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OPINIONOPINION

 Mountain Views NewsSaturday, September 14, 2024

STUART TOLCHIN

RICH JOHNSON 

NOW THAT’S RICH

MOUNTAIN 
VIEWS

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Susan Henderson

PASADENA CITY 
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Dean Lee 

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LaQuetta Shamblee


PUT THE LIGHTS ON


TIMBRE! GETTING A GRIP ON THE UPCOMING 
ELECTION SEASON

(I recommend, for this week’s column, that you have a dictionary and 
thesaurus sitting next to you. Also, include three crayons: red, white and 
blue and blank paper.)

 Not sure whether this week’s article is simply a continuation of my skating the 
proverbial thin ice between lunacy and sagacity…(time to crack open the dictionary).

 Whether you are a Hatfield or McCoy, Democrat, Demogogue, Republican, 
Reprobate, Provocateur or simply a Prevaricator, we all tend to get drawn to the 
flame of a national election cycle. The word timbre refers to the quality given 
to a sound. Timber may also be appropriate in this column as you are probably 
reading this on parchment which comes from trees required to fall in the woods to 
transform into paper.

 Humor is a universal antidote for fear…gallows humor in particular. “If we can 
render absurd what scares us the most we can rise above most any situation.” These 
are not my words. Austrian neurologist Viktor Frankl referred to humor as one of 
the “soul’s weapons” to deal with pain. Dr. Frankl learned this lesson in German 
Concentration Camps. He is a real hero.

 Anyway, back to the pending elections. The following are a collection of political 
one liners, hopefully humorous and useable in these next several weeks. The 
only mistake you can make in this upcoming election is to not vote. So, for your 
consideration:

(Let me start with that paragon of virtue, Joseph Stalin} “The people who cast the 
votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything. (yikes)

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then 
misapplying the wrong remedies.”

“The consensus after the election is that 100% of Americans think 50% of 
Americans have lost their minds.”

“A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.”

“The best description of Democracy in action is three wolves and one sheep 
voting on what to have for supper.”

“Why do Americans choose from just two people for president and 50 people for 
Miss America?”

St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland. I wonder if he’s busy this November?”

“Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be 
changed regularly, and for the same reason.”

(13 year old Democrat quote): “Trump won’t get re-elected if we just stop fixing 
our grandparents’ WiFi.”

“My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.”

“Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!”

“I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it’s election 
night.”

“If voting made any difference they wouldn’t let us do it” Mark Twain

“George Washington is the only president who didn’t blame the previous 
administration for his troubles.” He blamed the monarchy lol.

We stand today at a crossroads: One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. 
The other leads to total extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to make the 
right choice. Woody Allen

“The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the 
average voter.” Winston Churchill

And finally a profound quote: 

“A politician thinks of the next election; a statesman thinks of the next 
generation.” James Freeman Clarke

It is a gift and a blessing to be American. For all its flaws and dubious history, we 
have a legacy of ultimately finding our way to fair and equitable solutions to most 
of our problems. 

I particularly want to thank my editor, Susan, for giving me this gift of 
communication. My sole purpose is to enhance the quality of you, the reader’s, 
life. I start with a little bit of humor, add a dose of some smart person’s rhetorical 
brilliance, and whisper a prayer to my benevolent Father in heaven.

The prayer? “Lord, breathe your life into this column in such a way that it touches 
people’s hearts, let’s them know how precious and valuable they are, and please, 
please, please try to make it a little funnier.”

Have a brilliant week. Your week will be greatly enhanced if you extend unsolicited 
acts of kindness to the following: Your spouse, your kids, your extended family, 
your pets, waitresses, police officers, fellow motorists, bosses, employees…and 
most of all, YOURSELF! (You are worth it)

WHY I AM NOW A CLIPPERS FAN

 

 I will not bore you with my analysis of the 
Presidential Debate as I am sure that those of you 
who care have already read several post-analyses 
from talented commentators. I will now follow my 
friend Hank’s advice and not write about the Debate itself but just let 
you know that after watching the full debate I was desirous of seeing 
what the TV pundits had to say. First, I switched to MSNBC and 
then to Fox but still wanted more. I then moved to Comedy Central 
to see if John Stewart had anything to say.

 The first half of this program featured a repeated clip from a Monte 
Python movie showing a man throwing up in a restaurant. I was not 
particularly entertained, and as it was nearing midnight, I almost 
shut the TV off. I did not and fortunately saw the second half of the 
program which was a conversation between John Stewart and his 
guest Steve Ballmer, the multi-billionaire former CEO of Microsoft 
and the present owner of the NBA Los Angeles Clippers Basketball 
Team

 For me it was a compelling conversation during which Mr. Ballmer 
described the “twin towers” necessary for our system of government 
to function properly and to protect social welfare while allowing 
the accumulation of wealth by corporations and those in control 
of wealth. He explained that what is necessary is the combination 
of capitalism and Democracy. Capitalism will inevitably involve 
businesses intended to benefit their owners. These owners will 
generally be interested in providing for themselves and their families 
and may be disinterested in the overall Social Welfare. I am afraid this 
describes basic human nature. Nevertheless, the businesses created 
will provide jobs and structures and the organization necessary for 
the entire system to function. As a result of the efforts of the people 
on top the rest of us will have the opportunity to develop lives which 
are comfortable and satisfying and provide additional incentive for 
those who choose to work harder and create more for themselves. 
The opportunity for advancement requires access to education and 
medical services and related needs. 

 Mr. Ballmer explained that is the overseeing powers of the electorate 
that prevents the wealthy powerful class from keeping everything 
for themselves even if that is their desire. Appropriate rules and 
regulations must be enacted and enforced to allow the system to 
effectively function. The Democratic process of periodic elections 
is necessary to maintain the system and work to prevent the social 
problems created by complete inequality.

 The ability to learn and to publicize is what is necessary to maintain 
the existence of an informed electorate. Steve Ballmer points to 
James Madison’s warning that without reliable and non-partisan 
news, representative government is a farce. Repeatedly over the 
centuries astute political commentators have emphasized this same 
need for access to information and transparency. Once information 
is found it must be accompanied by freedom of the press and 
freedom of information so that the public may be kept informed. 
Today there is considerable discussion about what the limits of free 
speech and freedom of the press should be. It has been revealed that 
hate groups and even foreign enemy governments regularly disperse 
misinformation for their own demonic ends. Nevertheless, I believe 
that freedom of the press and the free access to information must 
be protected even though historically that has always been difficult. 
(Think Daniel Ellsberg and Julian Assange.)

 Steve Ballmer’s conversation with John Stewart discussed the 
creation of The Ballmer Group as his attempt to improve and 
reshape economic inequalities for families within the United 
States. He explained that his 2017 launch of USA Facts, a non-profit 
organization, whose goal is to allow people to understand actual U.S. 
government spending and the resultant effects. This information is 
intended to allow the public to be properly informed mindful of the 
Madisonian statement that without such information Democracy is 
a farce. 

Put it all together and that’s why I’m a Clippers fan from now on.

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FDA ALERT ON CERTAIN CINNAMON


DICK POLMAN


KAMALA REDUCED TRUMP TO A PARODY OF HIMSELF

 The showdown Tuesday night – pitting a devotee of democracy who aspires to be our next president against a groupie of autocracy who aspires to be our 
last-ever president – was more delicious than an ice cream sundae with cherry on top.

Thanks to a shrewd performance by Kamala Harris, one that surely exceeded Democratic dreams, Donald Trump was reduced to the most imbecilic parody 
of himself. He was the neighborhood lunatic who wanders the street in his bathrobe screaming at trees.

Perhaps men are too emotional to be president.

 If there’s any justice in this world – if a modicum of sanity still reigns in this country – this race should have ended once and for all when Trump was asked 
why he blocked a tough bill that would’ve put thousands of new agents and officers on the border

 Instead of answering the question, he lost his mind: “Look at what’s happening to the towns all over the United States… A lot of towns don’t want to talk about it because 
they’re so embarrassed by it. In Springfield (Ohio), they’re eating the dogs! The people that came in. They’re eating the cats! They’re eating – they’re eating the pets of the 
people that live there!”

The guy is a poet. He is E. E. Cummings on acid:

They’re eating the dogs

They’re eating the cats

They’re eating

They’re eating the pets of the people

 Given the dearth of evidence for that soliloquy, I have to wonder whether our “undecideds” would really consider putting this demented fool in charge of anything more 
taxing than a lemonade stand. Repeatedly, Harris put bait in the water and, repeatedly, he took it, like when she casually mentioned people leaving his rallies early out of 
boredom.

“People don’t leave my rallies!” Trump bellowed. Then he recycled one of his August delusions: “People don’t go to her rallies! There’s no reason to go! And the people that 
do go, she’s busing them in and paying them to be there!”

 The terminal narcissist wasted precious time still insisting he won in 2020. When it was pointed out that he lost 60 court cases, he said they were all thrown out on “a 
technicality,” whereas those of us who were alive at the time well remember that judge after judge (including some Trump appointees) ruled that his lawyers had presented 
zero evidence of stolen or fraudulent votes.

“Donald Trump was fired by 81 million people. So let’s be clear about that,” said Harris, who eyed his string of rants with puckish bemusement. “And clearly, he is having 
a very difficult time processing that.”

 It was also fun when Harris baited him about his global reputation, and he responded by saying Viktor Orban, the Prime Minister of Hungary said “the most respected 
most feared person is Donald Trump.”

 Yes, his character reference was an autocrat who’s been systematically destroying democracy in Hungary. Harris nailed him for that too: “It is well known that he admires 
dictators, wants to be a dictator on day one according to himself…And it is absolutely well known that these dictators and autocrats are rooting for you to be president again 
because they’re so clear, they can manipulate you with flattery and favors.”

 The old loon spilled so much blood, it’s a miracle he didn’t need IV fluids. Harris pounded him for repeatedly trying to sabotage Obamacare (he’s still hawking his non-
existent health plan: “We’ll come up with something, we’re working on things”). She hammered him for his long racist track record, starting with his refusal in the 1970s to 
rent apartment units to Black families. When he recycled his standard lie that the crime rate is “through the roof” (the FBI says it’s going down), she twisted the stiletto: “This 
is so rich – coming from someone who has been prosecuted for national security crimes, economic crimes, election interference, has been found liable for sexual assault, and 
his next big court appearance is in November at his own criminal sentencing.”

 And when he started to obsess (yet again) about President Biden, she gently reminded him: “You’re not running against Joe Biden, you’re running against me.”

One of her tasks last night was to sell herself to voters who are still getting to know her. While Trump as always stayed focused on himself, she spoke to the voters’ hopes and 
dreams, highlighting her plans to expand the child tax credit to $6,000 for new children and create a $50,000 tax deduction for start-up businesses.

 Will this debate prove consequential, swing the “undecideds,” and spare us a MAGA restoration? Given what happened in 2016, I’m done with predictions. But I keep 


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