Mountain Views News, Combined Edition Saturday, November 12, 2022

Mountain Views-News Saturday, November 5, 2022 OPINIONOPINION 13 
Mountain Views-News Saturday, November 5, 2022 OPINIONOPINION 13 
MOUNTAIN 

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Susan Henderson 

PASADENA CITY 
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Dean Lee 

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CONTRIBUTORS 

Stuart Tolchin 
Audrey SwansonMeghan MalooleyMary Lou CaldwellKevin McGuire 
Chris Leclerc 
Bob Eklund 
Howard HaysPaul CarpenterKim Clymer-KelleyChristopher NyergesPeter Dills 
Rich Johnson 
Lori Ann Harris 
Rev. James SnyderKatie HopkinsDeanne Davis 
Despina ArouzmanJeff Brown 
Marc Garlett 
Keely TotenDan Golden 
Rebecca WrightHail Hamilton 
Joan Schmidt 
LaQuetta Shamblee 

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PUT THE LIGHTS ON

STUART TOLCHIN 
AWAITING ELECTION RESULTS - LIFE 
GOES ON 


One of my big questions is why I seem to have no secrets? A 
couple of days ago I was talking with an ex-neighbor who lives 
in Tennessee who explained to me that she is able to keep track 
of the minute by minute whereabouts of her daughter and three 
grandchildren who are in college, more or less, across the United 
States. There is some sort of telephone app that makes possible 
such a thing requiring the consent of everyone involved. In fact, 
my wife is able to track down the whereabouts of my wallet, which 
I am constantly forgetting somewhere, and I am happy that she, 
therefore, almost always knows where I am. 

Today, I mentioned to my son and daughter that I would like to have the ability to always 
know where they are. Together with my wife, they looked at me with horror. Absolutely 
not was their unanimous response. None of them wanted to have their minute by minute 
activities monitored by me or by anyone else. What am I missing? Why don’t I care about 
such a monitoring? In fact, I am relieved that my wife always knows where I am. In the back 
of my mind, not so far back, these days, I fear that I am going to pass out somewhere and I 
am glad to know that if necessary my wife can find me. 

For example, this morning my daughter was arguing a case in the appellate Court in 
Pasadena. I wanted to attend the hearing in person but my daughter asked me not to. She 
said she was certain to lose and that my presence would just bring more pressure upon her. 
Really I would like to have been there. I have very little to do and watching my daughter in 
action always makes me proud—win or lose. Anyway after viewing her matter through the 
magic of you tube which makes possible the live viewing of Federal Appellate Court Hearings 
provided that you have the right link. My daughter shared the link with my wife and, with 
here help we were magically able to view the actual live hearing on our computer. Additionally, 
I was able to share the link with a few friends and relatives in the United States and one 
old pal presently living in France. 

After the hearing in which my daughter displayed her usual excellence I checked in 
with a friend with whom I usually play golf on Wednesday. As the morning rain had stopped 
we decided to meet at the local golf course in 45 minutes. He lives about thirty minutes awayfrom the course. At the appointed time we met at the course and I checked in and was told 
that because of the rain no electric carts would be allowed on the course and if I wanted to 
play I would have to walk. An immediate dilemma! I have been playing that course for forty 
years and up until about my middle seventies I had walked the course using the hand pull 
cart. Not anymore! Earlier this year I had tried to walk the course without the electric cart 
and could not make it up the hill on the seventh hole. Nevertheless, I did not want to tell myfriend, who is a new friend that I met on the course in the last year that I would be unable to 
play after he had driven all the way to the course to meet me. It is no secret that I feel vulnerable 
and isolated. I was afraid that if I told him I could not play he would then be unwilling 
to meet with me in the future. 

So I made a decision and played and felt like I was going to die. By the last three 
holes I could barely make contact with the ball. My friend, who usually never stops talking, 
said little but simply walked ahead finding the balls I had misdirected all over the course. 
By the last hole he was so far ahead of me that I was certain he had left me to die on my own. 
But at the end, there he was, waiting to help me put my clubs in my car. Hooray for other 
people. 

This should be the end of the article but I want to tell you that the rest of the afternoon 
was wonderful. My wife and I met my son, daughter, and granddaughter for dinner. 
The sun was already setting displaying a gorgeous fall sunset together with an ominous but 
marvelous dark clouded sky. I waited in the parking lot for the rest of my family to arrive 
and then bursting out of the car after being assisted out of her car seat was my granddaughter. 
She wore a new sparkly black jacket that I had never seen and she ran towards me. I picked 
her up for a hug and really could not have been happier. 

Forget the elections. All right; I do have some secrets and it’s best to keep them that 
way. Life goes on and it’s always surprising. I do hope WE won the elections. 

TOM PURCELL 
LAUGHS TO EASE YOUR ELECTION PAIN 


This week half the country will be upset by the midterm election results 
and half will be elated. 

Regardless, politics is causing every one of us more stress than it ought to,
but, believe it or not, there is, hopefully, still some humor that we can all 
enjoy. 
Since Congress has a lower approval rating than polio, here are some fun 
lines to share: 

It’s so cold today, the congresswoman had her hands in her own pockets. 

The opposite of “pro” is “con,” so the opposite of progress is: Congress. 

Q: What did the corrupt congressman order for lunch on Election Day? A: Stuffed ballots. 
Here’s one of my favorite old congressperson jokes: 

A congressman is walking through D.C. when he is approached by a mugger with a gun. 

“Give me all your money,” says the mugger. 

“You can’t rob me,” says the congressman. “I’m an esteemed member of the U.S. Congress.” 

“Then give me all MY money!” says the mugger. 

Too often, people think the argument in Washington is between Republicans and Democrats, 
but it’s really between the voters and the politicians and our ever-growing government, 
as this joke illustrates well: 

Three contractors submit bids to fix a broken fence at the White House. 

Contractor one tells a White House official he can do it for $800. Contractor two says he can 
do it for $700. Contractor three says he can do it for $2,700. 

“How did you come up with such a high figure?” the official asks the third contractor? 

“Easy,” says contractor three. “You give me $2,700. I give you $1,000. I keep $1,000. Then we 
hire contractor two to fix the fence for $700!” 

We recently lost one of our greatest political humorists, P.J. O’Rourke, whose humor was 
filled with truth: 

“When buying and selling are controlled by legislation,” he said, “the first things to be 
bought and sold are legislators.” 

“There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please,” he said. “And 
with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.” 

“A little government and a little luck are necessary in life,” he said, “but only a fool trusts 
either of them.” 

I’ve long written about our rapidly growing government debt — I’ve documented its massive 
rise over the past decade — but nobody explained government waste better than O’Rourke: 

“It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money through inefficiency 
and sloth,” he said. “Enormous effort and elaborate planning are required to waste 
this much money.” 

Alas, though human imperfections abound in our government and electoral process, matters 
could be worse, as one Russian citizen notes: 

“Americans complain because it takes so long to get a definitive result from their elections,” 
he says. “In my country, we know our results months in advance!” 

The best we can do during election week is remember that there will be other elections. 
Let us hope and pray the candidates who win are the ones that offer our country the best 
solutions. 

In the meantime, the very best we can do is learn from the example of President JimmyCarter. 

Even though he only served one term, he left the White House with a tremendous sense of 
humor. 

“My esteem in our country has gone up substantially,” he said, upon leaving office. “It is 
very nice now when people wave at me, that they use all their fingers.” 

RICH & FAMOUS 

SHOULDN’T IT BE A 
DOG’S WORLD? 

Yes Mom, I know I ran this column 
last spring. But I feel compelled 
for purely cathartic reasons 
to repost it as a cleansing apparatus for all humanity. 


Particularly during an election season, my mind seeks desperately 
for the goodness in God’s creation. I find refuge and escape 
focusing on the creatures who truly deserve to reside at the 
apex of the food chain. 

Of course, I’m referring to the canine kingdom. If you look at a 
dog’s life you quickly discover that they: 

…live simply…are loyal…love generously…care deeply…speak kindly…when loved ones come home, they always run to greet them.
…never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride…allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in their face to 
be pure ecstasy…take naps…run, romp, and play daily…thrive on attention and let people touch them.
…avoid biting when a simple growl will do…on warm days stop to lie on their back in the grass…on hot days lie under a shady tree and drink lots of water…when happy dance around and wag their entire body…delight in the simple joy of a long walk…never pretend to be something they’re not…when someone is having a bad day, they are silent, sit close by 
and nuzzle gently. 

Some great quotes about dogs: 

If your dog is fat, you’re not getting enough exercise Unknown 

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird 
religious cult Rita Rudner 

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your 
face Ben Williams 

One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you’re feelingblue is that he doesn’t try to find out why. Unknown 

Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend Corey Ford 

Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails Max Eastman 

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at 
you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the 
window Steve Bluestone 

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I 
think that is how dogs spend their lives Sue Murphy 

On the other hand, cats actually believe they are stationed at the 
apex of God’s creation. 

Ahhh, I feel better now. You? 

Have a good week. Ruff! 


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