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OPINION
Mountain Views News Saturday, December 29, 2012
HAIL Hamilton My Turn
STUART Tolchin..........On LIFE
Mountain
Views
News
PUBLISHER/ EDITOR
Susan Henderson
CITY EDITOR
Dean Lee
EAST VALLEY EDITOR
Joan Schmidt
BUSINESS EDITOR
LaQuetta Shamblee
SENIOR COMMUNITY
EDITOR
Pat Birdsall
SALES
Patricia Colonello
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WEBMASTER
John Aveny
CONTRIBUTORS
Chris Leclerc
Bob Eklund
Howard Hays
Paul Carpenter
Stuart Tolchin
Kim Clymer-Kelley
Christopher Nyerges
Peter Dills
Hail Hamilton
Rich Johnson
Chris Bertrand
Ron Carter
Rev. James Snyder
Bobby Eldridge
Mary Carney
Katie Hopkins
Deanne Davis
Despina Arouzman
Greg Wellborn
Dr. John Talevich
Ben Show
Sean Kayden
Jasmine Kelsey Williams
THE GHOST OF
CHRISTMAS FUTURE
POSSIBLE RESOLUTIONS TO
CONSIDER THIS NEW YEAR
I have always been curious about other people’s New Year’s
Resolutions. It’s interesting to know the way other minds work,
and often enough it serves a psychological testimony of what I
truly believe in - that the world is indeed a funnier place than
we think. Here, I share some resolutions found, in no particular order, that I came
across surfing the web and considered ... well, very entertaining. After all, sharing
is caring, is it not? ... And so, here we go!
* * * * * * * *
My resolution for 2012 is a fat bank account and a thin body.
Now is the acceptable time to make your regular New Year’s resolutions. Next
week you can begin disregarding them as usual.
I will make no New Year’s resolution this year. The annual habit of making
plans, criticizing, sanctioning, and molding my life is just too much of a burden
to bear anymore.
A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.
I will prognosticate that I will probably procrastinate engaging in all objectives
I have premeditated for the approaching twelve months.
I will not be an incorrigible bore telling the same stories at every get together
I attend.
Always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump.
I will “check for paper” before using a public restroom.
I will not let either of my dogs hog the pillow, ignore me when I want to use the
sofa, or snatch food from my plate - this year they’re going to learn that I’m the
Alpha Male of the house and only I get to do certain things.
If I see a UFO, an extraterrestrial or get abducted I won’t tell anybody about it.
I will stop considering other people’s feelings when they so obviously don’t
consider mine; if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again on the Metro, I’ll
TELL him he stinks!
I will remember that life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb,
but how well you bounce back from adversity.
With all the cloning and gene altering going on, I resolve to pay more attention
to where my food comes from this year.
I will remember that Muffin Day is on the 29th of every month except in
February when it it on the 28th unless it is Leap Year.
This year I will suffer the ignorance and bad manners of others and do my best
to tolerate their faults as if they were my own.
I will always be grateful and look for the good that is in all of us no matter how
miserable and unhappy some individuals appear to be.
Most of all, I hope to be able to make people think happy thoughts when then
they think of me.
* * * * * * * *
The truth be told, I probably shouldn’t be making any new resolutions this
year... because... quite frankly... I’m still working on the ones I made last year.
My resolutions have always been more akin to a handful of hopeful wishes than
a well thought out, prioritized list of determined decisions. My resolutions read
“Epilogue” long before they ever reach “Prologue”!
That said, I offer the following wishes to each and every one of you in hopes that
next year will be a happy and prosperous one for you and your family.
• May this New Year be full of joy, may your resolutions last as long as your cravings
for unhealthy food, and may you feel the magic of the New Year in your heart.
• Let this New Year fill you full of hope instead of cookies, with joy instead of ice
cream, and with wonder instead of potato chips.
• May the next year find your waistline slimmer, your wallet fatter, your cholesterol
lower, and your tolerance level higher.
Enjoy this year’s Rose Parade and Bowl game. This year I will be watching all the
festivities on TV from Austin, Texas where I will be getting acquainted with my
new granddaughter. I know Wisconsin is favored to win this year’s Rose Bowl, but
I’ll still be rooting for Stanford.
To all of you -- Happy New Year!
It’s Christmas
morning and I have
the flu and haven’t
been outside for two
days. 2013 is rushing
towards us and I just don’t feel quite
ready. I need to make peace with this
year before I can go on to the next and I
just don’t seem to have the energy for it.
Maybe the problem isn’t my flu; maybe
the problem is the year itself.
As I experienced the year, everyone was
more than willing to discuss the Mayan
prediction that the world would end on
December 21, or was it the 22? People
loved talking about this prediction and
feeling superior to it. Everyone was
really confident that it was kind of a joke;
everyone except my 11 year-old nephew,
Steven. He repeatedly asked his mother
for permission to stay up to midnight so
that he could watch the world explode.
His mom would not give permission
and finally explained to him that it was
already passed midnight in Australia and
nothing had happened. She was sure that
this meant that the world would keep
going and this reasoning somehow was
convincing to Steven and he reluctantly
went to sleep.
Last night, Christmas Eve, my wife,
mother-in-law, daughter, son, son’s girl
friend, and I sat around opening presents
and chatting. Let’s face it; I never do well
on Christmas Eve. I came from a family
that rarely exchanged presents. My wife
thinks that this is because we were Jewish,
but I know better. It’s really because
there was so much continual stress in our
family that the selection of presents was
just one too many burdens and therefore
was avoided. Really, growing up I never
felt bad about this. I never expected any
presents, I never gave any presents, and I
never got any. Not surprisingly though,
this lack of experience in the world of
present giving has caused me problems
in later life.
The problem has exacerbated around
my wife who is from a Catholic family
that loves to give piles of presents to
one another. I don’t mean to deprecate
the personal and intimate value of these
presents; it’s just that I always feel out
of the loop. (By the way I just tried the
electric water-pic that my wife gave me
and I now have some hope that I can save
my few remaining teeth.) While opening
the presents, we got into a discussion
about how interesting the end of the
world prediction was and then I made
the mistake of actually talking about
the ecological state of our planet and
wondering what predictions people had
about the future.
Everyone was pretty much in
agreement that this planet was doomed
and that governments would never be
able to agree on any workable policy
that would make the necessary sacrifices
and changes. My daughter pointed out
the ridiculousness of the response to
the killings in Connecticut, which has
resulted in people buying even more
guns. No, the planet was doomed and
probably what is happening right now is
that plans are being made for the rich and
powerful to escape to some other planet
or asteroid. My God, it’s Dr. Strangelove
redeux. That thought, combined with my
flu symptoms and failure as a present-
giver caused me to excuse myself to go
upstairs and suffer alone.
After my usual period of pouting
and worry I turned on the television
and happened upon the Oliver Stone
Public television review of the Viet Nam
War. What a strange thing to present on
Christmas Eve but there I was, watching
the misadventures of the United States
in the 1970’s. I particularly focused on
the final exits of American personnel
and equally eager-to-leave Vietnamese.
Perhaps you remember the pictures of
people leaping off roof-tops trying to hang
on to the final helicopters that were the
last means of escape? I keep wondering;
is this the future? After the privileged
one or two per cent are provided with
the necessary transportation to leave
our dying planet, will there be any room
for the rest of us? Will it be another
evacuation from Vietnam? Is it possible
to cling to the bottom of a spaceship?
When I try to talk to people about
possible eventualities, all I seem to
hear is, “why should I worry, I won’t be
around then anyway?” Well, I think that
this unconcern should be the content of
our talk shows - not the nonsense about
the Mayan predictions - but the real
implications of the predictions made by
our most knowledgeable scientists. What
can be done to maintain the habitability
of this planet and what global political
action must be taken to bring about the
agreement necessary to take action?
Maybe the truth is that we don’t care
about future generations. We really are
more concerned about pro-football
injuries, tasty recipes, vacations spots
and taxes. Maybe we are more interested
in saving our teeth than we are in saving
future generations. It is not the Ghost of
Christmas past that haunts me; rather it
is the uncertainty about the existence of
any Christmas future.
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RICH Johnson
2013 NEW YEAR’S
RESOLUTIONS
OUT TO PASTOR
A Weekly Religion Column by Rev. James Snyder
‘TIS THE SEASON TO BE BROKE
I don’t know why we bother with these oft failed attempts at
improving our lives. How many do you keep? A funny guy, Blake
Flannery came up with these unique and innovative resolutions.
I hope you find them motivational.
General New Years Resolutions
I will...
1. Start washing my hands after I use the restroom.
2. Stop drinking orange juice after I just brushed my teeth.
3. Stop licking frozen flag poles.
4. Only get divorced and remarried once this year.
5. Watch more movie remakes.
6. Go back to school to avoid paying my student loans.
7. Only eat white snow
8. Keep it to myself that I have trouble with authority when I’m being
interviewed.
9. Spend less than $1825 for coffee at Starbucks this year.
10. Claim all my pets as dependents on my taxes
Technology Related New Year’s Resolutions
I will...
1. Watch more cute and cuddly kitten videos on YouTube
2. Check my work e-mail account at least once this year
3. Switch my username to “password” and my password to “username” to make
each a lot harder for hackers to figure out
4. Watch less T.V…. in standard definition
5. Stop buying worthless junk on Ebay, because QVC has better specials
6. Start using Facebook for something other than Farmville and stupid quizzes
7. Help kids stay safe by not texting on my cell phone while eating McDonald’s
and speeding through crosswalks in school zones with a frost covered windshield
8. Avoid fingertip soreness by learning to play “Rock Band,” instead of a real
guitar
9. Start a blog about how I would write more often if I had something important
to write. Only make one blog entry and leave it published for years
10. Talk with a robot voice all the time
New Years Resolutions about Weight Management
I will...
1. Lose weight by hiding it somewhere you’ll never find it.
2. Gain enough weight to get on The Biggest Loser.
3. Buy new clothes big enough to account for next year’s holidays.
4. Start smoking to lose weight
5. Lose weight by inventing an anti-gravity machine
6. Lose weight by living on the moon
7. Find a more accurate scale
8. Build biceps by increasing reps of Ding Dong curls to 3 sets of 15
9. Stop buttering my doughnuts
10. Eat more fruit... snacks
I hope this helps you in your quest to improve your lot in 2013. Let’s all hold on to
the roller coaster and hope for the best. Happy New Year.
For the last several
hours, I have been
slouching in my
easy chair basking
in the soothing aura
of the season. I have
not moved in several hours, and it probably
will be several more hours before I
even think of moving.
Just a few days ago, we were in the middle
of our Christmas holiday celebration
with family and friends. The only thing
I enjoy more is the peace and quiet that
follows upon the heels of all that festivity.
Do not get me wrong, I love my family
and friends but boy do I love peace and
quiet.
Isn't one of the sayings of the season,
"Peace on earth, goodwill toward men"?
I am not sure of all the ramifications of
that phrase, but I do enjoy the peace that
comes following an exuberant time of
celebration with family and friends.
About this time, the Gracious Mistress of
the Parsonage came in and saw me in the
same position she saw me several hours
previous. "Are you," she said after staring
at me for a few moments, "going to stay
in that chair all day?"
All I could do was smile graciously in her
direction.
Then she became concerned, and prodded
me a little, "Are you all right?" She
said it with a deep sense of genuine concern.
I knew I owed her an explanation
for the collapse of my bodily activities.
"Nothing wrong with me," I explained,
"I'm just broke." With that, I smiled a
rather infectious smile.
She broke out laughing and said, "What
did you say?"
I think at the time she thought I was just
exercising the spirit of merriment. "I said,
I'm broke."
Then she had a look of concern on her
face. "What do you mean you're broke?"
I knew she was concerned at that point
and I had to explain to her what I meant
by being broke. By being broke, I do not
mean like the government broke into my
bank account and confiscated my money.
For all Americans that is quite a taxing
situation.
Also, by being broke I do not mean I
dropped my wife's favorite porcelain teapot
and broke it all over the floor. Once
something is broke, there just is no way
of fixing it.
"I'm broke," I repeated to my wife with
a whimsical smile, "and it's a real good
feeling this time of the year."
She looked at me, shook her head and
then went back to her business.
I thought some more on that subject and
reaffirmed my idea that being broke this
time of the year was a marvelous feeling.
If it were April, tax time, being broke
would not feel so good. Or, if it were before
Christmas, being broke would not be
a very good idea.
Being broke after Christmas means several
things.
First, it means that I did my best to bless
my family and friends around me with
tokens of appreciation. That is all a gift
really is. I am not a very good gift buyer,
just ask my wife. I am the kind of person
who thinks it is the thought that counts. I
also know, behind every thought must be
some emblem of tangibility. I have done
my best this year to select gifts that would
be appreciated, at least for a moment.
It would be a terrible thing at the end of
the Christmas season to have a ton of
money left over realizing that maybe you
did not do your best this year at Christmas
time.
Do not get me wrong. I am a Pennsylvania
Dutchman through and through and
we do not believe in wasting money. We
do believe in investing our resources in
family and friends. I am not extravagant
in my giving. I do not have it to be extravagant.
What I do have, I want to use to
bless and encourage the people that have
meant so much to me during the year.
Yes, being broke is a good feeling.
Being broke also means I have no room
for regrets. Would I have liked to give
more gifts? Sure, but when you run out of
money, you cannot go any further. By being
broke at the end of Christmas means,
I have done everything I possibly could
within my resources to thank the people
I love for being a part of my life.
You cannot buy friendship. Unless of
course you are in Washington DC or
Hollywood California. Among normal
folk, friendship is not for sale. It is not
even for rent. At this time of the year, it
sure is a wonderful feeling to tell your
friends and family you are glad they are
a part of your life.
Being broke is a lot more than having
no money. Being broke means that I
have done everything within my power
to bless those people around me. I have
given all I had to give and there is a good
warm fuzzy feeling about that.
God is the one who set the standard along
this line. "For the wages of sin is death; but
the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus
Christ our Lord" (Romans 6:23 KJV).
God looked at the world, it broke His
heart and therefore He sent His Son to
remedy our situation. Thank God for that
broken heart. He gave His all for those He
loved.
Mountain Views News
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