Mountain Views News, Combined Edition Saturday, March 16, 2019

B4

OPINION

Mountain Views-News Saturday, March 16, 2019 


TOM PURCELL

IRISH STEREOTYPES 
NO JOKING MATTER

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Ah, St. 
Patrick’s Day 
is upon us - 
which means 
it’s time for 
retailers, 
and too 
many other 
Americans, 
to perpetuate 
the “drunken 
Irishman” stereotype.

Here’s what three typical St. Patrick’s 
Day T-shirts available at Amazon.com 
say:

“Half Irish, Half Drunk”

“Irish Today, Hungover Tomorrow”

“I’m So Irish, I Bleed Whiskey”

IrishCentral reports there are more 
than 1,000 items on Amazon that 
“perpetuate the offensive defaming 
stereotype of conflating being Irish 
with drunk.”

The Ancient Order of Hibernians, 
America’s oldest and largest Irish-
Catholic organization, takes issue 
with that.

Amazon recently removed items 
considered offensive to Muslims - 
an action that AOH praises - but 
has ignored repeated AOH requests 
to remove items that denigrate 
Irish-Americans. 

This is rife with irony, because few 
enjoy a good joke or self-deprecating 
barb as much as the Irish - and 
goodness knows we all could benefit 
from a better sense of humor in these 
angry and divided times.

My father, whose grandfather came 
over from Ireland, and my Uncle 
Mike, whose mother was born in 
Ireland, loved sitting on the back 
porch on Sunday afternoons swapping 
Irish jokes, such as this one that my 
father particularly enjoys:

A German spy sent to Ireland during 
World War II is instructed to meet an 
Irish spy named Murphy and confirm 
Murphy’s identity by saying, “The 
weather could change by Tuesday.”

After the German parachutes into 
Ireland, he sets off for town. Along the 
way, he asks a farmer where to find a 
man named Murphy.

“Well, sir, it all depends on which 
Murphy,” says the farmer. “We have 
Murphy the doctor, Murphy the postal 
carrier, Murphy the stonemason and 
Murphy the teacher. As a matter of 
fact, I, too, am Murphy, Murphy the 
farmer.”

The German gets an idea.

“The weather could change by 
Tuesday,” he says.

“Aye,” says the farmer, “you’ll be 
wanting Murphy the spy.”

In any event, when does an attempt at 
humor cross the line into boorishness 
and offensive stereotype? Are these 
three Amazon T-shirt sayings in any 
way humorous, or merely rude?

“Kiss Me, I’m Irish, or Drunk or 
Whatever” 

“Irish I Were Drunk” 

“Today’s a Good Day to Get Drunk”

The first St. Patrick’s Day parade 
was held in Boston in 1737 for Irish 
immigrants to celebrate their heritage. 
Today, St. Patrick’s Day is widely 
celebrated, in part to recognize the 
many contributions the Irish have 
made to American culture. 

But coarse T-shirt sayings and the 
propensity to drink excessively are no 
joking matters - nor do they reflect 
one of the greatest Irish contributions 
to American culture, a mighty sense of 
humor. 

To be sure, with the world in such a 
tizzy - with so many people ready to 
shout, argue and poke each other in 
the eye - I can’t think of a better time 
to embrace Irish gaiety.

Which reminds me of the time St. 
Patrick walked into an Irish pub. 

Donovan, McNalley and Finnegan 
saw him and each bought him a pint. 
Before leaving, St. Patrick shook 
Donovan’s hand. Donovan said, “My 
arthritis! St. Patrick, your touch has 
cured it!” 

St. Patrick shook McNalley’s hand, 
and McNalley said, “My blind right 
eye! St. Patrick, you’ve cured it!” 

St. Patrick went to shake Finnegan’s 
hand. Finnegan shouted, “Get away 
from me, St. Patrick. I’m on disability!”

Tom Purcell, , is a Pittsburgh Tribune 
columnist.


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LEFT TURN/RIGHT TURN

JOHN L. MICEK

MICHAEL REAGAN

NOTHING PRO-FAMILY ABOUT 

INFLUENTIAL CONSERVATIVE COUNCIL

The conservative Family Research Council is out with its latest 
congressional scorecard. Shock-ing no one, it’s yet another reminder 
that the conservative organization’s overwhelming interest 
in promoting families extends little further than a woman’s womb.

Four out of the five grades awarded by the Washington, D.C.-
based lobbying group on its House scorecard for the last session 
of Congress deal either with attempts to restrict abortion rights or 
efforts to promote the interests of “unborn children.”

The other deals with a push to strip Washington D.C. residents of their healthcare, 
leaving the “family” in “Family Research Council” ringing more than a little hollow.

The Senate scorecard deals with the same issues, and ladles on grades for lawmakers’ 
support for Trump White House cabinet and judicial nominees.

Wielding an outsized influence compared to its spending, the council recently asked 
its members to pray against any effort to impeach President Donald Trump. It’s been 
tagged as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center for its efforts to “[defame] 
gays and lesbians. It has force-fully pushed back against that label. Despite that, a good 
grade from the Christian and evangeli-cal council is a badge of honor for conservatives. 

Among other things, lawmakers were graded on their support for the controversial 
“Born-Alive Abortion Survivors Protection Act,” which penalizes health care providers 
who don’t provide medical care to babies who are born alive after an attempted 
abortion.

By the way, it’s already illegal to kill an infant.

The bill’s supporters have incorrectly - and horrifyingly - cast opponents as supporting 
infanti-cide, committing an extreme injustice against (and ridiculously oversimplifying) 
a hugely compli-cated, sensitive, and deeply personal issue.

The council also rewarded House and Senate lawmakers who courageously supported 
an at-tempt kill Washington, D.C.’s version of the Affordable Care Act. Because what 
could be more pro-family than denying people healthcare, right? Fortunately, the preposterous 
action committed by the Republican-controlled House was blocked by the 
Senate last year. 

In the Senate, lawmakers won laurels for voting to confirm conservative federal judges, 
Trump cabinet appointees, and, of course, U.S. Supreme Court Justice Brett M. Kavanaugh. 
They were also rewarded for voting in favor, naturally, of measures to restrict 
abortion rights.

The Family Research Council also graded senators on their support for defunding 
Planned Parenthood, which provides critical reproductive and women’s health services 
to mostly low-income and minority women who would not be able to afford them 
otherwise. That has less to do with promoting families and more with trying to drive a 
stake through a group that’s the bete noire of the right.

And that’s what so markedly absent from the Family Research Council’s report card - 
any interest at all in helping women, children, and families after a child is born.

Efforts to increase the federal minimum wage to as much as $15 an hour? You won’t 
find that on the report card. Medicare for all? Or even efforts to rein in healthcare costs 
and expand cover-age? That’s nowhere to be found on the report card either.

How about college affordability? Nary a word. School safety? Universal background 
checks? How about bans on assault weapons, expanded magazines, bump stocks, or 
any of the other machinery of mass murder that are regularly employed to mow down 
children and adults?

You won’t find that on the scorecard either.

Of course, the group can only grade the Republican-controlled Congress of 2018 on 
the bills it brought to a vote. And the Congressional GOP’s abject failure to address any 
of those issues while it had a lock on the White House and both chambers of the U.S. 
Capitol is an inexcusable mark of shame.

Yes, it’s true that conservatives support less expensive healthcare, safer schools, and 
afforda-ble higher education with as much ardor as those on the left - they just disagree 
on the best way to go about that.

But the Family Research Council’s report card is much more than a grading document. 
It’s also a statement of principles that shouts: “These are the issues that we consider 
important. ”

And most of them begin and end at efforts to control a woman’s womb. After that, 
they’re ap-parently on their own.

There’s nothing pro-family about that at all.

THE CHEATING PARENTS OF 
CALIFORNIA


The massive college admissions scam - 
where rich and famous people in California 
are being charged with cheating 
and paying bribes to get their kids into 
top colleges - is only the tip of what is 
said to be a really dirty iceberg.

And so far, President Trump is not being 
blamed for it by CNN.

But the admissions scandal tells us 
a lot about what’s wrong with some 
of today’s “elite” parents - and their 
spoiled kids.

Many wealthy moms, dads and partners 
think that unless their kids are 
accepted to a top school like Yale, 
Stanford or the University of Southern 
California, their kids will turn out to 
be losers or pieces of dirt.

They often pressure their kids: “You’ve 
got to go to college - and you have to 
go to this college.”

The rich parents and TV stars being 
charged so far in the admissions scam 
apparently went the extra mile to make 
sure their kids got into the best school: 
they cheated their fat wallets off.

Dozens of parents paid between 
$15,000 and $75,000 to hire a college 
admissions prep company run by a 
crook who arranged for someone to 
take the college boards for their dumb 
kids.

Other parents paid huge sums that 
were used to bribe coaches at nine top 
schools to accept their kids as recruits 
to their athletic teams despite their 
nonexistent credentials.

Here in La-La Land, the actress Lori 
Loughlin, who played Aunt Becky on 
“Full House,” and her husband allegedly 
agreed to pay bribes totaling 
$500,000 to have their two daughters 
designated as recruits to the University 
of Southern California crew team.

For good measure, they sent in photos 
of the girls sitting on rowing machines. 
Trouble was, the only boat the 
kids were actually qualified to be on 
was the family yacht.

What the cheating parents of California 
did was not just criminal. It was 
also stupid parenting.

Buying their kids spots at Yale or USC 
might make sense if the kids already 
are geniuses, super talented in a sport 
or know exactly what they want to be 
in life – a computer software engineer, 
a neurosurgeon, a rocket scientist.

But in the vast number of cases, where 
18-year-olds have no clue why they 
are going off to college, it wouldn’t 
matter what school their parents sent 
them to.

It’s not the 
“YALE” on junior’s 
jacket or 
the “USC” on 
missy’s sweatshirt that is going to determine 
how their lives turn out.

It’s about who the kid is inside. And 
what he or she is going to become in 
life depends on how well they were 
raised and if they do the right things 
in college.

If they study, if they learn, if they are 
serious, if they don’t blow their own or 
their parents’ money by taking Mickey 
Mouse courses, they can get whatever 
they’ll need for a successful start in 
life at a smaller private college like 
Creighton or a giant university like 
Arizona State.

You never know, some kid could 
study economics at some tiny private, 
non-profit Christian liberal arts college 
in Illinois and become president 
someday.

Which is what my father did.

He studied at Eureka College, then 
read books and kept learning his entire 
life.

He didn’t have to go to Harvard or 
Yale with the Bushes, Kennedys and 
Clintons to become a success because 
his success was all about himself and 
his character.

Speaking of character, those substandard 
rich kids who benefited from the 
admissions scam are as guilty as their 
cheating parents. Not legally, obviously, 
but morally.

They received stolen goods – prestigious 
college educations that otherwise 
would have gone to others who 
were academically or athletically 
qualified. 

To say they didn’t know what was going 
on is idiotic. They were silent partners 
in their parents’ crimes.

And getting tossed out of their schools 
ASAP, which they deserve, might actually 
teach them an important lesson 
about right and wrong that their 
cheating parents never could.

-

 Michael Reagan is the son of President 
Ronald Reagan, a political consultant, 
and the author of “Lessons My Father 
Taught Me: The Strength, Integrity, 
and Faith of Ronald Reagan.” 

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