Indian 
war, four bullets ripped his coat and 
two horses were shot from under 
him, yet he was unscathed." 

"Dude?" 

"He represented the rebellious 
American spirit, you see, and he led 
the charge to break away from the 
restrictions and regulations of the 
British. In 1775, he took command 
of our motley crew of an army and 
led it in a war that lasted six grueling 
years." 

"Dude?" 

"And, dude, he didn't have much 
chance of winning against the British. 
Nonetheless, he used American 
ingenuity to completely outwit 
them. He retreated when they 
expected him to fight, he fought 
when they expected him to retreat. 
Many historians believe that no 
other man could have won this war. 
Without Washington, America's 
history would have been completely 
different." 

"Dude?" 

"After he beat the British, he was 
so popular he could have become 
a king. Instead, he used his immense 
power to help establish our 
Constitution, which grants power 
to us little folks. Then he reluctantly 
became our first president. He 
wanted nothing to do with the job, 
but knew our fledgling government 
needed his leadership to survive." 

"Dude?" 

"After eight long years as president, 
Washington finally returned to his 
beloved Mt. Vernon to farm and enjoy 
life. But he lived only three years 
in retirement before dying at the 
young age of 67." 

"Dude?" 

"The point is, dude, that one man 
can make a remarkable difference 
in the world. Washington was truly 
a hero -- a man who lived his life by 
simple virtues and a sense of duty. 
Without Washington, the experiment 
we call America might not 
have worked." 

"Dude?" 

"That is why the people at Mt. Vernon 
have gone to so much trouble to 
make sure we don't forget Washington's 
incredible story. I urge you to 
visit Mt. Vernon soon and learn all 
you can about this remarkable man. 
Now do you have any questions?"

"Dude?" 

"Oh, for goodness sakes. Yes, it's 
true that Washington grew hemp, 
also known as marijuana. But he 
used it to make rope and clothing. 
He didn't smoke it!"

"Duuuuude!"

Excerpt from Purcell’s "Comical Sense: A 
Lone Humorist Takes on a World Gone 
Nutty!"

TRUE LOVE TRUMPS A ROMANTIC 
FLING EVERYTIME

February is the month we celebrate 
romance. Actually, the 
only romantic things about me 
are my "love handles," which 
is why I have spent so much energy developing them 
over the years. You think somebody would appreciate 
them.

For some people, romance is an easy, if not natural 
thing. Others, like me, find it complicated and elusive. 
It is not that men are less romantic than women are; 
they just have different ideas of romance. 

For most women, romance is flowers and candy in 
heart shaped boxes. 

For men it is a Big Mac with fries and a soda ... and 
SUPER SIZE it, please. 

Why are women so complicated and men so simple? I 
do not think that came out the way I meant it.

If it were not for women, romance would have died a 
long time ago. There is nothing quite like springtime 
with a hint of romance in the air with a delicate dash 
of chivalry. 

People from Hollywood try to define romance for us, 
but their idea of romance is raw sex and lurid lust. 
Hollywooders would not know romance if it nibbled 
on their ears. Romance is not a fling in the spring, but 
a lifelong relationship, experiencing all the ups and 
downs of life -- together -- and no growing apart!

There is no picture quite as refreshing as a couple still 
together after all those years of turmoil and temerity. 
The easiest thing in all the world is to fall in love for 
a few years and then, when it gets difficult, bale out. 
What kind of thing is that? 

Ah, but to see a couple married for 50 years or more; 
now that is the epitome of real romance.

I'll have you know that romance has not been a stranger 
at the parsonage. I met my wife (actually, she wasn't 
my wife then) when I went away to Bible college in 
1970. 

At the time, I was functionally romance challenged. 
Before I left home for college, I prayed for a wife. I had 
the good sense to know that a minister needs a good 
wife to support him in the ministry. 

I prayed something like this, "Father, I need a good 
wife and I don't know how to go about it. Let the first 
single girl I meet at Bible college be the wife of Your 
choosing."

Now, I know this is a crazy and dangerous prayer to 
make. Some would take the high road of romance, but 
I took the low road of prayer. I may have been a bit 
desperate, but nobody could doubt my earnestness. I 
also figured that prayer was a lot cheaper than dating. 
After all, I am a Pennsylvania Dutchman.

Nevertheless, I prayed for a wife.

The day of my arrival on campus came and found me 
a bit anxious. I remembered my prayer and wondered 
just how God would answer it. 

My parents took me to the college, which was some 
500 miles from home; good planning on my part the 
men's dorm, I figured I was safe. I planned to avoid all 
contact with the opposite sex as long as possible.

But just as we pulled into the men's dorm parking lot, 
a young woman exited from the men's dorm. Remembering 
my prayer, I immediately amended it. "God, 
this doesn't count. I've not stepped out of the car yet."

Have you ever noticed that God has a marvelous sense 
of humor? 

The young woman emerging from the men's dorm 
defied description. Do you remember when women 
rolled their hair up in big rollers? Well, this young 
woman had rolled her hair up in tomato cans! Nothing 
prepared me for such a sight. She actually looked 
like some space alien. 

I do not know what she was wearing or even what she 
looked like. All I could see were those tomato cans on 
her head. At the time, I did not know much about romance, 
but I knew this was not it.

The next few days I did everything to avoid the women's 
dorm for fear I would run into her. Whenever I 
did see her, I crossed to the other side of the street. But 
the more I tried to avoid her, the more I ran into her. 
Prayer makes strange partners.

Thinking I was making progress in my plan of avoidance, 
the inevitable happened. 

One week after arrival, my roommate invited me to 
come along with him and his girlfriend to a restaurant. 
Being the neurotic naive that I am, I said, "Sure, 
I'd love to come along." After all, I had nothing else to 
do and it seemed like some fun. 

When my roommate went to the women's dorm to 
pick up his girlfriend, who do you suppose was standing 
with his girlfriend waiting? 

That's right. The young woman with the tin cans on 
her head. 

Would you believe it? The young woman with the tin 
cans turned out to be the sister of my roommate.

It was a whirlwind romance. I met her in September 
and in February she asked me to marry her. In August 
of that year, I found myself at a church altar mumbling, 
"do."

The Bible makes this promise: "Whoso findeth a wife 
findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the 
LORD" (Proverbs 18:22 KJV).

A good wife is the find of a lifetime, as long as God is 
in charge of the search. 

Mountain Views News

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