Mountain Views News          Saturday, May 7, 2016

ILL

14

OPINION 

 Mountain Views News Saturday, May 7, 2016 

TOM Purcell

 RAGING MODERATE by WILL Durst 

Mountain 
Views

News

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Susan Henderson

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Dean Lee 

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Joan Schmidt

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LaQuetta Shamblee

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Richard Garcia

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CONTRIBUTORS

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Howard Hays

Paul Carpenter

Kim Clymer-Kelley

Christopher Nyerges

Peter Dills 

Dr. Tina Paul

Rich Johnson

Merri Jill Finstrom

Lori Koop

Rev. James Snyder

Tina Paul

Mary Carney

Katie Hopkins

Deanne Davis

Despina Arouzman

Greg Welborn

Renee Quenell

Ben Show

Sean Kayden

Marc Garlett

Pat Birdsall (retired)


OUR GROWING RUDENESS 
AND INCIVILITY

LUCIFER IN THE HOUSE

One of the oddest moments in a presidential campaign 
filled brim-spillingly with them is the sight of the 
Republican Party struggling to rally around the man 
looking more and more like its presumptive nominee, 
Donald J. Trump. Perhaps “rally” is too strong of a 
word. More of a depressed dawdle. A lackluster loiter. 
Melancholy mosey. Crematory crawl.

 The party is exhibiting all the enthusiasm of a 
condemned man walking barefoot to the gallows up 13 
steps of broken glass. Like an eight-year old forced to rip a switch off a birch 
tree prior to a paternal spanking. A film critic trudging through the lobby of a 
multiplex for a preview of the next Transformers movie.

 It’s a shame that Elizabeth Kubler-Ross died a decade ago, and can’t witness 
all five of her “Stages of Grief” being spun out at the same time. Depending on 
where you look, the GOP can be seen going through denial, anger, bargaining, 
depression and a reluctant acceptance. She could even update her classic with 
new stages: dejection, mortification, suicidal gloom, self-immolation and eye 
gouging panic.

 Politicos traditionally resist change, but the way party regulars are dragging 
their feet on the path to partner with Trump you’d swear they were wearing 
cement galoshes. Encased in lead. Dragging super-gravity anvils. There’s no 
jumping onto this bleak bandwagon. More like slithering on surreptitiously from 
the shadows praying that friends and family aren’t paying attention.

 A large faction of Republicans still cling to the desperate hope the New York 
businessman can be denied the nomination, but in order to do so, different 
factions need to combine forces. The problem is they don’t get along. It’s a classic 
example of the hyena and lion planning to take down the elephant, but becoming 
way too occupied trying to eat each other. From Aesop. 

 Ted Cruz and John Kasich’s campaigns reached a tentative agreement to clear 
their prospective lanes in Indiana and Oregon, but that non-aggression pact had 
a shorter life than a box of cupcakes in a pre- school, day-care center after a five-
mile hike. Snowflakes in hell last longer.

 To double down on the fires of perdition analogy, former Speaker of the House, 
John Boehner, called Cruz “Lucifer in the flesh.” Which led another Republican 
Congressman, Peter King of New York, to argue the comparison was unfair to 
Lucifer. “Wave your hands in the air like you just don’t care. Lucifer in the house.” 
Or rather, the Senate.

 Ignoring the insults, Ted Cruz attempted to shake things up by presumptively 
choosing a running mate, which is 
similar to a sophomore journalism 
student picking Adele to sing the 
theme song of their future prime time 
network television interview show.

 The move seemed designed to match 
Trump’s failed businessman card and 
raise him a failed woman card. But 
alas, to say that Carly Fiorina’s slot on 
the ticket didn’t create a lot of buzz 
is like saying there weren’t a lot of 
sequined pajamas at the White House 
Correspondents Dinner.

 To their credit though, you have to 
admit that both Ted Cruz and Donald 
Trump do incite passion. Then again, 
so does flesh eating bacteria. With 
Trump, people either love him or 
hate him. Whereas with Cruz, the 
differences narrow to either hate or an 
intense dislike.

 Will Durst is an award-winning, 
nationally acclaimed columnist, 
comedian and former Pizza Hut 
assistant manager. 

 “Sticks and stones may break my bones, 
and people sure are rude these days.” 

 “Ah, yes, you speak of a recent survey by 
The Associated Press-NORC Center for 
Public Affairs Research. It finds that ‘74 
percent of Americans think manners and 
behavior have deteriorated in the United 
States over the past several decades.’” 

 “You got that right. I was at the movie 
theater talking to one of my pals on my 
cellphone and some elderly jerk behind 
me asked me to stop.” 

 “Sorry, but the study finds that 
people generally think such behavior is 
unacceptable. However, there is an age 
divide. People between 18 and 29 think 
it is fine to use cellphones in restaurants 
whereas only 22 percent of people over 
the age of 60 think it is acceptable.” 

 “Who doesn’t like to talk on his cell 
while chomping on food? Those old 
fogies should get with the times!” 

 “The study also finds that most people 
still think it is unacceptable to swear in 
public. However, 34 percent admit using 
profanity in public now and then. And 
25 percent of Americans admit using the 
granddaddy profanity of them all — a 
10-point increase since a similar survey 
was conducted by the AP in 2006.” 

 “Daily use of that word? In these nutty 
times, I use it by the hour!” 

 “Some 80 percent of Americans agree 
that remarks or jokes based on race, 
gender or sexuality are inappropriate. 
Only a small percentage of those 
surveyed admitted to 
telling such remarks 
or jokes.” 

 “Ah, come on, 
what’s the harm in 
poking fun at the 
target of your choice? 
That reminds me of the one about the 
dim-witted wolf (here the joke teller can 
attribute to the wolf the characteristics of 
the person he wishes to mock) who got 
his leg caught in a trap. He chewed off 
three legs and was still caught in the trap.” 

 “Nearly 70 percent of Americans agree 
that our political campaigns are ‘outdoing 
the public in levels of rudeness’ during 
this election cycle.” 

 “What a bunch of crybabies. Hey, the 
economy is tough, finding a job is tough, 
paying bills is tough. Doesn’t it make 
sense that our politicians might be less 
polite now than in the past because things 
are so tough for so many people?” 

 “Fair enough, but 80 percent of 
Americans think political leaders should 
be held to a higher standard of behavior 
than other people.” 

 “A higher standard than everyday Joes 
like me? If I ever carried on like many 
of our political leaders — if I spent like 
a drunken sailor and told mistruths 
through my teeth — the wife would kick 
me out to the curb faster than you can say 
‘nonsense!’” 

 “Whatever the case, lots more people 
think the Republican nomination process 
has been ‘mostly rude and disrespectful.’ 
Nearly 80 percent of Republicans ‘regard 
their party’s process to determine a 
nominee for president as ill mannered.’” 

 “You got to admit that Donald Trump 
has come up with some great zingers 
when mocking his opponents.” 

 “On the other side, however, only 16 
percent of Americans think the ‘Democrat 
candidates for president are mostly rude 
and disrespectful.’” 

 “Maybe that’s because it’s hard to be 
rude when you’re that boring!” 

 “Look, civility and good manners are 
important to society. According to Judith 
Martin, Miss Manners, good manners are 
the philosophical basis of civilization. 
Mannerliness is a common language of 
civil behavior that restrains our impulses 
and makes for a more pleasant and well-
functioning country.” 

 “Well, maybe if we get the economy 
well-functioning again, our people and 
politicians won’t be so rude!” 

 


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LEFT TURN/RIGHT TURN 

HOWARD Hays As I See It

 Making Sense by MICHAEL Reagan


“To all those lawmakers 
out there who are so 
obsessed with who’s 
using what bathroom 
and what plumbing 
they’ve got downtown 
— newsflash: You’re the 
weirdos.”

- Stephen Colbert

In the seven years I’ve 
been writing this column, 
I’ve covered a number of 
topics – and I appreciate Susan’s having given 
me free reign in placing no limits on the scope of 
topics deemed appropriate. I don’t think she ever 
would have anticipated, though, my devoting a 
column to the subject of going to the bathroom.

 I visit the bathroom about as often as most 
people do. I also find it a nice place to read a 
newspaper article or work on a crossword puzzle.

 As for whether I’ve ever shared a public 
restroom with a transgendered person, my 
answer would be – probably. The honest answer 
to that question for most people would be - 
probably. We don’t know for sure. Besides, we 
use public restrooms for reasons other than to 
show off, or look for, whatever evidence might 
answer that question one way or the other.

 In enacting voter suppression laws, Republicans 
rationalize them as a means of combatting the 
problem of voter fraud - a problem that doesn’t 
exist. Though some have admitted their purpose 
is to suppress votes of those tending to lean 
Democratic, the official line is that they instead 
are some solution to a non-existent problem.

 In a number of states in the South and 
Midwest, there have been efforts to combat 
another “problem” that doesn’t exist – the threat 
to the public at large should transgendered 
people be allowed to use whatever restroom they 
feel comfortable in. With “voter fraud”, it’s easy 
to see the purpose behind the actions. With the 
promotion of this bathroom hysteria, however, 
it’s harder to tell what’s behind it. Perhaps now 
that bigotry against gays (even under the guise of 
“religious freedom”) is becoming unacceptable 
most everywhere, there has to be a new group of 
people to be afraid of and creeped-out by. When 
a politician or party has no positive message to 
offer, the tried-and-true alternative is to promote 
some diversionary fear of whatever minority 
group might serve the purpose.

 This particular crusade can be traced back 
to our nation’s fourth-largest city passing its 
Houston Equal Rights Ordinance in 2014; 
banning discrimination in employment, 
housing, city services, public accommodations, 
etc. based on race, sex, religion, disability and 
other factors including “gender identity”. Many 
Texans resisted this attempt to curtail their right 
to discriminate, and filed a lawsuit to have the 
ordinance either repealed or subject to a popular 
vote.

 Standing for the right to discriminate wouldn’t 
be much of a campaign slogan, so to fire up the 
base opponents somehow managed to transform 
it into an issue of creepy guys following wives 
and daughters into the ladies’ room. “No one’s 
rights should be subject to a popular vote”, 
argued Houston Mayor Annise Parker (D); but 
they were – with voters overturning the non-
discrimination ordinance late last year.

 In February, the city of Charlotte passed its own 
anti-discrimination ordinance. The Republican 
North Carolina legislature responded the next 
month by not only nullifying the Charlotte law, 
but prohibiting other localities with similar ideas 
from enacting their own protections against 
discrimination. The legislation also requires that 
the restroom one uses must match the gender 
identified on one’s birth certificate – a document 
that transgendered people should presumably 
now have with them whenever anticipating they 
might have to go when not at home.

 A week ago, the town of Oxford, Alabama 
made visiting a public restroom other than one 
designated for one’s original gender a crime - 
punishable by up to six months in prison.

 In Kansas, its Republican legislature not 
only banned students in public schools and 
universities from using restrooms not matching 
their birth gender, but offers a $2,500 bounty 
to students, to be paid by the school, for each 
and every time they catch someone doing so. 
This is in addition to “monetary damages for 
all psychological, emotional and physical harm 
suffered as a result”.

 The move in Kansas followed Target’s 
announcement that its customers would be 
welcome to use whatever “restroom or fitting 
room that corresponds to their gender identity.” 
That announcement really brought out the 
weirdos. Customers simply doing their shopping 
in Target stores throughout the country were 
creeped-out by loud, in-your-face warnings of 
the depraved danger that now lurks in the store’s 
restrooms. A spokesperson for the American 
Family Association told an interviewer they were 
deliberately sending men into ladies’ rooms at 
Target stores to “test” their “barrier”.

 Now, the Obama Administration has gotten 
involved. A few days ago, the U.S. Dept. of Justice 
sent North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory (R) a 
letter stating that since their “bathroom bill” 
violates Titles VII and IX of the 1964 Civil Rights 
Act, if it stays on the books the state risks losing 
over $800 million in education funding.

Before all this came down, there hadn’t been 
any laws on the books specifying who could use 
which bathroom in the first place. For whatever 
reason, folks were somehow able to figure out for 
themselves where to go when they had to go – 
and things seemed to work out just fine.

This is not to say there haven’t been problems. 
There was John Hinson of Mississippi, arrested in 
1981 for performing an illicit act in the restroom 
of a public building. Bob Allen of Florida was 
arrested in 2007 for soliciting in the restroom of a 
public park, as was Larry Craig of Idaho the same 
year for soliciting in an airport restroom.

All three were Republican congressmen. One 
shouldn’t judge an entire group by these actions, 
but the number is still three more than the total 
number of transgendered people reported 
arrested for similar acts in public restrooms. And, 
it raises again the question as to who, indeed, are 
the real “weirdos”.

LOTS OF LUCK, 

DONALD TRUMP

Now comes the hard part. 

 Now comes the part where Donald 
Trump has to appeal to everyone in the 
U.S.

 Trump will rack up lots of easy votes 
in the fall with his rabid fan base – older 
grumpy white males and their spouses 
who want change but don’t really know 
or care if Trump is a Republican or a 
Democrat. 

 But voters who want to make America 
great again by being mean to Latinos or 
by putting tariffs on air-conditioners and 
iPhones won’t add up to a majority.

 If he wants to become president, 
Trump has to mend a lot of fences, say 
a lot of mea culpas and learn a bunch of 
important political and economic things. 

Like manners. Like humility. Like 
gravitas. 

 And like making nice with the 
Bush/Cruz/Kasich conservatives he’s 
been insulting and demeaning with 
sophomoric cheap shots for the last year.

The presumptive Republican nominee 
should start his political fence-repair 
work by trying to win over a few million 
women voters. 

 It won’t be easy. Three-fourths of 
women think he’s a piece of dirt and 
wouldn’t vote for him if he was married 
to Hillary. 

 I don’t know what it’ll take, or even if 
it’s possible, but somehow Trump has to 
prove that deep down he is not the sexist 
boor he’s been playing on TV. 

 I know one thing he should not do – 
attack Hillary for enabling her lecherous 
husband Bill and attacking the women 
who say they were accosted by him.

 That didn’t work in the 1990s. All it 
did was make independent women vote 
for Hillary or stay home.

 Trump’s long march to victory over 
the Republican political establishment 
has been an amazing thing to watch – 
kind of like a TV miniseries where the 
bad guy never gets taken down in the end 
by the good guys.

 For a year he’s made fools of the 
media pundits and mincemeat of the 
professional politicians of his party. 

 He’s the un-politician who broke all 
the rules of the primary game and won. 
That’s a big reason he got so many votes 
in so many states. 

 We wanted a Washington outsider. 
What we got was a salesman. He did and 
said whatever he had to do to make the 
sale to the Republican electorate. 

 As I tweeted earlier this week, the 
GOP is no longer the Party of Reagan, 
it’s the Party of 
Trump.

 Where he takes 
Republicans from 
here is anyone’s 
guess, but it’s probably going to be one 
of the wilder political rides in modern 
American history. 

 If America gets lucky, Trump will 
hit his head on a tree limb and when 
he wakes up he’ll be a real conservative 
who runs on a platform of slashing 
government spending and abolishing the 
IRS.

 Or maybe he’ll hire some economists 
who can teach him why tariffs are bad for 
America because they punish consumers 
and not corporations.

 Or maybe someone will explain to 
him why building a 300-foot wall on 
the Mexican border and rounding up 
11 million illegal immigrants is not how 
a free – and great -- country should do 
immigration reform.

 Trump will need everybody he can get 
to defeat Hillary. 

 Who he picks for vice president will 
be interesting, but it won’t really matter 
because we know people don’t vote for 
a president because they like the VP 
choice.

 It could be Rubio or Kasich, because 
that would help him in Florida and Ohio. 
It could be a Latina woman like Nevada 
Governor Susana Martinez.

 Or, knowing Trump, he might go 
outside the box and name one of his 
business partners we’ve never heard of. 
No one knows where he’s going to go 
until he goes there.

 There is one thing I know for sure. If 
Trump becomes president he won’t be 
able to treat the members of the G-7 or 
the G-20 the same way he treated the 
GOP 17.

——-

 Copyright ©2016 Michael Reagan. 
Michael Reagan is the son of President 
Ronald Reagan, a political consultant, 
and the author of “The New Reagan 
Revolution” (St. Martin’s Press). He 
is the founder of the email service 
reagan.com and president of The 
Reagan Legacy Foundation. Visit his 
websites at www.reagan.com and www.
michaelereagan.com. Send comments to 
Reagan@caglecartoons.com. Follow @
reaganworld on Twitter. 

 Mike’s column is distributed 
exclusively by Cagle Cartoons newspaper 
syndicate. For info on using columns 
contact Sales at sales@cagle.com.

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