Mountain Views News, Pasadena Edition [Sierra Madre] Saturday, February 9, 2019

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

BUSINESS NEWS & TRENDS

Mountain Views-News Saturday, February 9, 2019 

Jeff’s Book Pics By Jeff Brown

FAMILY MATTERS By Marc Garlett


RECLAIM YOUR ROLE 
AS YOUR CHILD’S 
PRIMARY INFLUENCE—
PART 1

If you haven’t heard of Dr. Gabor Maté, I’d like 
to introduce you. Maté combines the latest 
scientific research with his own 20 years of 
experience as a family physician to empower 
parents to earn back their children’s love 
and loyalty if that connection has eroded. 
In numerous presentations, interviews, and 
the book Hold On To Your Kids: Why Parents 
Need to Matter More Than Peers, Maté explains 
the causes of this disconnect and describes how 
parents can reclaim their role as their children’s 
primary mentors and role models.

 Maté posits that the main reason for children’s 
detachment is due to a growing lack of intimacy in 
the parent-child relationship. The foundation for 
parenting is centered around what developmental 
psychologists call an attachment relationship. An 
attachment relationship is based on children’s 
innate desire to connect with and belong to their 
parents. 

 This attachment forms the entire 
context for child rearing, and even the 
best parenting skills in the world can’t 
compensate for a lack of such a connection. 
“The secret of parenting is not in what a parent 
does, but rather who the parent is to a child,” says 
Maté. “When a child seeks contact and closeness 
with us, we become empowered as a nurturer, a 
comforter, a guide, a model, a teacher, or a coach.” 
A relational, not a behavioral issue
As long as the child desires to stay attached—
emotionally connected and close—a deep sense 
of psychological intimacy will naturally arise. 
Above all else, this bond sets the stage for the 
parent to be the primary source of influence over 
the child’s identity, values, and personality. 

 “People think parenting comes from their 
responsibility, strength, and wisdom, but it 
doesn’t come from that,” says Maté. “It comes 
from the desire of the child to belong to you.”

 Children who lack this connection with their 
parents or primary caregivers become extremely 
difficult to raise and even teach. Given this, Maté 
stresses the fundamental goal for parents is to 
ensure that their children want to connect and 
have a close relationship with them. This does 
not mean just giving your children whatever they 
want, but instead giving them what they likely 
need most—more time and connection with you. 
“The starting point and primary goal in all of 
our connections with children ought to be the 
relationship itself, not conduct or behavior,” notes 
Maté. 

Kids raising kids

Children will always try to distance themselves 
from their parents as a natural way of exerting 
their independence, and parents have traditionally 
remained their primary source of influence. 
What’s changed, according to Maté, is that in 
recent decades, a mix of social, economic, and 
cultural changes have seriously eroded parents’ 
ability to remain the chief-orienting influence in 
their children’s lives. 

 “Children’s attachments to parents are no 
longer getting the support required from culture 
and society,” says Maté. “It’s not a lack of love 
or parenting know-how, but the erosion of the 
attachment context that makes our parenting 
ineffective.”

 For a variety of reasons, often centered around 
economics, many parents are no longer able 
to provide the level of attention and intimacy 
needed for the relationship with their kids to 
remain healthy and strong. And because children 
have a deep-seated psychological need for such 
attachment, they seek out another source to fill 
this void. 

 “They [children] are not manageable, teachable, 
or maturing because they no longer take their 
cues from us,” says Maté. “Instead, children are 
being brought up by other immature children 
who cannot possibly guide them to maturity.”


Dire consequences

 Maté notes that it’s perfectly normal and 
healthy for children to have close relationships 
with their peers. The problem arises when these 
relationships supersede the ones they have with 
their parents.

 For many children today, peers have replaced 
parents as the most influential force in creating 
the core of their personalities. When children 
look to other children to serve as their role models 
and mentors, this can have dramatic effects on 
their psychological development. And as we’ll see 
in part two, in the worst cases, can destroy the 
legacy parents want to build and leave for their 
children.

 Dedicated to empowering your family, building 
your wealth and defining your legacy,

A local attorney and father, Marc Garlett is on 
a mission to help parents protect what they 
love most. His office is located at 55 Auburn 
Avenue, Sierra Madre, CA 91024. Schedule an 
appointment to sit down and talk about ensuring 
a legacy of love and financial security for your 
family by calling 626.355.4000 or visit www.
GarlettLaw.com for more information.


The Huntress: A Novel by 
Kate Quinn 

From the author of the bestselling 
novel, The Alice Network, comes 
another fascinating historical 
novel about a battle-haunted 
English journalist and a Russian 
female bomber pilot who join 
forces to track the Huntress, a Nazi 
war criminal gone to ground in 
America. In the aftermath of war, 
the hunter becomes the hunted…
Bold and fearless, Nina Markova 
always dreamed of flying. When 
the Nazis attack the Soviet Union, 
she risks everything to join the 
legendary Night Witches, an all-
female night bomber regiment 
wreaking havoc on the invading 
Germans. When she is stranded 
behind enemy lines, Nina becomes 
the prey of a lethal Nazi murderess 
known as the Huntress, and only 
Nina’s bravery and cunning will 
keep her alive. Transformed by the 
horrors he witnessed from Omaha 
Beach to the Nuremberg Trials, 
British war correspondent Ian 
Graham has become a Nazi hunter. 
Yet one target eludes him: a vicious 
predator known as the Huntress. 
To find her, the fierce, disciplined 
investigator joins forces with 
the only witness to escape the 
Huntress alive: the brazen, 
cocksure Nina. But a shared secret 
could derail their mission unless 
Ian and Nina force themselves to 
confront it. Growing up in post-
war Boston, seventeen-year-old 
Jordan McBride is determined to 
become a photographer. When her 
long-widowed father unexpectedly 
comes homes with a new fiancée, 
Jordan is thrilled. But there is 
something disconcerting about 
the soft-spoken German widow. 
Certain that danger is lurking, 
Jordan begins to delve into her 
new stepmother’s past—only to 
discover that there are mysteries 
buried deep in her family . . . 
secrets that may threaten all Jordan 
holds dear. In this immersive, 
heart-wrenching story, Quinn 
illuminates the consequences of 
war on individual lives, and the price we pay to 
seek justice and truth.

Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free 
Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your 
Goals by Rachel Hollis

Hollis’s writing is beautifully blunt, and she 
humbly thanks her fans for her success. Her 
actionable ideas and captivating voice will 
encourage women to believe in 
themselves.” - Publisher’s Weekly 
(starred review)“I believe we can 
change the world. But first, we’ve 
got to stop living in fear of being 
judged for who we are.” Rachel 
Hollis has seen it too often: women 
not living into their full potential. 
They feel a tugging on their 
hearts for something more, but 
they’re afraid of embarrassment, 
of falling short of perfection, of 
not being enough. In this book 
bestselling author and founder 
of a multimillion-dollar media 
company, Rachel Hollis sounds 
a wake-up call. She knows that 
many women have been taught to 
define themselves in light of other 
people—whether as wife, mother, 
daughter, or employee—instead 
of learning how to own who they 
are and what they want. With a 
challenge to women everywhere 
to stop talking themselves out of 
their dreams, Hollis identifies the 
excuses to let go of, the behaviors 
to adopt, and the skills to acquire 
on the path to growth, confidence, 
and believing in yourself.

What the Wind Knows by 
Amy Harmon 

In an unforgettable love story, 
a woman’s impossible journey 
through the ages could change 
everything…Anne Gallagher 
grew up enchanted by her 
grandfather’s stories of Ireland. 
Heartbroken at his death, she 
travels to his childhood home 
to spread his ashes. There, 
overcome with memories of the 
man she adored and consumed 
by a history she never knew, she 
is pulled into another time. The 
Ireland of 1921, teetering on 
the edge of war, is a dangerous 
place in which to awaken. But 
there Anne finds herself, hurt, 
disoriented, and under the care 
of Dr. Thomas Smith, guardian 
to a young boy who is oddly 
familiar. Mistaken for the boy’s 
long-missing mother, Anne 
adopts her identity, convinced 
the woman’s disappearance is connected to her 
own. As tensions rise, Thomas joins the struggle 
for Ireland’s independence and Anne is drawn 
into the conflict beside him. Caught between 
history and her heart, she must decide whether 
she’s willing to let go of the life she knew for a 
love she never thought she’d find. But in the end, 
is the choice actually hers to make?The 3 reviews 
are from Amazon.com


All Things By Jeff Brown

MUCH OF EARTH’S SURFACE OCEAN WILL SHIFT IN 
COLOR BY END OF 21ST CENTURY 

By Paul Scott Anderson in EARTH


A new MIT study shows how changing colors of 
Earth’s oceans can be used to monitor climate 
change in the relatively near future. Earth’s oceans 
are typically blue and green in color. A new MIT 
study says those colors will be intensified by climate 
change. Image via NASA Earth Observatory. 
Earth’s oceans have been measured as warming 
due to overall climate change. This same warming 
is having other known effects on Earth’s oceans, 
including damage to coral reefs. Plus, it’s known 
that ocean warming is causing the growth and 
interaction of different species of phytoplankton, 
commonly known as algae. 

The changes in algae are expected to increase as 
temperatures continue to rise, and – according 
to the results of a new study. They’ll also have 
an additional, perhaps surprising, effect: 
that of altering the colors of Earth’s oceans. 
Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) 
researchers reported the findings in a new peer-
reviewed paper in Nature Communications. 
NASA and the Department of Energy helped 
support the research. Using a global model that 
simulates the growth and interaction patterns 
of the different phytoplankton species, and also 
simulating how phytoplankton absorb and reflect 
light, the researchers found that those changes will 
affect the ocean itself by intensifying the color of 
the surface water. The study suggests that more 
than 50 percent of the ocean water will experience 
the change in color by the year 2100.Triangular, 
translucent green microscopic phytoplankton 
with rods coming from one point. 

In the future, scientists will be able to track climate 
change by looking at how it affects phytoplankton 
and the resulting changing colors of the oceans.
Blue regions, such as the subtropics, will become 
even more blue, as a result of less phytoplankton – 
and life in general – in those waters, in contrast to 
today. Ocean water that is currently greener, such 
as near the poles, may turn even more green, due 
to warmer temperatures creating larger blooms of 
more diverse phytoplankton.

THE MISSING PAGE

Real Life Tips from LIfe's Instruction Manual


WANT MORE LOVE? LISTEN UP

February is the shortest 
month of the year, but it’s 
also the one that reminds 
us to love. Valentine’s 
Day set smack in the 
middle of the month. 
Many people think of 
Valentine’s Day as a 
Hallmark, commercial 
creation, but it has an 
ancient origin from early Roman calendars celebrating 
marriage and fertility. 

 Don’t squeeze your notion of love into a tiny box though. 
Love is far more expansive than just romance. When we 
think of living a full life, our all of our relationships have 
to be considered. When Jesus said that the most important 
commandment was to love.

 The most famous chapter in the bible is known as the 
Love Chapter. In 1st Corinthians 13, in the first line of 
chapter 14 combined to tell us the whole meaning of life. 
The writer says, “I may speak in the tongues of men or 
of angels, but if I am without love, I’m a noisy gong or a 
clanging cymbal. I may have the gift of prophesy and know 
every hidden truth. I may even have faith strong enough to 
move mountains, but if I have no love, then none the better. 
I may dole out all I possess, even give my body to be burnt, 
but if I have no love, I am nothing.”

 “Love is patient and kind and envies no one. Love is 
never boastful, or conceited or rude. Love is not quick 
to take offense. Love keeps no score of wrongs. There is 
nothing love cannot face. There is no limit to its faith, its 
hope, its endurance. In a word, there are three things that 
last forever, faith, hope, and love. The greatest of them all is 
love. Put love first.”

Love is everything!

 You want to welcome more love to your life, but how?

 Improving your communication will transform your 
relationships and your life. This week practice being a good 
listener.

 Give the gift of yourself by listening. People feel deeply 
loved when they are heard and understood. Listening can 
be a place of connection. Most of us have not been trained 
well in listening. We’re are often thinking of a response 
while the other person is talking. This week try to turn up 
your authentic listening even with the people you think you 
know best.

 This week practice being a good listener and watch more 
love bloom for you.

 

 Lori Harris is a Life Mastery Consultant and coach. 
She helps her clients gain clarity and achieve the life 
transformations they desire in health, relationships, creativity, 
and vocation. Learn more about her at LoriAHarris.com or 
on her free app Gratitude Train app, an electronic journal, 
available in the App Store and Google Play.

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