Mountain Views News     Logo: MVNews     Saturday, October 27, 2012

MVNews this week:  Page 19



 Mountain Views News Saturday, October 27, 2012 

STUART Tolchin..........On LIFE

HAIL Hamilton My Turn




Susan Henderson


Dean Lee 


Joan Schmidt


LaQuetta Shamblee


Pat Birdall


Patricia Colonello




John Aveny 


Pat Birdsall

Chris Leclerc

Bob Eklund

Howard Hays

Paul Carpenter

Stuart Tolchin

Kim Clymer-Kelley

Christopher Nyerges

Peter Dills 

Hail Hamilton 

Rich Johnson

Chris Bertrand

Ron Carter

Rev. James Snyder

Bobby Eldridge

Mary Carney

La Quetta Shamblee

Katie Hopkins

Deanne Davis

Despina Arouzman

Greg Wellborn

Dr. John Talevich

Ben Show

Sean Kayden

Jasmine Kelsey Williams


 I found this site the other day surfing the net. It was like 
hanging ten for the first time. It made me laugh and think 
at the same time. The site is called appropriately “Jokes4us.
com.” It claims to have jokes about just about any topic worth 
telling a joke about. What caught my eyes was the category 
“Political Jokes.” Of particular interest to me was the section 
“Mitt Romney Jokes.” 

 Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying Mitt is a joke or particularly funny (he did 
crack some zingers at this year’s Al Smith Dinner though). Actually, the idea of 
Mitt Romney becoming President isn’t funny at all--it’s absolutely terrifying. And 
more frightening still is Paul Ryan, as V.P., sitting on the sidelines with his Tea 
Party pals only a heartbeat away being the Big Kahuna. Romney isn’t a joke, but he’s 
sure a great target for jokesters. Source:

Q: How did Mitt Romney make hundreds of millions of dollars? 

A: By turning $21 an hour jobs into $9 an hour jobs.


Q: What did Mitt Romney learn at Bain Capital? 

A: How to destroy worker’s lives, steal pensions, pioneer outsourcing, and master 
tax dodging! 

Q: How does Mitt Romney plan to fix social security? 

A: By taking the word SECURITY out of it. 

Q: Why is Mitt Romney so optimistic about the future of our economy? 

A: Because he’s the only presidential candidate with over 200 million dollars in 
the bank! 

According to Paul Ryan, we can’t afford Medicare, but we can afford to lower Mitt 
Romney’s tax rate (13.9%). 

Barack Obama killed Osama bin Laden. Mitt Romney is going to kill Big Bird. 
Enough said. 

Mitt Romney doesn’t want America to borrow money from China, he just wants 
to send our jobs there. 

Q: What book does Mitt Romney want to read to our children? 

A: One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, I Hate 47% of You-fish 

Q: Why shouldn’t Mitt Romney claim China is taking our jobs?

A: He made a career of gift-wrapping jobs for them. 

Q: Where does Mitt Romney plan to create Jobs? 

A: “In Singapore, China and India.”

First Mitt Romney outsourced our jobs to China, now he wants to send Big Bird 
to a Chinese KFC. 

Q: Why does Mitt Romney pay such a low tax rate? 

A: He claims 47% of Americans as dependents. 

Q: What does the greek word “polygamy” stand for? 

A: “Poly” meaning for multiple and “gamy” meaning reasons not to vote for Mitt 

Q: Why would democrats have preferred a Mitt Romney-Sarah Palin presidential 

A: She can’t answer basic questions, and he has two answers for every question! 

Q: What can’t 200 Millions dollars buy for Mitt Romney? 

A: Twitter followers! 

Q: How do you run a small business that outsources to China? 

A: Start off as a large business and ask Mitt Romney to manage it. 

Q: Why do employees call Mitt Romney a seagull? 

A: He flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps all over everything, and leaves! 

Q: What does Mitt Romney plan to do during his first day in office? 

A: Deny Health Care to 50 Million Americans. 

Robin Hood took from the rich and gave to the poor. Mitt Romney takes from the 
middle class and sticks it to the poor. 

If I had a dollar for every lie Mitt Romney tells the American people, I would be in 
his tax bracket 

Earn lots of money, avoid paying taxes and ship jobs overseas and one day you 
could be the Republican nominee for president. 

Q: What does Mitt Romney mean when he says that he and Paul Ryan are 
‘America’s comeback team.’? 

A: They’re ready to come back in four years and try again. 

Whatever your politics, vote Tuesday, November 6. We still have a democracy and 
every vote counts!


 Of all the places in the world why would the Presidential 
candidates choose to present their last debate before the election 
in a place called Boca Raton? Here in Southern California I know 
that many of you are Spanish speaking or quasi-Spanish speaking 
and already know the meaning of the phrase. If you don’t know 
ask someone else in the room and you will learn that without a 
doubt the phrase means “The Rat’s Mouth”. I kept thinking about 
the strange name of the place as I listened to the candidates agree with one another as 
they talked about foreign policy.

 One of their main areas of agreement was the importance of something 
called “character”. I don’t have the transcript of last night’s debate but I can recall 
ex-Governor Romney discussing the importance of “character” as he spoke of the 
necessity that America be number 1. It is our exceptional unique “character” that will 
guarantee that we remain on top of the heap unless we do something stupid like re-
elect President Obama. This character business seems like nonsense to me as do all 
nationalistic claims of exceptionalism.

 In a way I was grateful when the debates ended and I could switch over to the 
final game of the series between the Cardinals and the Giants. The score was already 
9-0 in favor of the Giants. The game was already in the top of the ninth inning and 
was continuing in the midst of an absolutely pouring rain. Anyway, after the game, in 
the midst of the continuing rainstorm, victorious Giant Players were questioned by a 
soaking beautiful girl and asked to explain their victory. Many of the players agreed—
there was one reason—CHARACTER. How could we tell they had character? Why 
by the fact that they won—of course.

 All night I was bothered by these two questions. What is this character stuff 
and how do you get it and keep it and get more of it? The other bothersome thought 
still focused on that name “Boca Raton”. Does it have any connection to anything? I 
woke at about 6:00 a.m. and immediately headed for the computer. Believe it or not 
, within half an hour I had all my answers. It kind of shook me up when I realized 
where following my curiosity can take me. I’ll try and explain.

 First I went to the e-dictionary and sure enough Boca Raton can be loosely 
defined as “mouth of the rat”. A kind of secondary meaning that applies, I guess, 
to the original location of the city is “a shallow inlet of sharp pointed rocks which 
scrapes a ship’s cables. Next I looked up “character” and read about the 6 pillars of 
character identified as Trustworthiness, Respect, Responsibility, Fairness, Caring and 
Citizenship. Really, I don’t think these are the qualities that the Giant Ballplayers and 
the Presidential Candidates are referring to. Do you think of baseball players or 
politicians or Americans in general displaying more of these qualities than anyone 
else? As I was looking at this definition I noticed the names of recent New York Times 
Opinion Pieces. There was an article published on October 20, 2012 by Nicholas 
Kristof entitled Cuddle Your Kid! Maybe this article was connected in some way with 
the idea of character.

 I hit the link and read the story and what do you think, it was all about rats. Here 
are the first two paragraphs.

 A McGill University neurologist Michael Meaney, noticed that some of the mother 
rats he worked with spent a great deal of time licking and grooming their babies. 
Other rat moms were much less cuddly.

 This natural variation has long- term consequences. Meaney’s team found that when 
the rats grew up, those that had been licked and groomed were more social and 
curious. They even lived longer.

 That’s it! Boca Raton—from the mouths of rats. That is how we can strengthen 
America. The article referred to a book by Paul Tough entitled “How Children 

 Yes, I pushed that link also and learned that one of the ways individuals develop 
“character” is to be allowed to fail and to be supported and taught perseverance to 
develop courage. According to the author, many privileged young people are not 
allowed to fail and become devastated in the adult world and become secure mortgage 
brokers and bankers instead of bravely using their creative talents to save the world. 
Perhaps this explains why the network masters put the beautiful girl doing her first 
deciding game interview into the middle of the rainstorm. Perhaps this will give 
her “character” as well as possibly causing pneumonia. This may all sound silly but 
science and research can, I’m sure, teach us more than we can learn from listening to 
artificial “debates”. Which candidate do you think will be the more effective mother 

 As I said before, if you just let your curiosity guide you, you’ll be surprised at 
what you may discover. Look in only one direction and all you see is “rats”. Look back 
the other way and you see a “star”. 

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A Weekly Religion Column by Rev. James Snyder


It happened to me again this past week for the umpteenth time. The last 
time it happened, I promised myself it would never happen again, as 
long as I lived. So much for my promises, or maybe I died.

I found myself stranded at the neighborhood grocery store. I meant to 
put gas in my car, honest I did. Somehow, it slipped my mind.

I do not mind things slipping my mind if they are not important, and 
if it does not involve the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. Unfortunately for me, this did.

I don't mind lectures from my Beloved, if I could sometimes pick the topic. Topics like religion 
and politics would be a nice change.

Her topic, which she never tires of, is my forgetfulness. At least I can't remember any other topic 
at the moment.

My car was definitely out of gas and I was going nowhere in it. My only recourse was to walk 
across the street to the store, and call my wife to come and bail me out of trouble.

Every husband knows how difficult this is because we have to do it so often. I went to the phone 
booth in the store and made "the call." Then I went and took a seat to wait for her arrival.

As I was waiting, I noticed an elderly gentleman come into the store. I call him a gentleman, but 
these days, who knows?

This man walked into the store as if he was concerned about being followed. Every few steps he 
threw a glance over his shoulder as if someone was stalking him.

Since I did not have anything to do for the next 20 minutes, I settled back to watch. When he got 
into the store, he cautiously walked around the store as if casing it.

So many stores are being robbed; I didn't know but this man was planning to pull off a heist. 
My interest piqued, which kept my mind off the trouble I was in with my wife when she arrived 
to pick me up.

When a person is in trouble, it is always a good thing to try to take one's mind off said trouble, 
and on someone who might be in more trouble than you are at the moment. At least, that's what 
I told myself at the time.

When a person is facing trouble, he will say anything to himself to calm those jagged nerves.

The man walked around the store several times, always glancing over his shoulder as if he expected 
something to happen.

As far as I could tell, he was an ordinary man with no special features. He walked with a slow 
shuffle, but that's to be expected when a man's body ages.

I saw him stand over against a corner for several minutes while he intently watched the front 
door. A little spooked by this time, I did not know if I should alert the manager or call the police.

I envisioned the headlines in the newspapers the next day: "Local pastor dies a hero's death in 
the crossfire." I sure would like to be a hero, but only in my own mind.

This hero business can be a little dangerous, so I was in a quandary.

In scanning the gentleman as best I could, I knew he could not have a large weapon on his person. 
The loose fitting shirt revealed no bomb strapped to his chest, which was a little comforting.

Then the gentleman began to move and I froze. My life flashed before me in an instant - which 
bored me almost to death. I never want to experience anything like that ever again.

My focus once again went to the gentleman in motion. What was he going to do? Gradually he 
eased up to the bakery department.

I almost stood, but at my height, I would be an easy target. It's hard for anyone to miss a barn 
door, especially one with a flashy smile.

I braced myself for what would happen next. Then it happened. The elderly gentleman, with one 
last glance over his shoulder, bought a chocolate éclair.

I was confused - relieved - but confused. What was all the secrecy about?

About this time, I saw him slither toward the bench where I was sitting. Without looking at me, 
the man sank into the corner as though hiding from someone.

He sat there for a few minutes and then he opened his bag with the éclair. Just as he took his 
first bite, someone recognized him, came up and said, "Henry, is that a chocolate éclair you're 

He glanced at me and gave me one of those sick smiles that every husband recognizes. No matter 
how hard you try to keep something (like éclairs) from your wife, it is impossible.

 There is a spiritual lesson here. No matter how hard you try to hide your sin, somewhere, somehow, 
when you least expect it, someone will see you. An Old Testament scripture lays down 
an important principle in this regard. "But if ye will not do so, behold, ye have sinned against 
the Lord: and be sure your sin will find you out." (Numbers 32:23 KJV.) David, the Psalmist, 
knew this and wrote, "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: 
And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (Psalm 139:23-24 
KJV.) Live your life as though someone was watching you, because, Someone is watching you.


RICH Johnson

Many of you don’t know why I consider Halloween a 
sacred holiday. And when I tell you, you undoubtedly 
will scratch your chin, chuckle and say, “Aha! That 
answers a lot of questions about Rich Johnson”.

I was born on Halloween. There, it’s out. A relief that it is finally a matter 
of public record. And as the proverbial $19.95 television huckster would 
say, “But wait! There’s more”. Yes, there’s more. I wasn’t alone. I have a twin 
sister. And no, we weren’t identical. 

And again, as the proverbial $19.95 television huckster would say, “But 
wait! There’s even more”. And yes indeedy there is still more. A scant 13 
months later, on Thanksgiving Day, my parents decided if two was good, 
four was better. My mother gave birth to another set of twins.

Over the next few years, my mother earned the nickname “Rubber Room 
Dorothy”. We did the math and determined at the peak there was a diaper 
change every 7 minutes.

Halloween is a fascinating holiday. The word is actually a contraction of 
three words, “All Hallows Eve”. It seems, way back when the Irish and 
the Scottish believed that on this day each year a door would open to the 
otherworld permitting the sould of the dead and other beings such as 
fairies to temporarily come into our world. Some of the living even left 
spots at the dinner table for those dead spirits to come join them for dinner 
(Mine would all ask for seconds). 

Unfortunately, along with Grampa Otis coming over, evil spirits would 
also sneak through the door (No, I’m not referring to Gramma Ruth). 
The arrival of these evil meanies created the artifact we know as a jack-o-
lantern. The living would carve out the wall of a pumpkin (originally they 
used turnips) with the ugliest face they could design, put a lit candle in the 
center in the hopes that it would scare away the nasties. At my house we sat 
around and guessed who the evil jack-o-lanterns most looked like.

A couple of activities took place on Halloween if you were desirous to be 
married. Tradition said if you carve an apple in one long strip, then toss the 
peel over your shoulder the peel would land on the ground in the shape of 
the first letter of your future spouse’s name. For you unmarried women: If 
you sit in a darkened room and gaze into a mirror on Halloween night, you 
would see the face of your future husband in the mirror. Alas, if you were 
never to be married you would see a skull in the mirror.

In case you wanted to know, over $2 billion dollars a year, in the US 
alone, is spent on Halloween candy. And over 100 million pounds of 
pumpkins are produced each year. If you have a fear of Halloween it is 
called Samhainophobia. Why? Samhain is the original pagan festival that 
Halloween welled out of.

So every year in honor of my birhday, millions of people around the globe 
get dressed up and look as weird as they can in my honor. I must be special. 
I think I’ll dress up as “Me” this year. Too hideous? You may be right. I 
don’t want to scare the little children.

Mountain Views News

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