Mountain Views News     Logo: MVNews     Saturday, December 29, 2012

MVNews this week:  Page 16



 Mountain Views News Saturday, December 29, 2012 

HAIL Hamilton My Turn

STUART Tolchin..........On LIFE




Susan Henderson


Dean Lee 


Joan Schmidt


LaQuetta Shamblee


Pat Birdsall


Patricia Colonello




John Aveny 


Chris Leclerc

Bob Eklund

Howard Hays

Paul Carpenter

Stuart Tolchin

Kim Clymer-Kelley

Christopher Nyerges

Peter Dills 

Hail Hamilton 

Rich Johnson

Chris Bertrand

Ron Carter

Rev. James Snyder

Bobby Eldridge

Mary Carney

Katie Hopkins

Deanne Davis

Despina Arouzman

Greg Wellborn

Dr. John Talevich

Ben Show

Sean Kayden

Jasmine Kelsey Williams



 I have always been curious about other people’s New Year’s 
Resolutions. It’s interesting to know the way other minds work, 
and often enough it serves a psychological testimony of what I 
truly believe in - that the world is indeed a funnier place than 
we think. Here, I share some resolutions found, in no particular order, that I came 
across surfing the web and considered ... well, very entertaining. After all, sharing 
is caring, is it not? ... And so, here we go!

* * * * * * * *

 My resolution for 2012 is a fat bank account and a thin body. 

 Now is the acceptable time to make your regular New Year’s resolutions. Next 
week you can begin disregarding them as usual.

 I will make no New Year’s resolution this year. The annual habit of making 
plans, criticizing, sanctioning, and molding my life is just too much of a burden 
to bear anymore.

 A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. 

 Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.

 I will prognosticate that I will probably procrastinate engaging in all objectives 
I have premeditated for the approaching twelve months. 

 I will not be an incorrigible bore telling the same stories at every get together 
I attend.

 Always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump.

 I will “check for paper” before using a public restroom.

 I will not let either of my dogs hog the pillow, ignore me when I want to use the 
sofa, or snatch food from my plate - this year they’re going to learn that I’m the 
Alpha Male of the house and only I get to do certain things.

 If I see a UFO, an extraterrestrial or get abducted I won’t tell anybody about it.

 I will stop considering other people’s feelings when they so obviously don’t 
consider mine; if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again on the Metro, I’ll 
TELL him he stinks! 

 I will remember that life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, 
but how well you bounce back from adversity.

 With all the cloning and gene altering going on, I resolve to pay more attention 
to where my food comes from this year.

 I will remember that Muffin Day is on the 29th of every month except in 
February when it it on the 28th unless it is Leap Year.

 This year I will suffer the ignorance and bad manners of others and do my best 
to tolerate their faults as if they were my own.

 I will always be grateful and look for the good that is in all of us no matter how 
miserable and unhappy some individuals appear to be.

 Most of all, I hope to be able to make people think happy thoughts when then 
they think of me. 

* * * * * * * *

 The truth be told, I probably shouldn’t be making any new resolutions this 
year... because... quite frankly... I’m still working on the ones I made last year. 
My resolutions have always been more akin to a handful of hopeful wishes than 
a well thought out, prioritized list of determined decisions. My resolutions read 
“Epilogue” long before they ever reach “Prologue”!

 That said, I offer the following wishes to each and every one of you in hopes that 
next year will be a happy and prosperous one for you and your family.

• May this New Year be full of joy, may your resolutions last as long as your cravings 
for unhealthy food, and may you feel the magic of the New Year in your heart.
• Let this New Year fill you full of hope instead of cookies, with joy instead of ice 
cream, and with wonder instead of potato chips.
• May the next year find your waistline slimmer, your wallet fatter, your cholesterol 
lower, and your tolerance level higher.

 Enjoy this year’s Rose Parade and Bowl game. This year I will be watching all the 
festivities on TV from Austin, Texas where I will be getting acquainted with my 
new granddaughter. I know Wisconsin is favored to win this year’s Rose Bowl, but 
I’ll still be rooting for Stanford. 

 To all of you -- Happy New Year!

 It’s Christmas 
morning and I have 
the flu and haven’t 
been outside for two 
days. 2013 is rushing 
towards us and I just don’t feel quite 
ready. I need to make peace with this 
year before I can go on to the next and I 
just don’t seem to have the energy for it. 
Maybe the problem isn’t my flu; maybe 
the problem is the year itself.

 As I experienced the year, everyone was 
more than willing to discuss the Mayan 
prediction that the world would end on 
December 21, or was it the 22? People 
loved talking about this prediction and 
feeling superior to it. Everyone was 
really confident that it was kind of a joke; 
everyone except my 11 year-old nephew, 
Steven. He repeatedly asked his mother 
for permission to stay up to midnight so 
that he could watch the world explode. 
His mom would not give permission 
and finally explained to him that it was 
already passed midnight in Australia and 
nothing had happened. She was sure that 
this meant that the world would keep 
going and this reasoning somehow was 
convincing to Steven and he reluctantly 
went to sleep.

 Last night, Christmas Eve, my wife, 
mother-in-law, daughter, son, son’s girl 
friend, and I sat around opening presents 
and chatting. Let’s face it; I never do well 
on Christmas Eve. I came from a family 
that rarely exchanged presents. My wife 
thinks that this is because we were Jewish, 
but I know better. It’s really because 
there was so much continual stress in our 
family that the selection of presents was 
just one too many burdens and therefore 
was avoided. Really, growing up I never 
felt bad about this. I never expected any 
presents, I never gave any presents, and I 
never got any. Not surprisingly though, 
this lack of experience in the world of 
present giving has caused me problems 
in later life. 

 The problem has exacerbated around 
my wife who is from a Catholic family 
that loves to give piles of presents to 
one another. I don’t mean to deprecate 
the personal and intimate value of these 
presents; it’s just that I always feel out 
of the loop. (By the way I just tried the 
electric water-pic that my wife gave me 
and I now have some hope that I can save 
my few remaining teeth.) While opening 
the presents, we got into a discussion 
about how interesting the end of the 
world prediction was and then I made 
the mistake of actually talking about 
the ecological state of our planet and 
wondering what predictions people had 
about the future.

 Everyone was pretty much in 
agreement that this planet was doomed 
and that governments would never be 
able to agree on any workable policy 
that would make the necessary sacrifices 
and changes. My daughter pointed out 
the ridiculousness of the response to 
the killings in Connecticut, which has 
resulted in people buying even more 
guns. No, the planet was doomed and 
probably what is happening right now is 
that plans are being made for the rich and 
powerful to escape to some other planet 
or asteroid. My God, it’s Dr. Strangelove 
redeux. That thought, combined with my 
flu symptoms and failure as a present-
giver caused me to excuse myself to go 
upstairs and suffer alone.

 After my usual period of pouting 
and worry I turned on the television 
and happened upon the Oliver Stone 
Public television review of the Viet Nam 
War. What a strange thing to present on 
Christmas Eve but there I was, watching 
the misadventures of the United States 
in the 1970’s. I particularly focused on 
the final exits of American personnel 
and equally eager-to-leave Vietnamese. 
Perhaps you remember the pictures of 
people leaping off roof-tops trying to hang 
on to the final helicopters that were the 
last means of escape? I keep wondering; 
is this the future? After the privileged 
one or two per cent are provided with 
the necessary transportation to leave 
our dying planet, will there be any room 
for the rest of us? Will it be another 
evacuation from Vietnam? Is it possible 
to cling to the bottom of a spaceship?

 When I try to talk to people about 
possible eventualities, all I seem to 
hear is, “why should I worry, I won’t be 
around then anyway?” Well, I think that 
this unconcern should be the content of 
our talk shows - not the nonsense about 
the Mayan predictions - but the real 
implications of the predictions made by 
our most knowledgeable scientists. What 
can be done to maintain the habitability 
of this planet and what global political 
action must be taken to bring about the 
agreement necessary to take action?

 Maybe the truth is that we don’t care 
about future generations. We really are 
more concerned about pro-football 
injuries, tasty recipes, vacations spots 
and taxes. Maybe we are more interested 
in saving our teeth than we are in saving 
future generations. It is not the Ghost of 
Christmas past that haunts me; rather it 
is the uncertainty about the existence of 
any Christmas future. 

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RICH Johnson

2013 NEW YEAR’S 


A Weekly Religion Column by Rev. James Snyder


I don’t know why we bother with these oft failed attempts at 
improving our lives. How many do you keep? A funny guy, Blake 
Flannery came up with these unique and innovative resolutions. 
I hope you find them motivational.

General New Years Resolutions

I will...

1. Start washing my hands after I use the restroom.
2. Stop drinking orange juice after I just brushed my teeth.
3. Stop licking frozen flag poles.
4. Only get divorced and remarried once this year.
5. Watch more movie remakes.
6. Go back to school to avoid paying my student loans.
7. Only eat white snow
8. Keep it to myself that I have trouble with authority when I’m being 
9. Spend less than $1825 for coffee at Starbucks this year.
10. Claim all my pets as dependents on my taxes

Technology Related New Year’s Resolutions

I will...

1. Watch more cute and cuddly kitten videos on YouTube
2. Check my work e-mail account at least once this year
3. Switch my username to “password” and my password to “username” to make 
each a lot harder for hackers to figure out
4. Watch less T.V…. in standard definition
5. Stop buying worthless junk on Ebay, because QVC has better specials
6. Start using Facebook for something other than Farmville and stupid quizzes
7. Help kids stay safe by not texting on my cell phone while eating McDonald’s 
and speeding through crosswalks in school zones with a frost covered windshield
8. Avoid fingertip soreness by learning to play “Rock Band,” instead of a real 
9. Start a blog about how I would write more often if I had something important 
to write. Only make one blog entry and leave it published for years
10. Talk with a robot voice all the time

New Years Resolutions about Weight Management

I will...

1. Lose weight by hiding it somewhere you’ll never find it.
2. Gain enough weight to get on The Biggest Loser.
3. Buy new clothes big enough to account for next year’s holidays.
4. Start smoking to lose weight
5. Lose weight by inventing an anti-gravity machine
6. Lose weight by living on the moon
7. Find a more accurate scale
8. Build biceps by increasing reps of Ding Dong curls to 3 sets of 15
9. Stop buttering my doughnuts
10. Eat more fruit... snacks

I hope this helps you in your quest to improve your lot in 2013. Let’s all hold on to 
the roller coaster and hope for the best. Happy New Year.

For the last several 
hours, I have been 
slouching in my 
easy chair basking 
in the soothing aura 
of the season. I have 
not moved in several hours, and it probably 
will be several more hours before I 
even think of moving.

Just a few days ago, we were in the middle 
of our Christmas holiday celebration 
with family and friends. The only thing 
I enjoy more is the peace and quiet that 
follows upon the heels of all that festivity. 
Do not get me wrong, I love my family 
and friends but boy do I love peace and 

Isn't one of the sayings of the season, 
"Peace on earth, goodwill toward men"? 
I am not sure of all the ramifications of 
that phrase, but I do enjoy the peace that 
comes following an exuberant time of 
celebration with family and friends.

About this time, the Gracious Mistress of 
the Parsonage came in and saw me in the 
same position she saw me several hours 
previous. "Are you," she said after staring 
at me for a few moments, "going to stay 
in that chair all day?"

All I could do was smile graciously in her 

Then she became concerned, and prodded 
me a little, "Are you all right?" She 
said it with a deep sense of genuine concern. 
I knew I owed her an explanation 
for the collapse of my bodily activities.

"Nothing wrong with me," I explained, 
"I'm just broke." With that, I smiled a 
rather infectious smile.

She broke out laughing and said, "What 
did you say?"

I think at the time she thought I was just 
exercising the spirit of merriment. "I said, 
I'm broke."

Then she had a look of concern on her 
face. "What do you mean you're broke?"

I knew she was concerned at that point 
and I had to explain to her what I meant 
by being broke. By being broke, I do not 
mean like the government broke into my 
bank account and confiscated my money. 
For all Americans that is quite a taxing 

Also, by being broke I do not mean I 
dropped my wife's favorite porcelain teapot 
and broke it all over the floor. Once 
something is broke, there just is no way 
of fixing it.

"I'm broke," I repeated to my wife with 
a whimsical smile, "and it's a real good 
feeling this time of the year."

She looked at me, shook her head and 
then went back to her business.

I thought some more on that subject and 
reaffirmed my idea that being broke this 
time of the year was a marvelous feeling. 
If it were April, tax time, being broke 
would not feel so good. Or, if it were before 
Christmas, being broke would not be 
a very good idea.

Being broke after Christmas means several 

First, it means that I did my best to bless 
my family and friends around me with 
tokens of appreciation. That is all a gift 
really is. I am not a very good gift buyer, 
just ask my wife. I am the kind of person 
who thinks it is the thought that counts. I 
also know, behind every thought must be 
some emblem of tangibility. I have done 
my best this year to select gifts that would 
be appreciated, at least for a moment.

It would be a terrible thing at the end of 
the Christmas season to have a ton of 
money left over realizing that maybe you 
did not do your best this year at Christmas 

Do not get me wrong. I am a Pennsylvania 
Dutchman through and through and 
we do not believe in wasting money. We 
do believe in investing our resources in 
family and friends. I am not extravagant 
in my giving. I do not have it to be extravagant. 
What I do have, I want to use to 
bless and encourage the people that have 
meant so much to me during the year.

Yes, being broke is a good feeling.

Being broke also means I have no room 
for regrets. Would I have liked to give 
more gifts? Sure, but when you run out of 
money, you cannot go any further. By being 
broke at the end of Christmas means, 
I have done everything I possibly could 
within my resources to thank the people 
I love for being a part of my life.

You cannot buy friendship. Unless of 
course you are in Washington DC or 
Hollywood California. Among normal 
folk, friendship is not for sale. It is not 
even for rent. At this time of the year, it 
sure is a wonderful feeling to tell your 
friends and family you are glad they are 
a part of your life.

Being broke is a lot more than having 
no money. Being broke means that I 
have done everything within my power 
to bless those people around me. I have 
given all I had to give and there is a good 
warm fuzzy feeling about that.

 God is the one who set the standard along 
this line. "For the wages of sin is death; but 
the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus 
Christ our Lord" (Romans 6:23 KJV).

 God looked at the world, it broke His 
heart and therefore He sent His Son to 
remedy our situation. Thank God for that 
broken heart. He gave His all for those He 

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