Mountain Views News          Saturday, August 13, 2016

B4

OPINION

Mountain 
Views

News

PUBLISHER/ EDITOR

Susan Henderson

CITY EDITOR

Dean Lee 

EAST VALLEY EDITOR

Joan Schmidt

BUSINESS EDITOR

LaQuetta Shamblee

PRODUCTION

Richard Garcia

SALES

Patricia Colonello

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WEBMASTER

John Aveny 

CONTRIBUTORS

Chris Leclerc

Bob Eklund

Howard Hays

Paul Carpenter

Kim Clymer-Kelley

Christopher Nyerges

Peter Dills 

Joe Frontino

Rich Johnson

Merri Jill Finstrom

Lori Koop

Rev. James Snyder

Dr. Tina Paul

Mary Carney

Katie Hopkins

Deanne Davis

Despina Arouzman

Greg Welborn

Renee Quenell

Ben Show

Sean Kayden

Marc Garlett

A COMATOSE MAN WAKES TO 
THE 2016 ELECTION

“Where am I?” asked the man from his hospital bed. 

“You were in a freak accident,” said the doctor. “You’ve been 
comatose since 1986.” “Since 1986?” said the patient. “That’s 
30 years!” 

“It surely is,” said the doctor. “What is the last thing you can 
remember?” “I remember the speech President Reagan gave 
after the Challenger disaster,” said the patient. “I remember 
how united the country was after the speech.” 

“Well, a lot has changed since then,” said the doctor. “For 
the sake of your health, it’s best that we ease you into the events of 2016 slowly.” 
“Come on, Doc, lay it on me. Who is president now?” “President Barack Obama, 
America’s first black president.” “That is awesome,” said the patient. “I am so 
proud my country made such progress while I slept. Has President Obama got our 
country more unified than ever?” “He’s unified half of the country,” said the doctor. 
“The other half, not so much.” 

“Who’s running for president this year?” “Oh, where to start?” said the doctor. 
“Well, the Democrats have nominated America’s first female presidential candidate, 
Hillary Clinton.” “Holy cow, that is amazing,” said the patient. “Before I went into 
a coma, women had to marry successful men to be successful themselves. Hillary 
Clinton is a woman who rose to her station through her own accomplishments and 
her own name recognition?” “It’s best I answer that question when you are a little 
stronger,” said the doctor. 

“With all the progress that has been accomplished during my coma, have the 
Republicans nominated a female presidential candidate, too?” asked the patient. 
“No, they nominated real-estate magnate Donald Trump, who keeps promising to 
make America great again,” said the doctor. “Donald Trump, the junk-bond casino 
developer, who used to boast about his wealth on Oprah?” “The one and only,” said 
the doctor. 

“But if America is so unified and has moved forward so much during my slumber, 
why would Americans want someone like Trump to be president?” 

“Oh, where to start?” said the doctor. “Look, I’m sorry to say, but the country is 
suffering severe disunity at the moment. The economy is stagnant, entitlement costs 
are about to sore and our country has more than $20 trillion in debt.” 

“Did you say trillion with a ‘T’?” asked the patient. 

“Regrettably,” said the doctor. “Many people are struggling to find work. Others 
worry about the country their children and grandchildren will inherit. Others have 
the sense that nobody is in charge of the country, that we are in an era of irreversible 
decline, both economically and morally. This paves the way for a populist, such as 
Trump, who is able to connect with common folks and convince them he is on their 
side.” 

“If Trump is a common man, I’ll eat my own head,” said the patient. “What else 
awaits me outside the hospital doors?” 

“Well, terrorism is on the ascent, as radical fundamentalist religious sects wreak 
havoc in the Middle East, across Europe and even here in America,” said the doctor. 
“At home, there is growing racial discord that is making everyone sad. There is a 
sense among many that on the large issues of our time, we are headed backward 
rather than forward.” 

“Let me get this right,” said the patient. “Despite all the progress America made 
while I was under, the economy is a mess, global stability is faltering, the country is 
woefully divided and a junk-bond casino king might ride populism all the way to 
the White House?” 

“That’s right,” said the doctor. “Any other questions or requests?” 

“Just one,” said the patient. “Induce me back into a coma!” 

Tom Purcell, author of “Misadventures of a 1970’s Childhood” and “Wicked Is the 
Whiskey,” a Sean McClanahan mystery novel, both available at Amazon.com, is a 
Pittsburgh Tribune-Review humor columnist.

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

TOM Purcell


THE PRESIDENTIAL PLATFORM 

I’D LIKE TO HEAR 

By Jan Gratton Wright 

 As a teacher, I see how important it is to have a holistic approach in education. You 
must consider the whole student: mind, body, and spirit. Educators are constantly 
analyzing lesson plans in order to be sure they are meeting not only the cognitive 
goals, but also fostering growth for the rest of the student, such as their social-
emotional-physical development. A presidential platform is also a holistic plan that 
must consider all the needs of the country and its people: domestic and foreign, 
environment and economy, sustainability and practicality. Someday, I hope I will 
hear a candidate’s platform that is complete as well as realistic. Here are some talking 
points I would like to hear considered: 

 A: Alternative Energy/Green Infrastructure. From architects to engineers to 
contractors and beyond, I want to hear about diversifying/redesigning the way we do 
things, from how homes are built to how we travel to how we live our daily lives. We 
need a sustainable plan, one that balances our environment, culture, and industry, 
and will meet the needs of a 21-century world. 

 M: Military. Our military must be professional and share in a common vision to 
protect our borders and people while holding to a higher standard. Dignity, honor, 
respect, and competence should be words used to describe American troops and 
methods, whether they are providing humanitarian relief or fighting terrorism. 

 E: Education: Arts and Science, Literacy and Math. From Pre K through college, 
education should be available to all. It should be affordable, relevant, and of the 
highest quality. Student loans should not be the obstacle they are today. 

 R: Reform. So many of our tax- funded programs need to be reformed because 
they are simply outdated. Welfare, prisons, health care, immigration, and programs 
for toddlers through retirement need to be restructured so we can turn expenses 
into resources. Policies are also in need of revision, or at least clarification, especially 
those protecting our privacy. 

 I: Invest in Americans - American jobs and American products. Our industries, 
from farming to manufacturing to information and all the others that are a part of 
our economy, must be ethical as well as profitable. Capitalism doesn’t have to be the 
evil some say it is. Systems aren’t evil, but how they are implemented can be. If we 
want our nation’s leaders to have integrity, then the same must be true about We the 
People, the employers and those we employ. 

 C: Community with Unity. When you think of stories whose theme is Good Vs. 
Evil, what do the Good Guys have in common? They are on the side that represents 
the best interests of the people: what is safe and true and respectful and just. This 
translates to people treating each other as they want to be treated themselves. It’s as 
simple as that. Ours is a pluralistic society, but the Golden Rule is that what unifies 
our diverse citizenry. 

 A: Abroad. We have to look past our borders at the global community and 
partner with our allies, negotiate but not compromise our values or safety, and work 
towards bringing about a global stability. We are still a superpower and have the 
responsibility of being a good steward of this planet and its peoples. 

 My list is not exhaustive nor does it flesh out a 4-year plan of action. But any issues 
not directly named can probably fit into one of the categories. The key is that this 
platform would take a different mindset than what’s being represented today. It’s one 
that values cooperation, sustainability, and adapting to an everchanging world with 
technology. Old policies/methods must be allowed to retire if they aren’t efficiently 
serving a necessary purpose anymore. We must be open to diversifying, setting new 
goals, having new standards, and redefining our measures for success. Sadly, I have 
not heard enough of this type of platform yet, especially with this mindset. Maybe, 
as my former students reach the voting age, they will bring about a change in what 
comprises a successful platform...I would love to share in their discussions and hear 
what talking points would make their list.

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LEFT TURN/RIGHT TURN

 
MAKING SENSE by Michael Reagan


TRUMP BLOWS HIMSELF UP AGAIN

Donald Trump didn’t listen.

Last week I said the only thing that could save his campaign was 
for him to literally shut up for at least a month.

My modest proposal was for his campaign people to lock him in 
a soundproof booth until November 9th.

But forget that. I’ve got a better idea to put the Trump circus 
train on the right track.

Trump’s support in the polls is stuck at about 42 percent.

To win, we know he has to get the votes of disaffected Republicans, terrified independents 
and people who don’t already believe Obama was born in a grass hut in 
Kenya. But to get their support by Election Day he has to do two things.

He has to stop saying stupid things in public and he has to give a hundred more 
speeches like the great one he delivered in Detroit on Monday.

Unfortunately, there’s just one way to prevent Trump from saying stupid things 
and it’s probably against federal election laws. His campaign people need to make 
him wear a shock collar – just like the ones you put on your family dog for those invisible 
backyard fences. That way, every time Donald strays from the teleprompter, 
Paul Manafort can just hit the button and give him a big jolt upside the neck.

“Although the Second Amendment people, maybe ….” – ZAAAPPPPP.

This week was a total disaster, but it began with a really good speech in Detroit. Of 
course someone else wrote it. Of course Trump read it.

But with a few exceptions his conservative economic ideas sounded like they came 
from the Wall Street Journal editorial page.

Trump said he’d cut income tax rates, increase individual exemptions, reduce the 
number of tax brackets from seven to three and slash the corporate tax rate to 15 
percent. He’d also end the death tax and the alternative minimum tax.

What Trump said in Detroit – especially the part about how the city has been 
wrecked by half a century of local Democratic rule and liberal federal social policies 
– should become his standard stump speech. He could read it almost word for 
word in city after city. All he’d have to do is change Detroit to Chicago, Toledo, St. 
Louis, etc. A speech like that is what it takes to win a general election, not another 
speech calling Hillary a liar or charging the Clinton family with pioneering the 
globalization of graft. 

Trump got great media coverage for his Detroit speech but it didn’t even last a day.

On Tuesday every liberal in the media was parsing his comments about “Second 
Amendment people” to prove he was encouraging the assassination of Hillary or 
joking about it. I’m surprised no one on CNN’s panel of liberals went to a blackboard 
and started to diagram Trump’s sentences.

But the media don’t really care what he actually says or meant to say. They’ll spin 
it whichever way they can so that Trump appears to be in favor of killing babies.

Trump blew himself up again, thanks to his own stupidity and lack of self-control.

Instead of getting a week of praise for a hard-hitting economic speech, he spent 
four days watching the print and electronic media gang up on him like he was 
America’s Vladimir Putin.

Instead of enjoying Hillary Clinton stumbling over answers to questions about her 
emails, or explaining why the Taliban-loving father of the Orlando mass murderer 
was her biggest supporter, Trump hogged the airtime.

He proved my point last week – just shut up, Donald.

It’s a shame. If any of the other 16 candidates had won the Republican primary this 
election would be over.

All Trump and his daily fumbles are doing now is opening the door wider and wider 
for the libertarian twins, ex-Republican governors Gary Johnson and Bill Weld.

At the end of the day, they may be the only adults in the room.

——-

Michael Reagan is the son of President Ronald Reagan, a political consultant, and 
the author of “The New Reagan Revolution” (St. Martin’s Press). He is the founder 
of the email service reagan.com and president of The Reagan Legacy Foundation. 
Visit his websites at www.reagan.com and www.michaelereagan.com. Send comments 
to Reagan@caglecartoons.com. Follow @reaganworld on Twitter. 


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